'AITA for telling the truth about how the bride looks?' + PICTURE OF CONTACT LENSES
"AITA for telling the truth about how the bride looks?"
StrongRecover741
I F(24) dabble in photography quite often as for a career I design clothing and model it to save costs. So when my brother Jake M(21) asked me to photograph his wedding, I of course agreed.
My brothers wife, Chelsea(22) is a very kind woman, however her stylistic choices can sometimes be a bit wild. I do not judge at all because I know innovation is part of self expression.
Chelsea showed me her wedding makeup, and she had these vibrant green contacts on. They looked extremely reptilian on her due to it not matching her undertone.
When she showed me the picture, I told her she looked lovely, but that the contacts weren't the best. She seemed a bit offended, and told me she just wanted to look "exotic like you".
I offered to find her some more natural contacts but she wouldn't relent. On her wedding day, as I took pictures, the contacts looked even worse, like a neon green light up sign. When Jake was free for a moment, I showed him a few pictures.
He called Chelsea over, and she seemed to be happy with the pictures, while Jake seemed a bit iffy. Chelsea asked what I thought, and I told her she looked stunning, but I then asked if she'd like me to edit the contrast a bit in the pictures.
She then got extremely defensive, and accused me of calling her ugly on her own wedding day. Of course that was not my intention, but I left early to prevent a scene.
Edits to answer some questions:
The bride was not being racist with the exotic comment, English is her second language, I just look unconventional. I left the wedding at 1am instead of 3, they had lots of pictures taken by me. I asked her about the edits at the wedding itself as she wanted them posted ASAP on my account and hers.
I didn't want her to receive rude comments from our relatives, my followers or anything like that, but I also didn't want her to be edited without consent. Finally, here is what the contacts looked like: Contacts.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
HowlPen
A gentle YTA. You showed her the photos, and she liked how she looked- that’s what matters in this moment. As you said, this is her form of self-expression. You’d have been better off sticking to your “I do not judge at all” claim.
You approached this as a family member and not as a wedding photographer. Can’t fault you for that, so a gentle YTA, because you are her new SIL. Your honesty was well-intended but your timing was poor. A wedding photographer would have taken the photos and not questioned the bride’s style choices.
That would be the professional approach in this scenario. Afterwards once you sent the photos over, the bride could let you know if she had concerns. If she didn’t, as a photographer, you keep your mouth shut.
Side note: As someone who does photography as a side hustle, I highly recommend not being the main photographer for relatives’ weddings. Learned this early on. They hire a professional, you have more fun, and whatever photos you take are “bonus” pictures that they are ever so grateful to receive!
Carma56
I agree with this stance, and I think a lot of people here are failing to see past the fact that the bride’s contact choice was obviously a mistake. This was all about timing, and the right time to bring this up was not on their wedding day. I used to work weddings and knew a lot of photographers— this is something they would have brought up, gently, later on while editing the photos.
The OP responded here:
StrongRecover741
hey! you are totally right, I probably should have phrased it different. I should have added this into my original post, but the reason I asked immediately is because it was a small wedding, they wanted to post pictures that night itself.
And she wanted me to post it as well due to my follower count (they are hoping to get featured in a magazine of some sort as they had a gorgeous wedding). My relatives are very harsh and I didn't want her to get hurt further, but I also didn't want to edit it without her consent.
v_a_n_d_e_l_a_y
YTA. Giving her advice pre-wedding was okay There was absolutely no reason to show them pictures or give them advice or ask about editing ON THE WEDDING DAY.
That could have been saved for post-wedding and could have been done a lot more tactfully (give them a few options of a sample photo and see if they choose the lower contrast one) Also you then left early, presumably leaving them without a photographer?
ThatInAHat
Info: wtf did she mean “exotic like you?”
The OP again responded to clarify:
StrongRecover741
To be honest, English is her second language; she didn't mean it in a weird way for sure. She said that probably due to my features being somewhat uncommon? (not trying to sound like some stuck up brat hyping myself up) I just have a different eyecolor and face shape that tends to stand out a bit?
quats555
YTA. You expressed your opinion, once. It sounds like you were mixing your personal opinion (“her stylistic choices can sometimes be a bit wild”) with your professional opinion about the contacts, which makes me a touch suspicious of your motivation here. But even so, once is fine.
But then you brought it up again on her wedding day. Again when you (unnecessarily) sought a second opinion to back yourself up. AND AGAIN when you suggested editing the photos on the same day.
It’s not your place to keep pushing your opinion on the bride. She was happy, why didn’t you want her to be? If she changes her mind later — as you suggest she might — then the photos could be edited THEN. But you needed to be right and kept pushing, and that’s where you’re YTA.