'AITA for telling my sister’s baby daddy to sleep in the spare bedroom instead of on my couch?'

"AITA for telling my sister’s baby daddy to sleep in the spare bedroom instead of on my couch in his underwear?"

My mom passed away two years ago, and the house she shared with my dad was left to him. He moved to Mexico for a while and rented it to me, my fiancé, and a roommate (his best friend’s daughter). The roommate moved out after failing to pay rent, but I continued covering the mortgage and invested in repairs — new floors, plumbing, cleaning, etc.

My dad recently moved back and now lives downstairs. We split the mortgage since he can’t afford it alone. I want to keep the house in the family. My fiancé and I live upstairs.

I’m 5.5 months pregnant and work as a flight attendant, so I’m often gone and exhausted. My sister has a 3-year-old daughter with a man (BD) who was ab#$ive to her. They broke up, but she let him stay with her while he "figured things out."

She moved to a new place with a new boyfriend but let BD stay at my house so he could see their daughter on his “days.” He’s not on the lease, pays no rent, doesn’t work, and I didn’t have a say. She’s comfortable with him watching their daughter here rather than at a hotel or a new place where he would be living with random roommates.

The spare bedroom upstairs is basically a laundry/storage room with a bed. I asked my sister to help clean it if BD wanted to sleep there. She said she would but never did. I cleaned and washed linens myself. Still, BD sleeps on the couch in just his underwear and walks around shirtless. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially being pregnant.

The other night, I made soup and was with my niece. My fiancé came home, and we were trying to have a normal evening. My niece peed on the couch, and her parents (my sister and BD) were cleaning it. I calmly told them the bedroom is clean and BD needs to sleep there, not on the couch. If he has issues, he can clean or bag the laundry.

My sister blew up. She said her daughter is more comfortable sleeping on the couch with her dad and that I’m “kicking a 3-year-old off the couch.” She called the room a “dirty room” no one would want to sleep in, even though I cleaned it. She accused me of “acting like a victim” and “blowing up,” even though I’d been asking nicely for weeks.

She insists the house is just as much hers as mine because it belonged to our mom. Today she threatened to start paying part of the mortgage so I “can’t keep acting like it’s only my house.” Her 3-year-old daughter has basically no discipline and dictates where she sleeps.

My sister lets it happen. I don’t plan to let a toddler control my living space or override adult boundaries. After this, BD left and got a hotel because he felt I wasn’t “welcoming enough.” My sister had to take her daughter to her own house and got upset with me for “ruining her plans” — as if setting boundaries in my home is the problem.

To be clear:

My sister doesn’t live here or pay rent. BD is here for free with no responsibilities. I pay the mortgage and maintain the house. I’m pregnant and just want respect and boundaries.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Jocelyn-1973 wrote:

The story is not completely clear, so do I understand correctly:

- The house was your father's and mother's, your mother died and left it to your father, your father rents it out to you, your financé and a friend?

- But your friend couldn't make rent so left - and then you covered the mortgage? (still rent, I guess, or do you actually have ownership?).

- Your dad moved back in and pays half of the mortgage.

- Your sister and her child lived somewhere else with BD, broke up with BD and moved out of that house, into a new one, with a new boyfriend.

- Your sister then let the BD stay in your house.

Why would you let BD in your house? You are the one who rents half of the house. Why would your sister, who doesn't live there, get to decide that her ex-boyfriend gets to live in your house?

OP responded:

She claims it’s just as much her house because it once was half my mothers and I tried explaining to her that it’s our dads house. I have no ownership and she doesn’t either until the day he passes. I think she is living in this future world where he has passed on because he has been facing some health issues of his own.

EducationalPlant173 wrote:

If your sister doesn't live there why do you have to let the BD stay in your house? That's not your problem, they need to find a solution themselves without involving others.

OP responded:

Because she says the house is “just as much hers” since it belonged to our parents and now my dad.

Vera_Telco wrote:

You're NTA for being uncomfortable with your sister's BD (baby daddy) and your niece randomly crashing at your home in the common living room. If he used to be abusive to your sis, how the hell are you supposed to feel at ease with him hanging around, whatever his motive?

Plus, man you don't really know in the house? NOT ok! Your sister is being lazy by putting him there on his "days" with their child and expecting you to put up with it. Especially when he has no idea how to manage said child, or behave in a house that has other people in it.

I get he's "family" of a sort...however having him there uninvited and free-range roaming about, in his skivvies no less, is an unwelcome distraction in the place you're supposed to be able to relax and feel safe...plus it's just plain gross. Hopefully with him out, things will settle themselves out.

Corodix wrote:

NTA and this is something your dad needs to deal with. I already see in one of your comments that he's a pushover, so perhaps tell him that if BD is allowed to move back in that you and your husband will be moving out and he'll have to figure out the mortgage on his own then. He can't afford for you to leave and stop paying like that. Thus if he's such a pushover then simply push harder than BD and your sister.

Frequent-Size3061 wrote:

Solution seems simple to me: ban BD from the house. He can get his own place and coparent his daughter during his allotted time. Do not allow a bum to sleep in his underwear on your couch.

As for your sister, she won't pay the mortgage. She won't even look after her own kid. Sounds like you are doing some supervision/parenting in this scenario. You have a baby on the way. Grow a backbone and start laying down heavy boundaries. Change the locks if necessary.