'AITA for telling my stay-at-home wife to get a job when she felt poor?'

"AITA for telling my wife 'that's why you should get a job' after she told me people shop a lot more than she does?"

So my wife and I are in our late 30s, we've been married for 13 years and she's been a stay-at-home mom that whole time other than doing a short grubhub gig for a few months. She made the decision of being a stay-at-home mom because she "wanted to spend time with the kids and not miss anything" even though when dating she said she wanted to work, and I expressed wanting to be a dual-income household.

One child is mine biologically, the eldest is not. They are 14 and 11. Yesterday, my wife went to the mall shopping and when she came back she said "you should've seen all those people with a lot of bags spending $800+ and here I was spending only $100, I felt poor" I told her "well if you feel poor maybe it's time for you to get a job" she went silent and walked away.

For reference, I make $130,000 at my job after-taxes and we live in a lcol city with modest expenses. I give her $1,000/mo in "fun money" and she feels it's not enough anymore. We have a separate fund for gifts the fun money is purely fun. This trip to the mall was just shopping for herself.

I could increase her allowance, but I think it's reasonable so I just throw the extra into investing, and she's always saying how we should invest less and spend more, but I disagree.

She always shows me her friends on vacation and their wives shopping or what new car their husbands bought them, etc and I always say the same thing because most of those wives work jobs too and she doesn't so I feel it's not an apples to apples comparison. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Sharika72 said:

Guess who’s not at the mall spending anything? Poor people. Her data set is flawed.

Savings-Bison-512 said:

I literally survive on a fixed income of not much more than her spending money. Maybe she doesn't understand what being poor is really like.

FormSuccessful1122 said:

NTA. These people are nuts. Your wife is a spoiled brat. $1000 a month to just spend on HERSELF? And then she whines about it? Must be nice.

JangaGully2424 said:

NTA if she wants more she needs to work. So I hope she has a spousal 401k setup for her retirement. Most SAHM go back once the kids are in full-time school.

LabCat62 said:

NTA. She has $1000 a month to spend on herself? She saw a bunch of people spending more money than her, felt jealous, but only spent $100 herself? Where did the other $900 go?

NPC_over_yonder said:

Housewife checking in. Your wife is delulu if she thinks 1k in “fun” money a month isn’t enough. That’s enough to have lash extensions, massages, facials, classic nails and pedi and several “nice” (but not designer) items of clothing per month.

This is assuming she buys gym memberships and fitness classes (health expense), streaming services (everyone uses it), home decor and kitchen things, and incidental food stuff (coffee and snacks while she’s out running errands) with the “regular” money.

Familiar-Menu-2725 said:

NTA I put back a bag of pretzels at the grocery store yesterday because they were more than $5. She doesn’t know how good she has it. And if she thinks otherwise, it’s definitely time for her to get a job. Also, stop giving it to her. That kind of enabling is a whole other problem.

wtfisasamoflange said:

She should take that $1000 and invest it, so she can have a nest egg when you two divorce in a few years.