'AITA for telling my sister she’s a bad mother in the family group chat?' 'She inherited the favoritism gene.'
"AITA for telling my sister she’s a bad mother in the family group chat?"
My sister “Sara” (35) and I (30F) see each other around Christmas every year, other than that we don’t really communicate except for the occasional family group chat exchange. She has 2 sons, Jackson (15) and Ethan (13). I’ve always known that Ethan is quiet and reserved, and until recently I thought he preferred to not have a lot of attention, until I realized he’s just not getting any.
Until last Christmas, I thought Jackson and Ethan had the same dad. I learned Jackson’s dad left Sara after she cheated on him, hence, Ethan. I recently realized that Sara would reach out in the chat on behalf of Jackson. If he had a sports game, doing a fundraiser, had a social event to attend, she would ask us to attend, donate, or help him get to/from his social event if she couldn’t take him.
Or if he was suspended from school, she would reach out to us for help, but RARELY would we hear anything about Ethan, and she NEVER told us that Jackson was suspended 99% of the time for bullying Ethan and his friends. They now go to separate schools!
Recently Sara asked if someone could take Ethan to his school choir concert so she could attend parent conferences at Jackson’s school. Odd to me because she didn’t ask anyone to go watch him perform, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe Ethan didn’t want anyone to watch.
I offered to take him, watch the concert if he wanted me to, and take him home. He had a solo, he was smiling and clearly loved what he was doing. His choir director said Ethan is always helping other students and asked me to come to more concerts.
Some time after, Sara was once again busy at Driver's Ed with Jackson and Ethan was home. He started vomiting and called his mom. She reached out and asked if anyone else could go take care of him until she got home, so I did. But she didn’t come home early. Two weeks later (two weeks ago from now) he broke his hand.
Last weekend I bought tickets to the symphony and planned to take him, but wound up not being able to because I was sick. I transferred the tickets to his mom and begged her to take him and she said she would. I texted Ethan yesterday and asked how he liked it but he didn’t respond. So I called his mom.
She didn’t take him and didn’t find anyone else to. She was “busy” and forgot, but wasn't too busy to ask the family group chat THE DAY OF THE CONCERT if anyone would help pay for Jackson's DC trip in the spring. I went off on her in the family group chat and said she is being a bad mother.
I said I don’t know if it’s because she inherited the favoritism gene from our parents or if she is subconsciously punishing him because SHE cheated and got rightfully dumped, and I told her that she needs to step up for her son.
Of course this has caused a group chat storm. At first I felt justified, but some of the responses say otherwise, and Sara of course says I'm the biggest AH. AITA for calling her out in front of the rest of the family?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
volumeoforgottenlore said:
You’re 100% justified…but that might be something you should send her in private messages…and gossip with everyone else on the side to get them on your side first. People in families are often biased against anything that disturbs the peace. A lot of people prefer an easy peace to justice.
Humble_Guidance_6942 said:
NTA. People like your sister aren't going to respond or care about your deserved criticism of her. The most helpful thing that you can do is be there for Ethan. Having someone who cares can be a lifeline for lonely kids like him. Please stay in his life.
Live-Ice7323 said:
NTA. You are calling it like you see it. Hopefully you will be able to still spend time with Ethan as it sounds like he could really use someone that cares. You won't be able to change your sister's crappy parenting but you might be able to make a difference in Ethan's life.
duchessofcheezit said:
NTA. Thank you for standing up for Ethan. It’s always important to have people rallying for you, but even more so during the teen years. Please continue to be there for him. As for your sister…may she reap what she has sown. She needed the call out on group chat. Shaming isn’t always a bad thing.
5115E said:
NTA. People will say that you should have addressed it with her directly; that wouldn't have made any difference. Everyone in the family group has seen the same messages you've seen and no one connected the dots, they all need a wake up call. Otherwise there's no possibility she will change or be held accountable.
Old_Cheek1076 said:
NTA because not only does she deserve to get called out, by doing it with a lot of family-witnesses, there is the possibility that she will be held accountable.