'AITA for telling my step mother she can’t bring her own wine to my wedding?'
"AITA for telling my step mother she can’t bring her own wine to my wedding?"
DumplingBandit
I (29F) am getting married in a few months. A few days ago my step mom asked what alcohol would be at the wedding and I shared that we’re doing an open bar with signature cocktails, beer, wine, and liquor. She asked what kind of wine would be there and I said I wasn’t familiar with the type, but it would be a house red and white.
She said she and my dad and our family friends are very particular about the type of Chardonnay they like, and I told her I planned to surprise my dad (who contributed a generous amount to the wedding) by selecting a nice bottle or two of Chardonnay from their specialty wine menu to have just for them.
She asked if there would be enough for her friends, and I said that the bottles were about $80 each so I was only going to get 2, not enough for many people. (There is no cheaper Chardonnay option on their menu, all of their specialty wine is pretty expensive).
She then asked if she could bring her own. I told her I would have no idea if she just stuck some in her purse - but she said she was thinking about bringing a cooler with a few bottles.
I told her that it was a pretty nice venue and she’d feel uncomfortable doing so - would she do this for my cousin's wedding (which was super nice) we went to a few months ago? She totally came unglued and stomped off.
I was totally calm throughout and really think I was as calm as I typed out here. That said, what she said, in my opinion, really reads to me that she thinks my wedding is going to be cheap and her friends are very well off and won’t want to drink the crap wine we’re serving.
And just for context, this is going to be about a $65,000 wedding. So, definitely not cheaping out here. My dad asked me the same question a few weeks ago and I gave him the same answer, and he was like “ok cool no problem”.
He and my brother didn’t hear this conversation but think I didn’t need to say (basically) that she wouldn’t do it at my cousins wedding why would she do it at mine? AITA?
Edit: I didn’t mention it in the post but as many comments have called out, we are not allowed to bring in outside alcohol to the venue. Our venue must provide and serve all alcohol during the wedding. When she asked if they could bring their own wine I just said the venue wouldn’t allow it, I didn’t explain the legality around it though.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Doktor_Seagull
NTA. Why does she want to make a scene by showing up to a "classy" venue with a cooler? Give her the venue's details and tell her to call them up and order her own bottles off their wine list.
I am sure they will be happy to oblige her at $80 a bottle. At that price I am sure her friends will be satisfied, and your step mom won't be lugging a cooler like she's off to a beer garden party.....
The OP responded here:
DumplingBandit
I love this suggestion, thank you!
DumbMassDebater
But pre-emptively call the venue and warn them it's on her dime, not yours, and make sure they are aware she cannot modify your BS at all.
NotCreativeAtAll16
NTA. For many venues, this would be violating the contract you signed to allow outside alcohol. Also, no is a complete sentence.
BuyExpert8479
NTA. She wants to bring a cooler haha. She is trash.
The OP again responded:
DumplingBandit
What kills me is that she is a very WASPy and “classy” lady in all other aspects, I have no idea where this came from!
DiTrastevere
Hilariously, this is incredibly typical Chardonnay-drinker behavior. Chardonnay customers (especially the wealthier ones) are super picky, and tend to latch onto particular brands/winemakers much harder than your average wine drinker.
Will throw a fit if you’re out of Rombauer (or whatever Chardonnay they typically buy by the case). The only customers who are more brand-loyal are the senior citizens who have been buying the same Barefoot Moscato for 30+ years. Chardonnay people are built different.
LilacPoohBear
My stepmom tried to do this and create a "their friends only" wine behind the bar deal at my wedding. Big no. All guests were the same at my wedding and nobody was going to be a special princess. Tell your stepmom "no!"
Ok_Expression7723
Some venues will allow you to bring a special bottle of wine but they charge a corkage fee and they have to be involved and know about the wine in advance. Some venues don’t allow outside alcohol at all, it could threaten their liquor license, and they could kick people out or potentially cancel the entire event. Read your contract.
I’ve never heard of a venue that would refuse to add on some bottles of wine for a particular table. Just arrange it ahead of time, and arrange for payment of that wine. Make sure the event planner is on top of that issue.
Own_Lack_4526
Oh dear lord NTA. If they don't like the wine they can drink something else. or, if they want something else, they can volunteer to pick up the bar tab for the entire wedding. Sheesh, OP!
mvbighead
$65,000 for the wedding and only doing two $80 bottles? So now it is $65,160? I'm sorta going with ESH. Just buy ten bottles of the good stuff and make it go away. If this was a $10k shindig I could see discomfort with that extra expense, but $80 per bottle against $65,000 is not even a percent. You can afford $65k but not $320 or $480 or whatever it takes to make this go away.