Sister's clinginess and jealousy lead to eviction ultimatum from brother's wife. AITA?
"AITA for telling my sister that’s it’s too late for apologies?"
Objective-Photo8365
My sister and her two kids moved in with us after she was facing homeless after being evicted from her place. She has become very clingy with me. I have to repeatedly tell her my wife and I are not watching you kids.
We gave you a place to stay. We have to constantly remind her to clean up after her and her children and not let her kids destroy things. She’s been envious if my wife and I go out. And has made comments like that must be nice if my wife buys new clothes or something designer. She has been repeatedly talked to about this and told to stop.
Last night my wife and I went on a date night to go out and see a live show and get sushi. My sister is waiting up of us close to 1 am and yells at us how we didn’t bring her the kids something.
How it is so mean that we flaunt our lifestyle while her kids are struggling and the least we could do is bring her and her kids home something. It’s 1 am. Her kids aren’t even awake. My sister said she deserves a little treat time to time and more say around the home.
My wife flips on her and tells my sister she needs to move out ASAP she doesn’t want her toxic ass in her home anymore and if she’s not out in 30 days she will be getting the courts and child services involved to remove them from the home and my wife told my sister how she’s a mentally unstable unfit mother.
My sister acted like I would protect her and she called my wife a bitch and saying I wouldn’t let that happen. I told my sister my wife can do as she wants and it’s her home too. My sister is the one who made herself unwelcome.
My sister didn’t apologize but made us breakfast this morning and my wife threw the plate of food away and told my sister 29 days. My wife left to go speak to one of her cousins who is a lawyer this morning.
My sister acted all innocent in front of her kids who could tell their aunts attitude was off. My sister tried apologizing to me after my wife left and I told her it’s probably too late for that because my wife is getting the official paperwork now.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Brilliant_Norma
NTA. Your sister's actions have created a toxic environment in your home, and it's valid that your wife wants her gone. Your wife has every right to set boundaries and feel safe and respected in her own home. Your sister's behavior has been consistently ungrateful, disrespectful, and manipulative.
mildepan
I wouldn’t be surprised if the sister actually thought that she would get away with calling the wife a bitch and thought “this is it, they get divorced and now HE can (edit: stupid autocorrect) take care of US.”
ThePapaIsHere
Where does your sister get her absurd sense of entitlement? Almost sounds like you two came from different sets of parents. It would enhance the narrative if you included the ages of all involved. Even so, you are NTA.
Peony-Pony
NTA Your sister had more than thirty days to figure out her living situation. She needed to start looking for housing the day after she and her children showed up on your doorstep. She's jealous of your home life and a little too comfortable living with you and your wife. She pushed your wife's buttons one too many times and now she's getting an eviction notice.
magiemaddi
She wants a brother-baby-daddy. She thinks she's equal to your wife. Or above your wife apparently. Are you willing to take care of your sister like a wife for the rest of your life? No? Then help your wife evict them. NTA but you will be if you let them stay.
Only-Ingenuity7889
Serve that eviction notice in writing asap. NTA.
Proof_Strawberry_464
Also, OP, check with your local laws. The fact that she lives with you guys could mean that she doesn't have many tenancy rights. In my area she'd be considered a lodger, and lodgers only need a few days notice to vacate.
Even_Budget2078
NTA. "she called my wife a bitch and saying I wouldn’t let that happen." THANK YOU, OP. You handled this exactly correctly. Your sister is acting in an incredibly disrespectful and sexist manner to your wife.
Your wife has every right to act on this unacceptable behavior in her home and you did great in supporting her and refusing to let your sister try to drive a wedge between you two.
saintandvillian
NTA. Your sister must have a high sense of entitlement given she thinks you should house her and her kids, babysit, clean up after them, and provide special treats. It sounds like she needs a reality check.
Does she work? Has she been looking for a job or a place to live? And why has your sister not gotten a clue prior to last night? What did you and your wife tell her during her other instances of poor behavior? And why does your sister seem to think that apologizing to you and not your wife will change the situation? She sounds incredibly rude and disrespectful to your wife.
But, to be honest, she might have been intimidated after your wife threw away the food lol. Besides which, 30 days is plenty of time. shes an adult with dependents so she needs to figure out a more long-term solution.
kurokomainu
NTA Your sister has no sense of what her actual position in the house is, and I highly doubt she will have a sudden epiphany and realize that she has to pull her head in and rein her kids' behavior in until she can leave.
If she's not kicked out It is predictable that you would have a constant battle with her, with you needing to set her to rights, then face her getting complacent over time and becoming increasingly entitled and demanding again.
I don't mean this in any kind of romantic way, but I suspect that your sister subconsciously sees you in a kind of "husband" role, which is why she is jealous of your wife's clothes and thinks she should get to have more say and deserves "treats" -- forgetting that she's not in a relationship with you, or your wife for that matter, and that you owe her nothing.
Even if she doesn't consciously think of it in those terms she looks to be settling into that dynamic. You are not her SO, her father, or her kids' father, and although you are her brother you are not her keeper. You don't owe her you playing the protector and provider role for her and her kids, and giving her an equal role in the house.
As she can't keep things in proper perspective and treat you and your wife with respect then she has ruined things for herself. You shouldn't put your marriage at risk when this whole problem was created out of whole cloth from your sister's foolishness.