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'AITA for telling my wife to stop playing Roblox?' 'Do your duties as a parent.' UPDATED

'AITA for telling my wife to stop playing Roblox?' 'Do your duties as a parent.' UPDATED

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"AITA for telling my wife to stop playing Roblox and do her duties as a parent?"

My (37F) wife and I (36M) have always tried to keep the housework pretty evenly split between us. I, for example, mow the lawn, and do laundry and dishes, and she meal plans, cooks, and picks up/drops off the kids. Lately, this has all changed because she has become addicted to a game called Dress to Impress on Roblox.

If you aren't familiar, it's a game where you have to dress your character in a themed outfit before the time runs out, and the other players rate it from 1 to 5 stars. It started off harmless, just a fun thing she would do during downtime before bed, but recently she has missed crucial appointments and chores because of this game.

I tried to be understanding and gently remind her to do her tasks but she would always say she "forgot" or "got distracted." The big argument happened last night when she forgot to pick up our 9 year old son from basketball practice, which ended at 6:00. I hadn't gotten home yet as I had to work late, and our son doesn't have a phone, so I had no way of knowing the situation.

I eventually got home around 7:00 and realized he was not in his room. I looked around further and saw that he was nowhere to be found. I walked into our bedroom, confused, to ask my wife where he was and found her on her iPad playing the game as always.

When I asked her where our son was, her eyes grew wide and I knew what happened without her having to say. I immediately got back into my car and went to pick him up, luckily, his coach had stayed after to make sure he was picked up safe and I apologized profusely. Apparently, he had been calling and texting my wife, who was the emergency contact, and she didn't even notice.

When we got home I immediately blew up at her. How could she be so addicted to a kids game that she completely forgot our son? Now, she's telling me it was a one time thing and that I'm an ahole for getting angry.

I don't know what to think, I do kind of understand her side of the story as it has only happened one time, but she has to be a responsible parent. She can't just completely forget about our child who has no way to get home on his own! So, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ParsimoniousSalad said:

NTA. This isn't a "chore" she's blowing off, this is forgetting your own child. How could she not even notice the calls and texts from the coach? That's what I'm wondering about? Is something else going on with her?

ReviewOk929 said:

NTA - We all make mistakes, even with our children but her pattern of behaviour means you were 100% correct to call it out. Hopefully she sees this incident as a wake up call. Helping and supporting her are really important, she made a mistake, don’t make another one by holding it over her head.

Wise_Date_5357 said:

NTA. This sounds like when I hyperfocus with my adhd. She should get checked out for anything else going on with her psychologically if this game has become a need instead of a want.

superfiud said:

NTA, but I have questions: Does your wife work? What time does she get home? How does your kid get home when he doesn't have practice? How many kids do you have? Who normally makes dinner and when do you all eat? I'm struggling to understand how this could happen.

PinkFlamingo429 said:

NTA. For what it’s worth, I also spend unusual time playing that dang game, it is addictive and my husband has his jokes about it, I am also a mom (I play with my kids but also play alone to help them level up). I still do my share of housework and could never forget my child though wtf is that even? Is she okay in general, does she have a life outside of her role of wife and mom?

Klutzy_Object_3622 said:

NTA. Once a “hobby” starts interfering with your responsibilities, that’s a full blown addiction. Forgetting your child over a video game is not acceptable and her dismissal of the infraction is even more cause for concern.

UPDATE:

Hi everyone, thank you for all your advice on my previous post. So, I decided to have a conversation with my wife the day after I made the post about the time spent on video games. We talked for awhile and I tried to bring up important things people talked about in the comments. I saw a lot of people suggesting that I completely block and delete Roblox from her devices, and I brought that up.

Obviously, she didn't take that well. I told her it's completely unacceptable what she has been doing and there needs to be at least a time limit set on her device. I can't control her, but I made it clear it's a very important thing to me and it would damage our relationship if she said no. After I said this she agreed to the time limits.

Another thing I saw a lot in the comments was concern for my wife's mental heath. I appreciate people's insight into this because it's something I don't really have a lot of experience in. I asked her if she would consider seeing a therapist and she said she would think about it.

People were also concerned about how my son is feeling after all this. I didn't realize that it was something that may have an impact on him. I had a conversation with him and made sure he understood his mom and I love and care for him and that nothing like this would ever happen again.

I also have ordered him a cheap flip phone so he wouldn't be completely stranded alone if these events did end up repeating. If there's anything I should do or could do differently regarding my son please let me know because I don't exactly know how to navigate this situation.

I don't want to be too harsh on my wife. We love each other and it's been made more clear after our talk that this should not be marriage ending or cause any lasting damage. If anyone has any further advice or thoughts I will be happy to read it, thank you.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

skippyspk said:

Get a lawyer and get your documents and financial information in order YESTERDAY. It sounds like your wife is dismissive of your concerns about her addiction.l despite the damage it’s done to your son and your relationship.

If you stay with her, well enjoy having to cover for her and do 100% of the household duties on top of working full time. The flip phone is a great idea but it looks like a band-aid for a massive wound.

excel_pager_420 said:

If she forgot to pick up your son because she was drinking, it would be a clear (I hope) that she's addicted and prioritizing her alcoholism. Especially if you asked your wife to stop drinking and she refused but promised to restrict her drinking to within certain time limits.

The same is happening here and you're quite relaxed about it. If your wife refuses to accept she has a gaming addiction, then the next best step would be to ask her to get a job. That would probably improve her mental health and force her to be away from her games.

No-Sea1173 said:

From my experience it can be hard to quit an addictive behaviour like this, so she needs to be really committed and willing to try and fail quite a few times before really getting into a new groove. I personally can't just do something addictive a little bit, or have timers, I just have to quit it altogether before the compulsion/ obsession disappears.

The other things to watch for is switching - so she drops the Roblox but starts playing candy crush, or drinking etc. If you're looking for some more information on addiction Gabor mate is a good beginning, and his addiction was classical music rather than a substance.

Another resource you might like is Johan hari stolen focus - how big tech deliberately designs software devices etc to be dopamine driven and addictive. If you guys can stick with it, and persist in pushing through the other side what she might experience is a period of boredom/frustration/irritability then gradually start to feel more normal and enjoy life again. Hope you all do well.

Parafairy said:

Sounds like severe dissociation. Hope she does get therapy

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