'AITA for telling my sister to take financial accountability or leave me alone?'

"AITA for telling my sister to take accountability or leave me alone?"

One year ago I (30F) received a panicked call from my sister Sally (35F) because my parents house was going into foreclosure. My parents had stopped living in that house in 2014 and let my oldest sister Ann (40F) and her family live there, with the understanding that she would pay the mortgage. My parents are immigrants and had called Sally because they did not understand the letter they received.

Sally learned that the mortgage had not been paid in over 6 months and they had sent multiple letters to the home that Ann lived in. By the time Sally was involved, she only has a few days left to pay the debt. I live in a different state over 1000 miles away and Sally called me because the mortgage company had offices in my state, but not theirs.

I was on standby in case her latest payment did not go through, so that I could pay the debt myself in person. Eventually her wire transfer was accepted and the crisis was averted. When my parents and Sally finally confronted Ann, she claimed that the bank had lost the payments but refused to show any sort of statements to back up her claims.

Some harsh words were said, but my parents decided to let it go in the name of peace. Ann ended up moving out but blames Sally for getting involved when it wasn’t “her business”.

Months pass and I decided to use the holiday travel for baby showers as this was my 1st pregnancy. Sally offered to throw me the baby shower at her home. Ann never showed up and gave different excuses to different people.

A few weeks later, I get a voice note from Ann crying saying she couldn’t come to my party because she couldn’t imagine being in Sally’s home after “what she did to her” and to reach out to her “when I was ready."

Heavily pregnant and hormonal, I was upset she would try to blame someone else and that she was putting the responsibility of our relationship on me while dealing with a difficult pregnancy. So I didn’t respond for over 6 months.

In that time Ann has sent random posts from social media as if everything is fine. I finally got fed up today and responded to a message saying she could take accountability for taking advantage of her family, or no longer have a relationship with me. AITA for bringing up the conflict with my parents or should I stay out of it?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

squeakhound wrote:

NTA. Ann did a terrible thing to your parents, and ultimately you and Sally, as only because of you two was the crisis averted. To this day she hasn’t admitted, let alone apologized for her behavior. She does need to take accountability, and you are right to call her on it.

OP responded:

Ann has said no one else has the right to comment on it since it is none of their business. The extended family seems content to let her act like nothing happened, going so far as telling Sally she should have never gotten involved.

GoatTacos wrote:

NTA. I’m sorry but it sounds like your sister Ann is a dumbass who got lucky her family was able to bail her out and save the house. Doing this and acting like a child while you’re pregnant is pretty immature. She maybe the oldest but she definitely needs to grow up.

Feodora_simps wrote:

NTA. Sally literally paid the debt that Ann had because she didn’t pay the mortgage. The audacity to blame Sally for saving her a#$ is so infuriating. Ann probably going to cut you off as well because it seems like she doesn’t know what taking accountability and being responsible means. If I was Sally I would’ve demanded the money back or have Ann move out.

Ladystetson wrote:

NTA. But Ann has some serious issues going on. She's lying, hiding and avoiding accountability.

People lie when they have something to hide that they are ashamed of.

People hide the truth when they have something going on that they are ashamed of.

People deny accountability when they are ashamed of their actions to the point that they aren't emotionally capable of owning the fact that they actually did it.

If you asked me, I'd say Ann is struggling with addiction or has an abusive partner or there's something else going on. I think boundaries are a good way to address whatever this issue is and so I think you're on the right track. Congrats on the baby!

Thr748 wrote:

NTA. Ann needs to get her shit together. I’m guessing that your parents let her get away with a lot of things over the years and that’s why she is the way she is. Good on you for drawing boundaries and not letting her treat you and your sister however she wants just because you’re family.

Although she’s the eldest she seems like the least emotionally mature. Sometimes family members don’t realize that just because you’re related doesn’t mean they get a pass to treat you badly. The ball is in her court to apologize and take accountability for her actions.

SavingsRhubarb8746 wrote:

NTA. Ann dragged you into it by leaving you the voice message blaming Sally's "interference"/rescue of the house for her not attending your baby shower. At that point, you were at perfect liberty to tell her that Sally rescued your parents when Ann nearly lost their house to foreclosure, and if Sally hasn't done that, you would have yourself.