'AITA for terminating my lease early because my friends intentionally excluded me from a trip?'

"AITA for terminating my lease early because my friends intentionally excluded me from a trip?"

I (21f) am roommates with 3 other girls. Me and these girls are part of a bigger friend group, with the other 5 girls living another apartment. We are all seniors at the same college. TBH I am not 'besties' with anyone in the group.

The girl who originally brought me in ended up breaking into my dorm to steal my meds and even though none of us are friends with her anymore they kept me around. As such, I am invited to bigger events like trips, events/outings, and the main group chat, but if I want to be included in other things I either have to make the plans or invite myself along.

At the beginning of the school year there were talks about doing a trip in the first week of winter break that I said I was interested in, but it unfortunately fizzled out. At least that's what I thought. I planned to go home on the 11th but stayed a few extra days to work on finals. On the 12th I woke up to an empty house, even though they said they weren’t leaving until later.

I checked their locations and saw all 9 of them were in the Berkshires and realized that the trip had actually happened, just without me.

I sent a long text to the group chat saying that while I understand I’m not the closest with them, but it hurts to be treated like an outsider and intentionally kept in the dark, and while they might not see me as a close friend, I'm still a person and deserve to be treated with the same respect that they treat each other.

I got a ton of texts from them the next day. Most of them were giving some sort of excuse like "we thought you were busy with finals/didn't want to come," some apologized and said they didn't tell me because they didn't want me to be mad.

I basically sent everyone the same text saying that what they did was too thought out and long term for an apology to be worth anything, and that I refuse to believe every single one of them are stupid enough genuinely think for me, and that even if they did, then why would they intentionally keep it a secret?

The next day I contacted my landlord asking how much it would be to break the lease. I honestly couldn't imagine going back to that house and living with people who didn't want me around that much and saw me with so little respect.

Luckily the amount was low enough that my parents (who are paying my rent as they are angels) agreed to it and I can commute to school via public transport. I texted my roommates of my plans- they will have one month to find another roommate or they will have to pay my share- and left all the group chats.

Since then I have gotten a ton of angry texts that I am screwing them over financially (even though like me, their parents are paying their rent), that I shouldn't have brought financial/housing stuff into personal drama, and that I am being a petty bitch. I am now wondering if I have actually taken what is a personal matter too far by making choices that could affect them financially. So AITA?

Quick edit: the 1 month thing is the landlord's policy, not mine. I agree it is very short but we live in an area with a lot of students so housing can be like musical chairs.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Whiskeyinthewoods wrote:

It’s a crappy situation and I don’t blame you for not wanting to go back to living in that apartment, but gently ESH. Lots of missing reasons here. If this group isn’t spontaneously inviting you along, you really shouldn’t keep inviting yourself. We saw a post from someone on the other side of this recently who didn’t click with their roommate who tended to dominate conversations.

If these friends aren’t intentionally inviting you, just failing to say no when you invite yourself and dropping gentle hints, you need to read the room and just… stop inviting yourself. Plenty of people don’t click for whatever reason and it doesn’t make them good or bad people , just incompatible ones.

Only you can know the truth here, but I think you should do some self reflection about why they felt the need to go to such lengths to have a trip without you. The fact that it’s so many people and not just an intimate one or two trip indicates that you might be a lot to handle, even diluted in a large group.

Try to see your behaviors and attitudes from an outside perspective and be honest with yourself about why this is. They could just be total assholes, but without more information, so could you. That said, I wouldn’t want to move back in after that, so breaking the lease is a sane option. Just try to attract better friends, and be a better friend yourself in the future.

OP responded:

I’m trying to figure this out myself tbh- it’s hard to tell when I’m invited to some things and not others. I’m directly invited over for some things like movie nights, parties, and meals even when it’s not the whole group (usually by the same few people) but I’ve noticed when certain people are in attendance I’m not invited.

And by “inviting myself” I mean I’m often not first included in conception of plans but then I’ll be around while they talk about it and they’ll invite me along, but maybe I missed some hidden meaning/etiquette standard here?

Zannie0 wrote:

NTA, but for your own sanity, don't expect roommates to always be your friend. When I was in school, my favorite roommates were the ones who were never there! LOL. I also tried being roommates with one of my best friends, and we weren't a good match. Different hygiene habits. Living together can ruin friendships as well.

So when you move out of your parents' house in the future, either get a place of your own, or think of it differently. Expecting roommates to be your friend group as well can be too much pressure.

Idiot_Parfait wrote:

NTA. In my opinion, you’re allowed to leave your lease whenever you want, that’s free will. You even had extra incentive knowing your roommates didn’t really want you around. Seems like you’re doing them a favor and saving yourself drama in the future anyway.

Huhwellinever wrote:

You’re not friends. You share living and housing costs. They’re being hypocrites who thought they could mean girl you and still have a silent partner paying 25% of the rent. Nahhhhh hell outta here with that nonsense. I’m so proud of you, I wish I had had that kind of shiny spine at your age. It’ll serve you well.

They knew what they were doing, they just didn’t think there would be consequences and they expected you to just quietly take the disrespect and exclusion and maybe beg a little or try a little harder to be included. Screw that. NTA.