'AITA for telling my soon-to-be wife her wedding request is ridiculous and I will not budge on it?'
"AITA for telling my soon-to-be wife her wedding request is ridiculous and I will not budge on it?"
CalligrapherOk5346
Throwaway account. Me (27) is marrying (25) next summer and we are doing wedding planning. My wife has always been a very social person and really loves her connections with her friends.
She’s the life of the party type and always goes way over the top with plans. The issue is the wedding party. My wife wants to have 17 (17!!!!!) SEVENTEEN bridesmaids.
This would be her 2 sisters, my sister, 2 of her cousins, her 4 highschool best friends, 6 members of her former sorority including her big and little (who she’s not even very close with anymore, but let’s just say she took Greek life pretty seriously) and 2 of her coworkers she’s known for about a year.
Am I unreasonable here for thinking that is absolutely positively asinine? Like the entrance procession of the ceremony is gonna take half an hour itself. Also, that would mean I need that many groomsman.
I think I have great friends and I’m social but I don’t have that many people. She suggested that since some of her friends have husbands/boyfriends, they can be groomsmen. Or some of her best guy friends can be groomsmen to make up for the number.
I said hell no because I want these people to be special to ME. I tried to talk to her about reducing the number but she “can’t” because all these people are extremely important to her.
I didn’t say this but some of her bridesmaids have gotten married and not included her as a bridesmaid. I suggested maybe cut some of the sorority sisters and maybe the coworkers she hasn’t known that long. She shot down any type of compromise.
This is when I said I am going to stop doing any of my part of wedding planning until she agrees to do this. It’s almost like we are playing a game of chicken to see who caves in to the other first. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
EntireRaise89
NTA. That's an INSANE number of attendants. If you're getting married in a church, maybe call them up and ask if there are restrictions on the number of attendants in a wedding.
That could solve the problem for you. Or find other roles for these people to play if she insists they participate in your wedding i.e. readers, ushers, etc. There has got to be a compromise between 0 and 17 bridesmaids!
IronyHurts
NTA. That is insane. If everyone she's ever been friends with gets to be a bridesmaid, then nobody is really a bridesmaid. It loses all of the shine.
Shitsuri
"Also, that would mean I need that many groomsman."
It doesn't actually mean this. Bridesmaids can escort each other down the aisle and stand/sit stand in whatever arrangement makes sense.
WizBiz92
Wedding DJ here. That's too many bridesmaids. I had groups with like 7 and been like "this is logistically too many." You're gonna need like four or five processional songs just for them, and then you're gonna lose at least 20 minutes every time you need to regroup for an event.
Grand entrance, speeches, etc... easily hours over the course of the night. NTA, tell her someone in the industry says that is ridiculous and she shouldn't do it.
Pandaora
NAH, yet. That is a very large number... but just putting your foot down and playing chicken isn't going to bode well for how you handle future disagreements. Maybe suggest some alternate 'roles' they could take?
hopingtothrive
Your wife is making it all about her and not about "us". She wants attention and glory. This is who you are marrying. It will always be about her. 17 is stupid. No one will feel special.
Being a bridesmaid is a burden to most. Expensive, time consuming and stressful. Co-workers? Really? Why? They will not remain important in your lives. But who cares.
But I don't think you'll convince your gf of anything. She is self-centered. Her bridesmaids are "extremely important" and that means more important than you and your wishes. She does not look at this as both of your wedding, it's HER wedding.
AudDMurphy
NTA. But folks, it's too late for OP, for the love of Xenu please have these conversations before you get to the proposal phase. Just...talk about your long term plans. Talk about how if you got married what that would look like. Figure this stuff out before you're in the moment.
Because when non-refundable deposits are being put down is a terrible time to find out that you thought you were getting married in a Quaker ceremony in a log cabin with only 10 people attending and your significant other intends to hire the Blue Angels to fly overhead while their unemployable cousin plays the pan flute with their former roommate officiating.
cuirboy
NAH. You're right, 17 bridesmaids is ridiculous. And if she's the one suggesting you need 17 groomsmen (she suggested her friends rather than saying you can just go with fewer), that's ridiculous, too.
But on the other hand, I can think of a a lot worse things than wanting to have all of your friends be a part of your special day. I wish I had the problem of having too many friends.
I think the compromise is for her to have as many of her friends as she wants in the wedding and for you to do the same. My advice after many years of marriage is to pick your battles, and telling my spouse not to have so many friends would not be one I would choose.
Lean into it and be happy for her, even if what makes her happy in this case might seem a little crazy. It might be ridiculous, but there's no real harm in having 17 bridesmaids.