'AITA for telling my sister she's not really the kind of mom she says/thinks she is?'
"AITA for telling my sister she's not really the kind of mom she says/thinks she is?"
CW: abuse
My sister, Kimantha (40s), is much older than me (mid 20s). Kimantha is a mom and it's her whole personality. She constantly posts on social media that her home is open to any kid who might not feel like they have a place to go.
She gets REAL into it and every 5th or so post is one of those memes about being the "cool" place to crash. Or that she wants to be the house where all the kids can just walk in and grab a soda. She has her kids' friends call her Momma K. Whatever.
Recently we were talking on the phone and she cursed and said, "Not again," and said she had to be quiet so no one knew she was home. She then ranted about her neighbors who yell and scream all the time, and their daughter who we'll call "Annabell" (7).
I guess Annabell and Kimantha's daughter "Petal" (8) are friends. Annabell comes over every day (or tries to), rings the bell and sits on the porch if they aren't home, etc. Kimantha said when Annabell comes over she's always asking for food and Kimantha feeds her most days.
Kimantha said that Annabell's older sister "Betty (15?)" refuses to go in the house when the Dad is home (she will even sleep on their porch!). To me, this screams that these girls are at the very least food insecure, likely neglected, and possibly abused.
Kimantha said that she was just done dealing with someone else's kid. I laughed and said, "Ha, so much for all those Facebook posts, eh?" Oh...was she pissed. She asked me what I meant and I said that she posts about being the "cool mom" and the place all the neighborhood kids could crash...
But then when someone actually seems to need that safe place...she's hiding in her bathroom and pretending she's not at home. I said that I guess she's not really the kind of mom she says she is.
She. Went. Mental. Screaming at me about how I don't know anything. Granted, Kimantha said that she'd be fine with it if the girl didn't "bully" Petal in school. I asked her what Annabell had done to bully Petal, and she said that occasionally Annabell doesn't sit with Petal at lunch and one time kicked mulch at her during recess.
To me, these didn't sound like bullying but like, typical playground conflicts...and frankly a pretty weak excuse and I told her so. Anyway, Kimantha isn't talking to me currently and keeps sending me hateful texts about not knowing anything about kids.
While I 100% don't think she's RESPONSIBLE for dealing with Annabell, I do think she's being an ashole for saying she's "that kind of mom" online, but then...not actually doing it when it's happening in real life? So...AITA?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
I did ask during the call if she had called CPS on the parents. Kimantha said she doesn't have enough evidence to make a report. I told her that sleeping outside rather than inside because the dad was home WAS evidence and she told me to shut up and not tell her what to do.
I also live 3 states away and don't know any of the addresses or even the streets that Betty/Annabelle live off of so I don't actually think I CAN call CPS as all I have is a 3rd hand conversation as evidence and no specific location.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Petefriend86 said:
NTA. It's really annoying to see people on Facebook post about their virtues, then find out that it's only really a hazy, vague, "if I don't have to really do anything difficult" sort of virtue. Someone needs to step up for those two girls, and it doesn't sound like it'll be your sister.
C_Majuscula said:
NTA. Social media addicts get pissy when they get called out on their online posturing; your sister is no exception.
cinekat said:
NTA but for God's sake please notify whatever authorities available in your country and get those girls help! Your hypocritical sister is not who you should be focusing on in this situation.
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 said:
NTA for calling out the hypocrisy. I agree that she's not obligated to take in someone else's kid, especially not when that kid is bullying their own child. By that same token, though, she doesn't need to advertise an open house on FB when she knows that see doesn't want to be running one.
Dazzling-Toe-4955 said:
NTA I was that kid that was scared to go home and f her for saying all those things about kids. A lot of people pretend on the internet maybe you should remind her about Ruby Franke. You did nothing but tell the truth, sometimes the truth hurts. Having hurt feelings isn't great, but she isn't a child having to go to a neighbors for food or having to sleep outside.
Dry_Ant_3129 said:
NTA. She needs a harder reality check. You should also call her a hypocrite. She's all big talk no action.