'AITA for a text I sent in a group chat while in labor?' 'I shouldn't have been texting.'

"AITA for a text I sent in a group chat while in labor?"

Let's jump into this: I (29F) gave birth to my 3rd baby in November. The women in my husband's family (his 2 sisters, our sil, and his mom) and I have a group chat whereas we send pictures of our kids, tell funny stories about our day, and, in this case, send updates about possible labor.

On this particular day in November, at 37 weeks plus 5 days gestation, I reached out to inform that this just might be the day my newest baby decides to make his grand entrance. I had been having strong contractions since 5:50 that morning. Everyone, except sil (my husband's brother's wife) responded with excitement and praying hands emojis.

Well, according to the nurses at the hospital, I wasn't dilated enough to be admitted, despite strong and frequent contractions. This was at noon. I updated the chat. Everyone seemed concerned and asked if I still thought if it might still be that day. I assured it was most likely going to happen that day, judging from past experiences, but I would go home to labor in comfort. This is where I might be the a-hole.

My sil, who also gave birth to her 3rd baby a couple months prior (via c-section. I am not judging nor think of her as less than, just context is key) decided to text how glad she was that I wasn't in "real labor" and that it's better that I wait to have the baby another couple of weeks.

She then sent a bunch of screen shots and links to articles about false labor and Braxton hicks. AS IF I HAD NEVER GIVEN BIRTH BEFORE OR EXPERIENCED PREGNANCY BEFORE. I replied, mid contraction: "Not to be bity, but this ain't my first rodeo, and I know how to Google things as well.

And yes, I have been checked, and they will check again before deciding IF I should go home or not." Well, I did go home, only to go back to the hospital a couple of hours later and had my baby at 10:15 that night.

Sil does not reply to me in texts, and has since unfriended me on Facebook. (Not that I really care about that.) I just want to know it I was an a-hole for what I said...and, in hindsight, perhaps I shouldn't have been texting in the groupchat while in labor. So, was I an a-hole?

EDIT:

I meant to elaborate on the c-section detail. Which definitely makes me come across as someone who looks down on her for it. Which I do not. Her first baby was a preemie and she had an emergency c-section. Her youngest 2 were scheduled. The point I was trying to make was that our experiences with pregnancy and childbirth are completely different. Which, I could have said without the c-section fact. My apologies.

A little more info about my sil and my relationship: She thinks she's the matriarch of the family, even if she won't admit it. We recently moved out of state (only 2 hours away, long drive, but not as long as they treat it), a few months before I gave birth, and she started cutting us out of family get together and even created a whole new group chat without my husband and me.

She is always shocked at how intelligent my husband is because he went to community college instead of a university, like she did. I didn't go to college. I saw no point in going into debt, I didn't know what I would go to college for, so I decided to wait. So she often treats me like I am unintelligent.

I think the snappy text was probably long incoming. But it was poorly timed and shouldn't have been in a group chat. It was not the first time I had gone off on her in a group chat either. She singled me out a few months prior, questioning my ability to care for my kids by myself while my husband was away for a couple of days.

Yes, in the big family group chat. So I snapped back. My husband saw the message before me and said "I'll let you handle her." As he held me back many times beforehand to keep peace. Like I said, it was possibly poorly timed but long incoming.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Bubbly-Book0919 said:

As someone who gave birth: NTA. Your in labor, that give you a bit of grace. As someone whose body doesn’t like to dilate, I know what it’s like to go and get sent home. You get told to go home and walk around. It’s safe to do as long as your baby hasn’t been broken the sac.

Both of mine ended up and I ended up back in the hospital a bit more dilated and a bit wet. They hooked me up with an iv and a increasing amount of pitocen until 24 hours after the water broke or the baby was making their grand entrance.

Altruistic-Bunny said:

This is really not about pregnancy and labor, it is a "know-it-all" giving unsolicited advice on something they really do not know. Then getting butt-hurt when you push back. Does this SIL need to always be seen as the expert, most knowledgeable? NTA.

lihzee said:

That seems really unnecessary when she was just trying to be helpful. I think YTA here. You sound pretty condescending in general, and I don't know why you brought up SIL's c-section other than to make her seem "less-than," despite your claims otherwise.

montwhisky said:

ESH. You took her comments the worst way possible (not sure why you brought up her c section), and she should have been more careful what she said to a mom in labor. I honestly don't know why you were offended by what she said.

Sounds like she was trying to be positive even if she was wrong. Honestly, moms are the most judgmental people toward other moms, and you all just need to chill.

Positive-Reserve-910 said:

NTA, her text mentioning it's better "to wait a couple weeks" as if you had a choice while in active labor with baby #3. She comes off as judgemental of you.

NonaYerBiz said:

NTA - Does she usually respond with facts when discussing things? If so, she's probably factual-oriented (or spends too much time debating & debunking on FB and gets carried away!).

Possibly, your sil meant well, but it looks like a communication snafu, which is common with texts. Give her a call and let her know you appreciate her concern and that both of you may have misunderstood the other's comments and invite her to visit if you're up for it. It's a silly thing to have a falling out over.

raycheality said:

ESH but definitely more you. She didn't need to give unsolicited advice, especially as she's not a medical professional. Your response was over the top, though. Also, you mention that she had her kid via C-section and then say you're not judging... but it's definitely not relevant in this story at all.

C-sections have no bearing on Braxton Hicks or false labor. So it seems like you are in fact judging your SIL for having a C-section, which is def an AH thing to do.