'AITA for telling my wife I’m not as excited about the pregnancy?' 'We didn’t decide this together.'
"AITA for telling my wife I’m not as excited about the pregnancy since she stopped taking birth control without telling me?"
So, here’s the deal. My wife (31F) and I (30M) have been married for three years, and the plan was to wait a bit longer before having kids. We were enjoying our time together, focused on work, and doing the whole “travel while we can” thing. Kids were on the horizon, just not yet.
Well, a couple of months ago, she told me she was pregnant. I was surprised—happy for her, but definitely surprised. When I asked her how it happened, she confessed that she’d gone off birth control without mentioning it because she “felt ready” and thought I’d be fine with it once the baby was on the way.
To say I was caught off guard is an understatement. I get that people change their minds, but it kinda feels like the decision was made for me. I told her I’m not as excited as she is because we didn’t decide this together. I also said it felt more like her decision than ours, and now she’s upset, saying I’m acting distant and cold about the whole thing.
I love her, and I’m sure I’ll love the kid, but I feel like I didn’t get a say in something pretty major, you know? My friends are split—some say I should just get over it and be happy, others think she should’ve talked to me first. So, AITA for feeling this way?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
RevolutionaryDiet686 said:
NTA. This should have been a mutual decision. She blind sided you after the fact.
froggypops885 said:
NTA! That’s very very wrong. That’s the same level as a man removing a condom without telling. Very wrong. I’d be very upset. Why on earth did she do that? That’s not fair on you. I’m sorry.
Infinite_Hat5261 said:
NTA. Of course you’re acting distant and cold. She made a life changing decision without even discussing it with you. You were not mentally prepared for this and have been not only blindsided but dare I say it, entrapped.
This makes me wonder what else she is capable of behind your back. I would run a mile in the opposite direction. You were not a party to her deciding to have the child, so how would she be if you were to decide that you’re not going to be there for her and the baby?
phyrsis said:
NTA! Yikes, and I'd be talking divorce, personally. That's not a decision one person gets to unilaterally make.
shammy_dammy said:
Divorce. You'll never trust her again.
LukeHeart said:
NTA. That’s absolutely a deal breaker and red flag for me. Children are a huge thing and should be the decision of both parents. To me that’s divorce worthy. She completely broke your trust.
average043 said:
NTA - That is a serious choice to take from someone. I would be more than a little pissed. Your life has to change sooner than you think, and trust me, kids are a change in the bedroom get ready for that too.