'AITA for Telling My Sister's Kids the Real Reason She Got Divorced?'
"AITA for Telling My Sister's Kids the Real Reason She Got Divorced?"
Particular-Garden155
My sister, Lisa, (36F) just divorced her husband, Tom, (38M) It wasnt a really messy affair although there was some mudslinging on both sides. She's been running around telling everybody he had an affair.
But the truth of the matter is that she's been having affairs for years. He finally found out and decided to end things. Only a few family members know this, and we've all kept quiet to protect her.
Lisa and Tom have two children: Jake, 15M, and Emma, 12F. They have not been handling the divorce well and have acted out quite a bit. Lisa has been portraying herself as the victim, and because of this, the children resent Tom. They won't even want to see him, and when they do, they are openly hostile during the very limited time they have together.
Last weekend, I had Jake and Emma over when they first began to vent about their dad. I tried to be objective with them, but they just kept hammering. Jake said, "Mom told us Dad cheated on her and that is why they split up. I hate him for breaking up our family."
Exasperated, I blurted, "Your dad isn't the cheater. It is your mom who has been deceiving you." Well, they were obviously in shock and wanted more. And I told them everything.
When Lisa found out, she was furious. She said I had betrayed her and put her children in an even worse position than they were in before. My mom said I did the right thing. My dad thinks I should have kept quiet. Tom is glad it's all out in the open, though he, too, thinks it should have been Lisa who had to tell the truth.
Now, Jake and Emma are both bewildered and upset at both of us. They're not talking to Lisa, and that's been very painful for her. She says I've destroyed her relationship with her kids, that I'll never know what it's like to want to protect your kids from a painful truth. So, AITA for telling my sister's kids the real reason that she got divorced?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Dresden_Mouse
NTA. She's was lying to alienate their dad, she deserves the consequences of her actions.
Kuurisumasu
NTA. Kids deserve the truth, especially if they're being manipulated. Your sister’s actions led to this fallout.
Verried_vernacular32
Every kid needs at least one adult they know will tell them the truth.
Repulsive_Effort4607
This!!!!!! These poor kids don’t trust their dad based on lies their mom is telling to protect her own reputation. Now they don’t trust either parent.
i284u74838i2
NTA. Shes so upset that youve ruined her relationship with her kids but had no issue doing that to her ex. First she has an affair, and then she turns his own children against him. What a monster. You did the right thing.
The OP responded here:
Particular-Garden155
She had an affair in her last relationship as well and to this day refuses to take responsibility for it, so this sort of behaviour isnt anything new.
Queen_Red01
Honestly, if you were my uncle, I’ll be happy you actually told the truth to me at the moment instead of me finding out years later. You save this kids from hating their dad and showing them their mom is a lying, manipulative cheating person.
Wrong_Moose_9763
"Tom is grateful that the truth is out, but he also thinks it should have come from Lisa."
So he expects the lying cheater to all of a sudden start telling the truth, yeah no. NTA.
DawnShakhar
NTA. Lisa wasn't protecting her kids from a painful truth - she was lying in order to paint herself in a positive light, and by doing that she alienated them from their father.
In principle I'm against giving children information about their parents' sex life and reasons for divorce. However, there is one exception to that principle - when one parent lies to the children and alienates them from the other parent.
In that case, everyone has the responsibility to correct the lie and tell the truth - for the sake of the children and for the sake of the victimised parent. You did well to tell the truth here.
Level-Tangerine-8172
I'm sorry? Where was this concern for protecting her kids when she lied about her husband cheating? Let's say, hypothetically, he had cheated. If she was so concerned with "protecting" her kids she would have kept that to herself and told her kids some generic story about how things didn't work out.
Which, by the way, many parents do when they get divorced. The only person your sister was interested in protecting was herself. NTA.
CQWife
NTA. You didn't ruin anything. She did. Here, she goes playing the victim again. Telling them the truth should have come from their Mom, but that obviously was never going to happen.
Speaking of "protecting" the kids. How was she protecting anyone, BUT HERSELF, by lying to her children about which parent cheated!!?? Alienating a parent is wrong, especially when you know they're a good person.
clarabell1980
Protect her kids from the truth! Nah more like she didn’t want to be seen in a bad light. What she was doing was manipulating them. All they had to do was sit the kids down explain they were separating. She shouldn’t have been trying to turn her kids against their own father. Situation of her own making I’m afraid.