'AITA for telling the ex of a childhood friend she's being 'over the top' about his death?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling the ex girlfriend of a childhood friend that she is being over the top about his death?"

So here’s the story: A childhood friend of mine (we will call him Sam) recently died unexpectedly. We were friends from a very young age and we eventually lost contact after we both graduated high school.

We both went to different high schools, but he ended up dating a girl (let’s call her Emily) from my high school for a couple of years. They ended up breaking it off before we all graduated and we all moved on and lost contact as mentioned before. Sam went off to the Army and Emily and I went to different colleges.

Fast forward a couple of years later, Sam ends up falling in love with a new girl and he proposes after a year or two of dating. It was a beautiful wedding and the couple seemed extremely happy, however, a couple of weeks after the wedding Sam ended up passing. It was very sudden, nobody expected it.

Now, this is where I may be an a$$hole. Emily starts posting on Facebook all about Sam. How she’s devastated, which is understandable. We all are, and she is allowed to be. She is tagging him in old photos and posts, but she typed out this super long post about how Sam has always been her “true love” and how she always thought they would get back together one day.

She even mentioned how she was jealous when he started dating his wife. This really irked me because she tagged Sam’s Facebook on this post and his wife and her family could see it! I felt it was insensitive to the wife’s situation since she is also devastated by Sam’s death.

I texted Emily and told her to take the post down. I told her that I know she is in mourning; we all are, but it it extremely insensitive/over the top to post what she did knowing well that Sam was married. She went off on me and told me this was her way of mourning. I got a couple of texts from High School friends telling me that I was an asshole for telling her to take the post down.

From what I know, Emily hasn’t talked to Sam in YEARS. She wasn’t even invited to the wedding even though they left off on a good note after their break up. AITA for texting her and telling her to take the post down?

Here is the text I sent her:

"Hi [Emily]..it’s [my name]. I know we haven’t talked in a while, and it sucks that this is what it is taking for me to reach out. I really hope you are doing okay because I know it has been hard with [Sam] passing away. I should’ve reached out to see how you were sooner, but I need to talk to you about your post on Facebook.

I know you both loved each other when we were in high school, but [Sam] was recently married less than a month ago. He moved on and I think your most recent post was a little insensitive and over the top considering [wife’s name] also has to deal with his death. I know emotions are high, but I think you should think about taking the post down because it seems a little bit insensitive to me at this point."

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

DarkDirector19 said:

NTA. That may be her way of mourning but Sam’s wife is going to be grieving a lot more than an old high school girlfriend. She should absolutely not be voicing those opinions anywhere where Sam’s family can hear them.

cucumberboots said:

NTA. People mourn in their own ways, but this reeks of attention-seeking. It is totally possible to mourn the loss of someone without making an ordeal on Facebook.

spacelincoln said:

NTA. I have zero patience for people that respond to someone else’s tragedy with “but what about meeeeee?” Especially with that “love of my life” sh!t, while his wife is dealing with this? I don’t care if this drives her to suicidal ideation, there is no excuse to hurt someone’s spouse over a high school flame.

Thehobbitgirl88 said:

Absolutely NTA. The gall of this girl. To seriously think it was okay to post something that his new bride AND new widow would be able to see? She seriously needs a world view adjustment. Plus, I read what you wrote to her. It was mature and well-written. Totally not the @$$hole.

[deleted] said:

NTA. At all. This exact thing actually happened to me (though we weren't married). My partner died unexpectedly, and one of his exes spammed FB with pictures of them together, stories about how good they were together, etc. It was like being kicked in the gut over and over. Good on you for telling her how wrong that was of her.

OP responded:

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear that. The thing I’m nervous for now is the funeral. I’m wondering if Emily will show up.

And sleeeighbells said:

NTA. She made his death entirely about her suffering & then had the nerve to tag his account knowing everyone would see it, including his wife. Should have told her to buy a journal.

She later shared this update:

I just woke up to a flood of texts from high school friends/acquaintances. Emily blocked me on Facebook and apparently wrote a whole post about how I was super insensitive to her.

She also added stories from high school from when I “disapproved” of Sam’s relationship with her and how I essentially bullied him sometimes. I’m not sure where this came from, but yes, it made me and so many other people upset. They are starting to call Emily out for being over the top and dramatic.