"AITA for telling my wife I don’t want anymore kids?"
Me (31M) and my wife (28F) have 3 kids together, 2 boys and 1 girl. About 1 year ago after our last child was born, we discussed if we wanted anymore kids. We both agreed on no more kids because having another child when we already have 3 children is enough for us.
Okay, so last night my wife started going on and on about wanting another baby, showing me baby Tiktok’s, and nursery photos. I reminded her about the fact that we already agreed on having no more kids.
And, even if I did want another baby it wouldn’t work out money wise because our 2 boys already play sports and we are planning on putting our little girl in a sport also. (if you know, you know sports ain’t cheap 😂😂😂)
I listened to her rant for about 20 minutes, saying how once the baby was born I wouldn't regret saying yes, and how she will refuse to have kids after a certain age if i ever asked again.
I just flat out told her, no. We agreed on what we agreed on already, and I just don't want anymore kids. And I also wouldn’t have a strong connection to the baby because I didn’t want another baby in the first place.
She got up stomping her feet upstairs and locked herself in our room. When it was time for bed she sighed every time I tried to talk to her and ignored me. I don't get it, we already agreed on not having anymore kids. Am I being a jerk or what? 🤦🏼♂️ I feel like I am.
Well damn I posted this like an hour ago, didn’t expect all the comments, but I really appreciate y'all's help and advice. I do plan on having a serious talk with her when I get home. And about the vasectomy comments, I planned on getting one after our baby girl was born & we had both decided on no more kids.
I do plan on getting one sometime soon because we are not fit for another baby, and I don't want to accidentally get her pregnant. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate all of y'all. I might update y'all if I don't forget, matter of fact I don't think I will the way my phone is blowing up from all of these comments 😂. 👍
For everyone saying my wife has a mental illness, please stop. Either you agree or disagree with me, or give some advice/insight, don’t be talking rude about my wife. 🤦🏼♂️
Okay, update. Got home from work and me and my wife had a deep conversation. It felt nice really talking to my wife on such a deep level. We decided to go on a walk around this little park near our home and it was very nice. We really opened up to each other.
Her friends were the main influence. They’re also on that trad mormon Tiktok and they convinced my wife that she should have another baby because “That's what God put her on this earth to do”. I told my wife I respect her, and being a mother may be one part of your life, and it’s meaningful, but it’s not the only thing that gives you worth or purpose.
It made me angry that her “friends” really told her thats what she was put on this earth to do, and that its her only purpose to have babies. She is a creative woman. She's funny, kind, and very intelligent. It hurt me to think that having babies is her only purpose when there is so much more about her.
Were home now eating chocolate covered almonds and popcorn while watching a funny movie. I love seeing her laugh. 😂👍 We understand each other now on a much deeper level than before.
I love my wife. And to all the comments that said we should get a dog, we might. In fact, she is now thinking about us getting a golden retriever. Thank you for all the advice.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Dude, go and get snipped asap, or soon you'll discover that her birth control magically "failed."
She's talking about it as if you're getting a new dining room set or something.
NTA; she’s letting herself be influenced by TikTok and the emotional high that comes with it, but she’s not thinking about the effect it’s gonna have on your family and your finances. Honestly, you guys need to sit down and have a conversation because if she decides to get pregnant without a serious talk, it’s gonna suck all around for all of you.
Pure_Mongoose5188 (OP)
I think that is what’s happening, there aint a second where shes not on Tiktok watching traditional wives taking care of their babies. I swear that trad wife Tiktok stuff is brainwashing. Im going to have a talk with her tonight. Maybe she can see were not fit for another baby.
You're not being a jerk. I'm gonna be honest here: when ovulation hits, a baby sounds like a phenomenal idea. The ovulation ends and I wonder what the hell I was thinking.
My advice is don't make a big deal out of it, quietly stand firm on your decision (if it helps, tell her to sit on the idea for a while and you'll come back to it), and see if the baby fever wanes. Also, if you're truly done, get the snip. It'll save you a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Are you sure she isn't already pregnant and trying to ease into the discussion? I'd make sure you take charge of your own birth control as well. NTA.
NTA. You are the voice of reason and she can't fix her mental problems by pumping out more kids. That seems to be the only way she gets her self worth. You need to get a vasectomy, otherwise she will find a way to get pregnant and then you won't have a choice.