'AITA for telling my sister that the father of my child is none of her business?'
"AITA for telling my sister that the father of my child is none of her business?"
I (30f) and my sister (26f) normally have a really close relationship. Our parents weren’t the best growing up and they both have horrible relationships with their siblings. So we always promised each other that we would stay close.
The only issue with my sister is that she likes to give input on situations when it’s not needed and a lot of the time the situations she talking about are untrue. For example when she was in high school she somehow got it into her head that I had developed an addiction to some kind of drug. Which lead to a whole lot of drama in our family.
Now to the issue currently. I got pregnant when I was 18 with my daughter. My daughter is now 11 and the best kid in the world. My daughter’s father has never been involved in her life. When I told him I was pregnant he told me to get an abortion.
I told him that I wasn’t going to do that and if he didn’t want to be involved that was fine. I was already living on my own and could support myself and my daughter and my family was there to help in any way they could.
Things have been going great since then. But recently my sister has gotten this idea that my daughter is missing out on having a father and that I need to tell her who he is and that I need to go after him for child support.
I’ve tried to tell her in so many different ways that this isn’t any of her business. My daughter isn’t interested in meeting him. I don’t need his help financially at all. I don’t want to try to force a relationship that he obviously doesn’t want.
This has been going on for a couple of weeks and yesterday I finally snapped. My sister called my daughter and started pushing her to tell me that she wanted to a relationship with her dad. This made my daughter super uncomfortable.
I called my sister and told her that she needs to drop it. My daughter’s father is absolutely none of her business and that if she doesn’t stop I’m going no contact until she can apologize to me and my kid.
Her husband called me about an hour later and said I had made my sister cry and that she was only trying to make sure my daughter had the best life she can have. So AITA for telling her this is none of her business?
I get that she’s trying to help but the second my kid becomes uncomfortable or doesn’t like a situation it’s my job to make sure that gets fixed no matter who’s feeling I hurt.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA - Your daughter has made it clear that she doesn't want to have a relationship with her father so the decision ends there. Your sister is inserting herself into your and your daughter's business for absolutely no reason.
NTA - your daughter is already well cared for - she has the love and attention of what seems to be a kind and caring mother. There is absolutely nothing wrong with growing up without knowing her sperm donor, especially as your daughter doesn't seem to be interested in knowing who he is, or actually knowing him.
Your sister is sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong. If you were actively preventing your daughter from finding him/getting to know him, you would be the AH, but you're not. Plus, at this moment, you are protecting your daughter. Sister needs to mind her own business and butt out.
So, reinforcing the fact that your daughter’s father wanted nothing, and continues to want nothing, to do with her is meant to lead her to her best life? Your sister needs to keep her comments and opinions to herself on this matter. It is not your fault that you had to rein her in, and it’s not your fault she had a pity party when you explained that she had crossed the line. NTA.
Nta. Your child, your decision, its none of her business. Involving your daughter is outrageous.
NTA. You have done the right thing. The only thing that matters here is to ensure your daughter knows she can come and ask any questions she may have if and when she feels ready. Until then, it is a closed topic, and you need to carry through with your threat if your sister persists.
NTA. If your daughter was interested in finding out more about her father, I might have a different answer but as it stands it’s very weird that your sister is pushing this.
NTA she's overstepping by miles. It isn't her business at all but will telling her to stop actually make her stop? Bc it seems like it won't.
Lunchbox_5223 (OP)
That’s why I’m going no contact until she gets this out of her head. She’s done this kind of thing a couple times. Once she was convinced I had slept with a p0rnstar and was mad that I didn’t tell her and I had to go no contact again until that got out of her head.
Does she have some mental health issues?
Lunchbox_5223 (OP)
Maybe? I don’t know honestly. She’s always been a little like off. Another example was like right before thanksgiving we were talking about be going somewhere with my friend and my sister had this meltdown that I always pick my friends over her. I was like dude you live on the other side of the country? How am I supposed to invite you to go do stuff when we don’t even live in the same state.