'AITA for telling my sister my nephew is probably miserable because she's a hoarder?'
"AITA for telling my sister my nephew is probably miserable because she's a hoarder?"
sleepallday_throwawa
My sister's house is basically overrun with rodents. Every time I've visited I can hear the scritching and scratching. Sometimes I even catch a glimpse of one. Very creepy and unhygienic because I'm sure the droppings are everywhere.
The reason they're around is because my sister is a hoarder. She keeps all these old food packages lingering around in stacks all over the house. I've kind of gently hinted that she has a problem before but she'll deny deny deny, insisting that it's just “normal clutter” or that it's just not trash day yet.
My nephew Jim works two part-time jobs and volunteers on the weekends since school has been out. I think he's just trying to get out of the house. Every time I see him he seems so defeated and down.
Recently I was visiting him and my sister, and my sister was talking about how she plans to bring in some new wallpapers to remodel the house and give it a fresher look.
Jim sounded cheerful enough at first, but midway through the conversation tears just started rolling down his face. He looked embarrassed, kind of awkwardly said sorry and left.
My sister explained he's been in “moods” lately and said “you know, teen years.” I said teen years. Have you ever stopped to think he's unhappy because you're a damn hoarder and his home is full of mice?
My sister got offended, said how dare I call her a hoarder. The only reason I've seen her house even slightly unclean is because I'm her sister and she trusts me enough to be casual, blah blah.
I didn't mean to upset her or be so mean, but I just felt so bad for my nephew and I was tired of hearing her excuses. But now she's upset with me, and I regret it because we've been so close over the years. AITA? Should I just apologize?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
BeMandalorTomad
NTA. A call to the authorities might be in order. If sister cannot/will not clean her home, then your nephew needs to be removed from it. Breathing in the air in a house with rats can make you sick. Leaving old food around the house is just as bad. This isn’t safe.
You were right to point it out. Maybe you owe it to her to give her a heads up before making such a call, give her one last chance to clean up, but be ready again down the road. If she’s a true hoarder and she does clean, don’t expect it to last.
sleepallday_throwawa (OP)
Doing that would so break my heart but at this point I'll do it if it's necessary. I was thinking of maybe bringing in some cleaners if she'll just admit she has a problem? But I don't know if she will.
Vegetable-Sky-7237
She has an infestation from keeping trash and still won’t admit it’s a problem. It’s necessary.
forgeris
There is nothing to be sorry for telling the truth, you did enough damage already by enabling her behavior for many years, I would probably be much more direct and my sister would go NC with me because I don't tolerate BS and call things as they are.
Even one rodent is crazy but having many....your sister needs professional help and your nephew needs a new home, you better find him a new place to stay because living with your sister sounds like hell. NTA.
sleepallday_throwawa (OP)
I see what you mean, sometimes I wish I was more like that. I'm the little sister so sometimes I don't feel qualified to say anything. And I guess I just have a weak personality in general sometimes, I probably should have said something sooner but I just couldn't bring myself to.
StopYourHope
You are NTA for telling your sister that she is disgusting. You will be the asshole if you do not get your nephew out of that house, and pronto. Most of the damage has already been done, he is a teen, but you still have time to save him from turning into something like me.
A hateful, "family"-despising adult who regrets being allowed to exist. With some time away from his mother, therapy, and a group he can have positive interaction with, he can be pulled back from the abyss. I assure you, it is only a matter of time before "moods" become violence. I was younger than him when I started getting violent.
Funny-City9891
Being a hoarder is a mental illness. No amount of logic is going to change them and they have rose colored glasses where they do not see how bad it is. Her thinking she's going to put up wallpaper is delusional. If you try to clean out the house for her she probably would have a panic attack.
You are NTA but I don't know what you can do at this point. You might want to have a talk with your nephew and together possibly find someone who can help him process all of this. I'm sure he has one goal in mind and that's to get the hell out of there.
Let him know, And I suggest you do some research on this, that this is a mental illness and she needs help but she probably needs to be willing to get help. Soon enough he will be able to get out of there. Let him know you're there to support him if he needs it.
Cute-Development7287
NTA, that's not a healthy environment to be raising a child, and I'm sure he's too embarrassed to risk having a social life and bringing friends over. I recently ended a friendship because of her hoarding and neglect. Her kids have all left to live with other people, and it's all her own making.