'AITA for texting from my GF's phone after finding some suspicious texts?' MAJOR UPDATE
"AITA for texting from my GF's phone?"
My girlfriend was doing some time-sensitive work on her computer and asked me to go through her photo gallery on her phone and send her some images. As I was going through the photos she got a text from someone that said:
Love you princess! Good night ❤️I understandably got freaked out and started looking at the text history, I didn't need to read a lot before seeing red.
My girlfriend has been chatting with this person regularly, mainly about her day, he keeps calling her
'baby'and'princess'and sending her'lots of love'and'hugs and kisses.'
I feel shocked, I thought I had a great relationship with my GF. I looked at the name again, and suddenly remembered my GF had mumbled it and something about chocolate in her sleep the other night.
I could see this had been going on for a while, and I got really angry so I sent a message to the guy about how he was scum for calling somebody else's GF baby, and then I deleted the messages and blocked the number. This was an hour ago. I don't feel like I went too far, but now that I've cooled down, I've been wondering and wanting some outside perspective.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
cup-of-cheesecake wrote:
YTA. Are you sure it’s a guy? Even if it was, you should have talked to her about it instead of texting back.
OkTop9308 responded:
It kind of sounds like the texts I send my daughter who is 26. “Princess” would a love interest call a woman princess? I don’t think so.
FlyinDuke wrote:
YTA for doing not what she asked, but for just assuming the worst without talking to her and causing a problem where one might not exist.
KnavishLagorchestes wrote:
LOL waiting for the follow up where he finds out it was actually the girl's mum.
Oh, and YTA.
Rowanever wrote:
YES. YTA. FFS. Stop acting as though your girlfriend is a piece of property and talk to the other human being in your relationship.
Here's where you went wrong:
Texting the other person, especially from your GF's phone.
Ab**ing the other person rather than talking to the person you think is cheating on you.
Blocking the other person on her phone (hint: you aren't supposed to control the people you love).
Deleting the messages to hide your trail of badly thought-out destructiveness and toxicity.
BTW, you realise that whether or not you talk to her about this, your actions are going to blow up in your face, right? It's not like the other person is going to have zero other ways to contact her, and they're going to tell her. Bonus AH points, though, if it turns out to be a family member.
religiouslydecaf wrote:
Do you not think it's odd that she would ask you to get on her phone if she's having an affair? I mean, this is definitely weird, but you need to talk to her. She could be cheating and trying to get caught, she could be dumb--or this could be something else entirely. If it's the latter, you're going to get dumped anyway for this.
Three hours later, OP shared an update.
So it turned out I messed up big time. My GF came here as an international student, and has relatives from other cultures. It turns out that what I thought was the affair partner's name was actually the word for aunt. Her elderly aunt that helped raise her, which is why the messages were so affectionate.
Apparently she makes a mean chocolate cake, which my girlfriend had been dreaming about the other night. I thought this was complete BS, but my girlfriend made me read through all her messages from the beginning, and I realized she was telling the truth.
My girlfriend is pissed, apparently her aunt has been crying because of the message I sent and because I blocked the number, it took a while to clear the situation up. She cursed me out for 5 minutes and said I'm a total scumbag and it's over and then kicked me out. Thanks a lot.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
FlyinDuke wrote:
You’re thanking us for your f up, or for telling you that you f--ed up?
Lil-littorious responded:
He's blaming us.
FlyinDuke responded:
Fits his MO, “If I fail, blame the internet. It led me astray.”
Rowanever wrote:
I just read the edit and I'm laughing. Dude. Please learn multiple lessons from this huge tantrum and its very fair consequences:
Women aren't possessions.
Controlling other people by not letting them see messages sent to them, or by blocking contacts on their phone, is WRONG.
Anger is a valid emotion, but letting it out in an uncontrolled way is destructive and bad - and you're 100% liable for the consequences.
If you have an issue in a relationship, deal with it in the relationship.
NoiseProvesNothing wrote:
Your update gave another reason YTA - she's from a different culture, and acceptable terms of endearment and interactions vary by culture (and region, and family, and individual). You didn't bother to check anything with her.
At this point all you can do is apologize unreservedly for being a suspicious, interfering AH who treated her like property and not an equal partner in the relationship. And promise to do better. If you're normally a decent person, you'll learn from this and I hope it works out in the end.
Rowanever wrote:
Yeah, modern life as we're supposed to do it is appallingly lacking in intimacy and endearments. A lot of adults have developed close-knit friend groups that we think of like chosen family. Expressions of love and pet names are often part of that.
Hell, my partner calls most friends 'sweetie' and I'm 100% chill with that. 🤷
Inevitable_Talk4627 wrote:
Lol thanks a lot? Did we look at your GF private messages??? Nope. YTA :-)
Fuzzy-Ad559 wrote:
"Thanks a lot" LMAO you're the one who f#$ked yourself over. Don't be blaming the internet for your mistakes.
Take a lesson from this: don't freaking jump to conclusions and act if you don't have any facts to back you up.