'AITA for telling my wife that my living mom is more important than her dead dad?'

"AITA for telling my wife that my living mom is more important than her dead dad?"

Got married in Feb 2022. Together since 2019. 32M & 33F. Her dad died a decade ago. Her family has a tradition of visiting the graves of loved ones on their death anniversary.

I've been following & respecting this tradition since marriage. My mom lives nearby. Currently, mom has got fever and she's alone, as my dad has gone out on a long trip and it's not possible for him to come within 3-4 days as he's far away. (Mom was fine when dad left for the travel, so don't target my dad).

As she's 60+ with old age weakness, I don't wanna take any chances. So, I've decided to bring her at my house while proposing wife to get to her dad's grave without me. The thing is, it takes about 2 days to return after her dad's grave visit.

But wife is not understanding and saying that it's a "mild" fever, my mom will be fine and I should go. But I'm being firm too, mom is a senior citizen and dad is not here as well. I'm a single child. So I told her that I won't be coming and it's my last decision, doesn't matter if she tries asking 100 times.

Wife got miffed and said that it's her dad's day and my mom's fever is nothing significant if "compared." I don't remember her exact words, but she said almost similar like this. I was too fed up at this point and told her that my living mom is more imp. then her dead dad. She's super angry and left alone. Not calling/texting or anything. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

dambt2152 said:

Nta: living come before the dead. Take care of your mom.

Accomplished_Trick50 said:

I never understand why people cannot be their own person. Why do some insist on being to codependent and attached at the hip. You have went years and years and its not like you are staying behind to watch a game or go to a party. NTA all day and tell the wife to grow up.

Nadia0x said:

NTA. She’s being unreasonable, obviously a living person who is currently sick is more important than someone who died a decade ago.

EquivalentBend9835 said:

NTA- I’m curious. What if her mother was in the hospital on the anniversary of her father’s passing, would she leave her there (alone) to go to the grave? The living have priority over the dead.

Straight-Example9126 said:

NTA. If it were her father who had a fever now, she wouldn't leave him alone and go anywhere. A living but ailing parent takes precedence over one that has been buried over a period of time.

book_worm9191 said:

NTA - I know people grieve in different ways, but the living need to have priority. And besides all that, there is no way I would be visiting someone’s grave every year like that. There are far better ways to remember someone. My dad loved Chinese food, so in his birthday we remembered him by having a meal of Chinese take away. It’s the little things that are important.