'AITA for telling my wife she needs to step it up as a mom for our six month old.'
"AITA for telling my wife she needs to step it up as a mom for our six month old."
Deep_Independence703
Throw away account here. I know the title sounds bad but let me explain. This is going to be a long post. About six months ago my wife gave birth to our beautiful baby girl and it was one of the best moments in our lives.
My wife was on maternity leave for about three months and then went back into work. She was actually supposed to be on maternity leave for a month longer, but decided to go back to work early.
This information is important later. My wife and I both work full-time jobs and currently right now we have a family member who is babysitting her every day. (This is during the time when my wife was at home full-time on maternity leave)
I noticed after the first month or so that my wife’s sister would come over a lot to help her. I didn’t think much of it as I’m sure it was nice to have some help when I wasn’t there.
Her sister would initially come over maybe once or twice a week, but that radically changed into every single day. Sometimes I would get home and my wife’s sister would still be there helping her with the baby. I gently asked if everything was okay to which my wife dismissed as her just needing help.
My wife’s sister on the other hand, pulled me to the side one time and told me that my wife was having a hard time being around the baby, especially when she needs a diaper change, was throwing up and all the other little messy things babies do. I brushed it off as something that she would get over. (This is about three months after my wife gave birth)
My wife decides she wants to go back to work a month early. And since then, we’ve both been working full-time with the babysitter coming four days a week. This is where I start noticing more about my wife’s behavior towards our baby. The few times my wife has changed our daughters diaper, I could hear her gagging…
My wife is a highly sensitive person and get grossed out easily. She hates when people chew with their mouths open. She can’t look at anything remotely unsettling before a meal or she’ll lose her appetite. We don’t own any pets because she thinks animals are gross, etc.
These are all things that I didn’t think too much about as everyone has different sensitivity levels. And I thought she knew what she was getting herself into when we both agreed that we wanted kids. Kids are messy and gross sometimes and I thought she could handle it.
She then started asking me to change our daughters diaper every single time. When my daughter throws up, she expects me to clean it up, every single time. Even now when our daughter is crying, she almost ignores her and side glances to me that I should deal with it.
I have no problem doing these things, but when I ask her why she can’t do it she says things like poop grosses her out because she doesn’t like the smell or the sight of seeing it.
This has a really started to affect me because our daughter usually wakes up around 3 AM for a diaper change and I am expected every morning to get up and change her when it should be a switch off every other night. It’s really starting to affect my work.
So a couple nights ago when she woke me up to tell me to change our daughters diaper, it was around 4 AM and I snapped and told her that she needs to step it up as a parent and a mom and help me do these things as I can’t always be the one to do them every single time.
I told her that I thought it was weird and immature that she couldn’t do the simplest things like changing a diaper. She obviously didn’t like that and she’s been giving me cold shoulder since then. How should I approach the situation and am I the AH here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
StrangledInMoonlight
Get a box of surgical masks and some Vicks. Put som Vicks on the inside of a mask. And set it out where it’s away from the baby’s reach but easy to grab and try that. She can probably use the one mask a couple times before the Vicks wears off.
sageberrytree
I appreciate that you’re trying to give Opie some suggestions here, however, this is a woman who won’t even comfort her crying child. That apparently even tears and displays of emotions are more than she is willing to deal with. I think the problems is a little deeper than Vicks and a mask are going to help.
kattygirl71
Is your wife holding, kissing, and being affectionate with the baby? If not, it could be a detachment disorder or postpartum depression ON TOP OF her sensory issues with sounds and smells. This is a problem. Please watch her around the baby. if you see no attachment you need to make some decisions....
Revolutionary-Bus893
I think she needs therapy. Kids are gross. It's not really going to get better for a long time. She needs to find ways to desensitize herself.
Open-Incident-3601
Is she holding, feeding, interacting, bonding with baby other than changing time?
The OP responded here:
Deep_Independence703
Our baby is mostly bottle fed because both of us work. The interacting and holding is pretty 50-50 between the both of us.
TheRadiumGirl
ESH. You suck for not realizing your wife was struggling since the beginning and trying to talk to her about it instead of assuming she would get over it. She sucks for having a kid when clearly her sensory issues are way too debilitating that even pets (which are less work) were too disgusting for her. The way things are currently going, I don't see a great outcome for this child.