'AITA for telling my sister she is not a good mother and her kids deserve better?'
"AITA for telling my sister she is not a good mother and her kids deserve better?"
Educational-Newt2449
I (29F) am currently living at my parents' place (66M/59F) along with my sister (34F) and her kids (16F, 14F, 10M, and 11 months). I moved in to help care for my mother, who has cancer, and to drive her around.
My father can't drive due to a stroke, and my sister lost her driver's license. Since I work from home and have a flexible schedule, I am the best option for assisting my parents. The kids were a mess.
My sister essentially has her own apartment in the house, so my parents never really checked in on her or the kids. One day, I noticed my 10-year-old nephew’s hair was matted. I took him to a hairstylist, who told me his hair was molding.
My sister works during the day but often doesn’t come home until midnight and goes straight to sleep. I found this out because my niece asked me to show her how to cook, as her sister was getting physically sick from the ready meals in the fridge.
One day, I heard the baby crying and realized my sister was leaving the baby at home. The 16-year-old believes it's her responsibility to take care of all the kids. She is burnt out and is failing many of her classes.
When she found out she had to redo her grade, her mother screamed at her. I stepped in and told my niece it’s okay and that I will help her get her grades up next year.
I tried to talk to my sister, but she always ended up crying and saying how hard it is to be a single mom. However, I found out that her ex-boyfriends are sending her money for the kids, but she chooses to work part-time while trying to become a beauty influencer.
Meanwhile, I have been taking care of the kids. They have become very attached to me and spend all their time in my part of the house. My sister hasn't seemed to care much. The main issue came when my 14-year-old niece won a prize for young storytellers. She wrote a story clearly coping with her home life and her abusive mother.
Her story was published in a magazine, she received $500, and won a one-week summer camp. At the ceremony, my niece thanked her siblings, my mother, and me, saying, "Thank you for being the mom I never had."
My sister left abruptly and reappeared yesterday. She repeatedly asked if I was saying she was a bad mother. I tried to stay calm, but she kept pushing until I finally exploded and unloaded everything: the neglect, the lack of supervision, the emotional abandonment.
I told her she was not fulfilling her responsibilities as a mother and that her kids deserved better. My sister, still furious, refused to listen and continued yelling, saying she was doing her best and I had no right to interfere.
I told her that her "best" was not good enough and that her children were suffering because of her actions. I reiterated that the kids deserved a stable, nurturing environment, and that I couldn't stand by and watch them be neglected.
My sister ran away and told her daughter that if they hated her so much, then they were dead to her. My parents are confused and hurt that they didn't see what was going on.
My mother has been crying since she found out, and my father, who has a temper problem, screamed some very threatening things at my sister. My niblings are distraught.
The 10-year-old is furious at the 14-year-old for saying what she did because he thinks their mother is going to take them away, and the 16-year-old had a huge panic attack and fell down.
I haven't properly slept, and my sister is sending me messages every 10 minutes telling me their life was good before me. I am at the end of my rope. Did I do something wrong? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Sexy_Alexie
you may feel guilty right now but honestly, you are right because you are concerned with them and you love them. Always remember to prioritize the well-being of the kids and protect yourself.
Charrbard
"She chooses to work part-time while trying to become a beauty influencer."
Any doubt or goodwill gone. CPS would go ape on your sister. Depending on where you are, you may or may not want to get them involved cause chances are you're going to be raising those kids from here on. She has a financial responsibility she needs to meet, along with their fathers.
ZaraBaz
THE KID HAD MOLD ON THEIR HAIR FROM NEGLECT! wow.
BeautifulChristinaaa
You are doing the right thing: Your actions are motivated by love and concern for the children. You are making a positive difference in their lives.
almaguisante
As soon as I read mold , you NTA. I’m glad your nibblings have you around to help. That 16yo deserves to be a kid and have time for school as she was drowning under the responsibility. Your sis should be thankful the school didn’t call child services.
TatraPoodle
Your sister knows she is a bad mother, but could sweep it under the rug, also to herself. Now she is ( rightfully) exposed she can’t deny it anymore and lashes out to you. You are a saint, but think before you kind off adopt the kids. It is a heavy load, can also be rewarding.
kr13al
You absolutely did nothing wrong and are a saving grace to these children clearly. CPS really should be called and a parenting plan put in place. Your sister was obviously young when she started having kids and maybe didn’t know what she needed to in order to provide proper parenting.
She needs guidance and more support at the VERY least and removal of children if she truly thinks she is doing a good job. Are you able and willing to take on these kids? Would you be willing to explore guardianship until your sister gets help? Anyways NTA and you are a wonderful aunt!