'AITA for telling my sister it feels like she only wants to visit us so we can offset her vacation costs?'
"AITA for telling my sister it feels like she only wants to visit us so we can offset her vacation costs?"
My husband and I live In PNW. My sister lives in Europe. Last time they visited us (her and her boyfriend) was 7 years ago and them we did a big southwest road trip (Yellowstone, all Utah parks, Grand canyon, Nevada, California).
So this year their vacation is end of September. We told them they should come visit us but she was complaining she doesn't have money and was looking at going somewhere else. After checking she decided it was too expensive everywhere and they will visit us again. We were like "that's great." But then she tells me she wants to go to Florida and New Orleans.
So I told her right away that we definitely don't want to go there. My husband lived in Florida when he was very young for a while and he really doesn't like it there and expressed that is not interested in New Orleans and I visited long ago by myself. So I was helping her find a multi city connections so they can go to Florida for a week before coming here.
I was also giving her ideas where to go in Florida (I went for a road trip long time ago with a friend) but then suddenly she changed her mind and bought round trip tickets to Seattle. I was like okay...then the next day she said they want to got to Hawaii. I said that Hawaii is very expensive and we would rather not go to save money on something else.
We went before to Oahu and Big island (when it was still affordable). But after talking we agreed but her plan was to go see Maui and Kauai in 7 days. We said that would feel too rushed and we don't think we would even enjoy that. I was pushing towards visiting one island - Maui (more to do) and we were looking at hotels and airbnbs but everything was pricey.
She said she can see affordable places and I asked her to send me links which all turned out to be places on Molokai. After investigating she decided it's too expensive. The next day she said she wants to go back to Grand Canyon and Zion, and try for the permits for the wave in Arizona. We took them to all of these places beside the wave during our road trip before.
We have seen the wave a few years back...I've been to Grand Canyon 5 times. My husband 3. Same all the Utah parks. My husband said he really doesn't want to go back there especially because he has a friend in Texas and he's been planning to visit for a while now and we will probably drive.
I called her and told her that we don't feel like going there again and she became irritated to which I became irritated as well and said:"We thought you guys are coming here to visit us and instead it feels like you are only coming here so we can cofund your trip" I was still talking and then realized she disconnected, I tried to call her 3 times and my calls would disconnect after one ring.
I sent her a message saying:" I don't know what is going on it looks like you're rejecting my calls?" the next day she sent a message back saying "I didn't reject your calls I just didn't pick up and that's a difference, I just disconnected and turned my phone off."
Then she proceeded to say it's her vacation but it's nice that we "let" them come and visit. And I said that it's vacation for us too. But she said that it's her trip and she is paying for the tickets to fly thousands of kilometers (but wants us to share costs if we go somewhere together, provide a car) at this point I just told her to call me when she cools of because I don't feel like it's a text message conversation.
She then asked if she will have to pay for electricity, water etc. When they are staying with us...I haven't heard from her in 8 days and know she told our mom that everything is great and they are going to vacation in the US.
When she bought tickets we were very excited to show them were we live and I started sending her places we could go to. I proposed Vancouver Island, Vancouver, BC and Alberta Parks combined with Glacier NP. Plus Mt Rainier, Olympics (rainforest and beaches) San Juan Islands, renting a boat to send a day or two on Puget sound, Tacoma car museum (he loves cars), proposed a backpacking trip.
Columbia river Gorge with it's waterfalls (they really like waterfalls), Portland, maybe Astoria and Cannon beach. All of these places they've never been too. Last time we focused on the Southwest so we skipped PNW. We are not the type of people to just sit home. And that wasn't the intention.
We went on a big trip to the southwest with them 7 years ago even though I've already been to all of these places before. Also paid for one of their tickets then to fly here. When we go to Europe we travel by ourselves usually because they never have time for us. 2 years ago went for a 5 day trip together.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Interesting-Lie-8942 wrote:
I'm not making a judgement, but when I lived in Orlando, FL, I knew and understood and was fine with family using my place to stay while hitting the theme parks.
I let them know that I couldn't go to the theme parks with them during the work week, and that I only had season tickets to Universal, so if they wanted to go to Disney, they were on their own. (Do Disney on Thursday and Friday, and then I can go to Universal with y'all on Saturday and Sunday.) But maybe that's just me.
OP responded:
Yeah sure, but the studios are in Orlando :) They are flying to Seattle and want to fly to Florida, Utah or Hawaii from here.
KittenBrawler-989 wrote:
YTA. You seem very difficult to please. She has offered several suggestions. You could just say that you don't have the money to travel. She obviously wants to see you. She doesn't have to let you know she is going on vacation. Do you want a relationship with your sister?
Archaic-Giraffe wrote:
The fact that you live in the PNW and sister wants to go to New Orleans and/or Florida is crazy. There would be expensive flights or days of driving for such an adventure. People forget how big the US is, and from the PNW to Florida is probably the longest distance across the US.
The driving distance from Seattle to Orlando is almost 3,100 miles. Likewise, from Seattle to New Orleans is more than 2,600 miles. I don’t see how that is even feasible unless you have unlimited time and plenty of money.
MiddleAged_Bogwitch wrote:
You both sound exhausting honestly. Your sister is throwing out all sorts of ideas but you’ve been there done that so you’re wet-blanketing her ideas. Some of your practical criticisms of her ideas are valid and based on experience, but you primary vibe is “we’re not feeling it.”
Yet you seem annoyed that she’s not super keen on the vacation ideas you’ve offered. Your sister doesn’t seem super realistic about her vacation goals or as adept as you are at planning, and that’s annoying for sure.
But I don’t get a sense that she’s trying to take advantage of you - she has her ideas of what she thinks would be fun and you have your own ideas, and you’re both feeling combative and taking it personally at this point. It may just not work for you to plan travel together until you can sort out the emotional triggers and upsets and communicate with less judgement. Guess I have to say, ESH.
OkeyDokey654 wrote:
NTA. I think you should just tell her “We’re thrilled to have you come visit us, but we’re not planning to combine that visit with an out-of-state trip this year.”
believe_in_claude wrote:
NTA. I absolutely understand that they want to visit you as part of a larger vacation. That makes sense if they are seldom in the US. What doesn't make sense is why she and her boyfriend have to do it as a combined couples trip with you. Why can't they just visit you for a couple of days and then go off and do their own thing? Is there some reason they need you to join them?