'AITA for telling my Thanksgiving houseguest to stay in their role?'

"AITA for telling my Thanksgiving houseguest to stay in their role?"

Every year for the holidays my cousin comes to stay with me for a week. Three years ago she began dating this woman who I will call Peggy. This Thanksgiving will count Peggy being an extended stay guest in my home maybe five times. They are here this week for Thanksgiving.

Each time Peggy stays at my house she is pleasant and usually brings a gift but she does the following things that annoy me to no end:

1) She thinks she is being helpful but rearranges my kitchen. When she leaves I can't find anything.

2) I own a lot of expensive modern cook gadgets that Peggy doesn't understand but will try to use them and break them. I have asked her multiple times not to use anything without asking. She does it anyway. The last thing Peggy broke, I made my cousin pay me for it.

3) Peggy will do laundry of my things that she thinks are dirty. She has washed items of mine that should be dry cleaned. Thankfully I caught her before she put my cashmere sweater in the washing machine.

4) Peggy brings her two black lab dogs with her. They urinate and mark in my home. I have to hide everything I think they may destroy. When they destroy something, Peggy will not tell me and throw it away.

5) Every time Peggy visits, I end up missing items and never find them. I think they are items her dogs soils or destroys. She does it so she will not have to pay me. I am missing a quilt that was lying on a chair. I am missing a vase.

6) Peggy takes over my refrigerator with her own food. Taking my food and shoving it in places it shouldn't be.

7) Peggy uses household items in ways they should not be used. She will take a sponge I use for dishes and wipe up her dog's urine and put it back on my sink. I am paranoid now and take away every sponge or rag so she will have to ask me.

8) Peggy is from El Salvador and says my food is not spicy enough. While I'm cooking she will bring out her own spices and put them in food in the oven or stovetop without asking.

Today I have the dinner prepared to heat up for tonight. Peggy told me this morning that she fixed my kitchen. I went in and she rearranged my cookware. I had it all laid out to make it easy to find tonight. She gave the dog the giblets I had reserved for the gravy. She said she thought they were scraps.

I lost it and sort of went off on her. I said you are a guest in my home and I expect you to act like one. Stay out of my kitchen. Be a guest. Let me do the work. It's my home. She said she was trying to help. I said you only cause chaos when you do this. My cousin got upset with me and they just left to take a breather walk without me.

I like my cousin coming but Peggy is a lot. I am also tired of having to be vigilant with her dogs and my missing items. Tired of her coming to me with a blanket with holes in it saying "Did you know your blanket was ripped?" AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Clear-Cabinet7167 said:

WTF? Stop inviting your cousin and gf. If you don’t want to not invite them, tell them straight, if they come again, just be a guest, keep out of the kitchen and don’t touch what isn’t theirs.

jrm1102 said:

NTA - barely. It's kind of hard to be that sympathetic when you continually invite her over and don't address what bothers you. In the future, try and actually communicate before you blow up on someone.

Necessary_Bag_6844 said:

NTA that is incredibly rude. I understand that some people’s cultures are different, and fully respect that. That, however, does not mean you get to do whatever you want in someone else’s home and ignore their requests for you to stop unwanted behavior.

You had every right to go off on her, as she did not listen to anything you told her prior. That certainly wouldn’t be ok in a rental or hotel, I don’t understand why she feels like it is in someone else’s home.

Administrative-Ad376 said:

NTA. At all. Your cousin should be taken to task for not corraling her guest - that behavior is atrocious. But 5 times? My wife would've had me nip the bud after the first occurrence. It is not unreasonable to expect people to behave themselves.

Blue_Moon_Rabbit said:

I would have banned the dogs after the first visit...probably this lady too. NTA.

different-take4u said:

NTA, when they come back from their walk, have their stuff packed and by the door.