'AITA for telling my wife to tell her mom to move out of our home after she decided to leave all inheritance to her brother?'
"AITA for telling my wife to tell her mom to move out of our home after she decided to leave all inheritance to her brother?"
Me 32. Wife 30. Brother/brother in law 27. MIL late 50s. My FIL recently passed and left a very sizable life insurance policy to his son and wife (MIL), my wife received nothing.
We understood this because her brother (27) is not the brightest and still lives at home, he never goes out and only goes to work, and back home to play video games all day. They both recently moved into our home as they were too distraught to continue living in the home my FiL passed in.
My FIL was truly the only adult in the home and was responsible for taking care of everything. He even drove my MIL to and from work on a daily basis, a responsibility that has now been passed onto my wife.
I have since taken over the estate planning, such as paying bills, swapping over polices, etc. My MIL doesn’t speak English and doesn’t drive, so as family it was my pleasure to take on this responsibility.
After a month and a half I finally settled all the bills/funeral planning/etc and all the heavy lifting a complete. I do not say it lightly, but without me, the family would be lost on what to do. For example, they did not even know where he worked, and were surprised to find out he even had a life insurance policy.
Both do not have any retirement plans or savings. I suggested a shared bank account for my wife and her mom to put the payout into, where it will accrue interest but also to pay off bills every month (mil had no bank account before).
It was at this point MIL says she would rather not have her daughter on the account and wants to give her portion of the payout to her son and have him set up with a savings account.
She says this because since me and my wife have a home, that it would be better used on her brother. We do have a home, but we are by no means rich, in fact, them moving in would help us out financially as there would be extra income from them paying rent.
I expressed to my wife that leaving everything to him would be incredibly irresponsible because then he will be left the family home and the payout, but mainly because he cannot do anything for himself and can not be trusted with the money.
I say this because of things I have learned about him, he does not have a drivers license but drives a car to and from work, never helped with the estate, and something I learned was that he has a large amount of cash in his checking account.
He has never had a girlfriend and since the known him has shown no signs of ever wanting to move out. The large bank balance worried me because when I asked him about this, he told me he just had no idea what to do with it and has no concept of retirement planning, since his parents took care of all the bills, and all he did was pay some of the mortgage, go to work, and then go home to play video games.
My wife was also there when her mom had breast cancer and took her to and from every single appointment, to the point of using all her vacation/sick days to help during this time. Her brother is not a bad guy, in fact he is a great friend. But he just doesn’t ever seem like he will grow up to be a responsible person.
I told my wife that after agreeing to take them in and have them live with us, that it would be a slap in the face to be left nothing, so I told her that her mother and brother should move back to their home, and use the money from the payout to help them live with the absence of my FIL.
She was then furious with me and said all I care about is money, even though I feel that this is not so much about money, but that there is a complete lack of respect with being shown nothing for all the help we have and will be giving. So, AITA?
Edit: I would like to add that their plan for their family home would be to rent it out, they purchased it before interested rates went up a few years back and would be set to make 1k cash profit every month from it.
2nd edit: a lot of people are asking so I’ll clear it up. We didn’t even know about any life insurance policy when we took them in, it was only after very extensive digging through his records that I found out there was such a policy.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, OP you do realize that MILs retirement plan probably will be your wife and you taking care of her?
Don’t forget they will also be expected to provide care for the brother for the rest of his life. Perhaps he at least can be guided towards independence? OP and wife need to talk things out so they can present a united front to MIL if OP wants anything to change. A family therapist may be able to help them communicate since it sounds like they want what’s best for everyone.
NTA. It is your house too, MIL should get the boot.
NTA. But I read this through a unique opened and there may be layers here that complicate things. When you say BIL is “not bright” are you referring to a cognitive disability?
If one adult child has a disability - it could be a valid reason not to split assets 50/50. That said, it would be important to establish a trust and do it appropriately so that BIL is not able to squander his security.
Old-Memory1603 (OP)
I would say he is not bright in a sense that he is still living as if he were a teenager. He has no concept of paying bills, and money does not seem important to him as he was always taken care of by his parents.
All he had worried about in his adult life were paying his share of the mortgage, and which new ps5 game to get. I would go as far to say that he may be autistic. Truly, this entire month and a half I’ve only ever seen him when he goes to the kitchen for food, and going to and from work.
And when MIL goes guess where whatever she owned goes. And who will be sorting that out. I would say, forget that nonsense. MIL can rely on her golden child who’s getting everything. Otherwise you’re on the hook for years of insanity and costs for nothing.