'AITA for telling my wife she is not worthy of what she’s asking for as her push present?'
"AITA for telling my wife she is not worthy of what she’s asking for, as her 'push present?'"
throwra-pushpresent
My wife and I have been together for 5 years. She’s pregnant with our first right now. A few days ago, she sends me a TikTok video of a woman over one of those extremist podcasts talking about deserving some kind of a “push present”.
At first I didn’t even know what that meant. But when I looked it up, it’s basically a thank you gift to the woman who brought your child in the world. This concept is and still seems very strange to me. I understand seeking appreciation from your husband for what women go through during pregnancy and childbirth, but it’s the materialistic part that gave me the ick.
The woman on the TikTok went on and on about how it’s a “body for a body” which meant the man would have to get a permanent tattoo on his lower body, give her a house and a car as a gift exclusively to her.
I felt that those expectations are very entitled, honestly a little vindictive, envious (permanent tattoo part) and very over the top for my taste. The decision to bring a child in the world is both partner’s decision. My wife in our case is not forced to be a mom or be pregnant, as she wants to be a parent too.
I simply replied to the tiktok with laughing emojis and moved on, thinking it was the end of it and probably thought she meant to send that tiktok as a satire, like: “oh look how dumb this woman is, thinking she deserves all that”.
She was in the other room when I reacted to the video, so she comes to me and tells me that she doesn’t expect a tattoo and a house exclusively for her, but she wants me to dip into my personal savings to get her a car exclusively for her. I looked at her, almost shocked and began laughing. I thought my wife and I had similar views on how extremist people can be, and I was wrong.
I thought she was joking, and I pressed her if she was actually serious, she got very annoyed that I thought she was joking and probably imitating the entitled woman on the reel and she flatly said that she expects a real push present.
I said that her gift is the gift of parenthood and the realised outcome of a healthy baby. And materially speaking, I’ll probably gift her a Mother’s Day card, a day out or some jewellery she wants (total under 700 dollars), but nothing more. I said if she really wants an extra car, it’ll be “OUR” car, not just hers.
She pressed more and said how it isn’t enough for what she will go through. She kept pushing and pushing and asked me if I think she’s not worthy enough. I told her she is worthy as my partner and the mother of my child, but she has to be realistic and realise that none of us, individually speaking, is worthy of what she’s asking for.
That she has to manage her expectations because I don’t see why she feels she deserves that. It came out wrong but I didn’t mean to dismiss her as a person. She isn’t speaking to me and is crying arguing about it.
I heard her criticising me to her sister on the phone but under no circumstances would I ever considering gifting HER a car. I feel bad she is hurting right now but I don’t feel bad for giving her a reality check.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
cnew111
Damn I was thinking some roses or maybe necklace with baby’s birthstone.
sea-bees
Both of my “push presents” were pendants with the kids birth stones and I didn’t even ask for it (though they are very much cherished). The world is becoming weird with all of these excessive expectations.
ericfromct
Social media is doing great things for consumerism. If OPs wife had never seen that video I guarantee it would never have been thought in her mind.
Puzzleheaded-Score58
My push present was sushi right after the little one was born. I really wanted sushi the whole time I was pregnant and couldn’t have any. I was jonesing for some.
ets-B-Lets-B-Jolly
I had hyperemesis gravidarium that went away almost instantly. My push present was my husband getting me a bag of Arby's beef and cheddar sandwiches and sneaking it into the hospital after visiting hours. I was starving and cried while I ate it!
g00berCat
NTA. Influencers are literally ruining people. My present after successful deliveries was my husband knowing that he's a rotten cook, so he bought groceries and enlisted our loved ones to fill our freezer with heat and eat meals.
He also chopped ingredients for them and cleaned up their kitchens. He started this project about a month before the due date of our firstborn, skipping his gym time so that it was a very sweet surprise.
a-mullins214
Nta, I'm pregnant, and my husband is going to gift me birthstone jewelery, and I'm gifting him a watch with an engraving. Those tiktok videos absolutely wreck relationships. My sil at one point almost left my bil because he wouldn't make her a "boo basket" for Halloween. Idk why women follow relationship advice from tiktok.
SexyGrimmy
NTA. The concept of giving a gift to the mother after labor doesn't shock me tbh, just a small gesture to show appreciation and make momma feel good and a bit better after the ordeal!
But it depends on the couple and financial conditions ( flowers, jewelry, other gifts etc.. Pricing varies depending on your confort) . But asking for a house, car and tattoo (wtf?) Is extreme and unless you're nasty rich, it's unreasonable.