'AITA for telling my sister to just suck it up and wear the bridesmaid dress our cousin chose?' (Picture Included)
"AITA for telling my sister to just suck it up and wear the bridesmaid dress our cousin chose?"
baseball-louie
My cousin Christie (27F) got engaged a few months ago and asked my sister Jessica (20F) and I (25F) to be bridesmaids in her wedding. She recently sent the bridesmaid dress she picked for us in the bridal party group chat, and everyone immediately gushed about how much we loved it, and Christie was clearly very happy and excited about the dress.
It’s an orange satin dress with a pink floral pattern. It’s definitely a very bright and bold choice, but I personally think it’s really pretty, and fits her colorful tropical wedding theme really nicely.
However, my sister Jessica HATES everything about dress. She thinks the color is ugly, the pattern is tacky, and that satin is impractical for a beach wedding. She does not want to be seen wearing it or have pictures of her in posted on social media.
She has been begging me to help her talk to Christie about it and tell her to pick a different dress, or let us choose our own dresses. She also wants to reach out to the other bridesmaids (who are mostly Christie’s friends who we barely know yet) and ask them their opinion, because she is certain no one else likes the dress.
I’ve told Jessica that she just needs to suck it up, because part of being a bridesmaid is realizing the day is not about you or your preferences. We are there to support the bride and make the day special for her. Christie clearly has a certain vision for her dream wedding, and I feel like wearing the dress she wants for one day is not a huge ask.
Jessica does not see it that way, and believes she should not be made to wear a something she is not comfortable in. It would be different if her discomfort came from the dress being too revealing, or if she wasn’t comfortable wearing dresses in general.
But her argument basically boils down to the dress being ugly in her opinion and not her style. I don’t know how we would confront Christie with this without insulting her taste and potentially hurting her feelings.
The wedding is still 8 months away, so if I’m the asshole here and should try to change Christie’s mind on behalf of my sister, now is the time to do it before everyone has bought the dresses and gotten alterations. But I would rather just avoid the drama.
EDIT: since a couple people asked to see the dress I will try to add the link to it. dress
EDIT 2: Hi, I really appreciate everyone weighing in! It’s nice to see that the dress is equally divisive among you all as it was between my sister and I.
I will be showing this thread to my sister, and I definitely will not be bringing up her problems about taste/style to my cousin (which I never had any desire to do in the first place).
However some people have shown me that the site selling the dress has pretty bad reviews, and it may be risky to try to buy from there. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, this is definitely worth letting my cousin know. Hopefully we can find the dress on a better site, or she can at least find another one with a similar vibe and price point.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
CrimsonKnight_004
NTA - I think you’re absolutely right that this would be different if her concerns were about the dress being more revealing than she’s comfortable with or if she didn’t like dresses. But this is just a stylistic difference. I think it’s very reasonable for a bride to want her bridal party to stick to a certain theme as long as it’s nothing outrageous or unreasonable.
This isn’t outrageous or unreasonable, it’s just a theme. This is the kind of thing where Jessica has two choices. Wear the dress and be a bridesmaid, or don’t be a bridesmaid and wear her own dress as a guest.
Tight_Jaguar_3881
I must have had a dozen unwearable anywhere else bridesmaids dresses . They screamed bridesmaid with bows on my back and icky colors one would never wear in NYC. But I never said a word. They were my friends, and I cared about them and wanted their day to be their day.
Apple_Shampoo1234
My friends and I do themed book club nights every month. One month we all wore old bridesmaid dresses and had a contest on whose was the most off the wall dress.
MissNikiL
NTA. Might be time to show your sister 27 Dresses. 🤣 Honestly your sister either needs to step out of the bridal party or get over it. The dress has nothing to do with her and everything to do with what the bride wants. Acting like a brat about it isn't going to do anything other than make her look like a brat.
I look like a sickly Victorian child in certain colors but if my friend wanted that color for her bridesmaids I would wear it gladly. If nothing else it would make her look even more amazing on her special day.
LadyAlexTheDeviant
NTA. Sucking it up and wearing a dress you NEVER would have worn in a million years is a time-honored part of being a bridesmaid.
PercyWallace
My buddy is a huge Miami Dolphins fan and that was his wedding theme…. Dolphin’s colors (we live in Illinois btw) I had to wear a white suit with a green vest and an orange tie. It was ridiculous.
But he thought enough of me to make me one of his groomsmen so I rocked that like it was my funeral on prom night. Being in a bridal party is an honor, sooooo not only is your sister an AH, she’s an ungrateful AH.