Husband blames pregnant wife for his affair. 'You didn’t give me enough attention.' AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for texting the woman my husband is cheating on me with that I hope she is proud of herself for being a homewrecker and that I have all their messages?"
Okay so, for some background, I (24f) am 8 months pregnant with my husband's (26m) baby and we are over the moon, or so I thought. I started to get a weird feeling about a “friend” on his Snapchat that he constantly texts and completely ignores me.
So I know that you are never supposed to go through your husband's phone, but I couldn’t sleep and even though I fought the urge to go through their messages, I ended up doing it anyway.
Well needless to say, I found them exchanging nudes and messages about how much they love each other and when I asked him to his face if there was something going on between them and I told him to just tell me the truth, he lied to my face and tried to turn the situation back on me.
He started saying that I’m always trying to cause fights. He also told me that our son is the only reason our marriage isn’t over. But, after I found the messages, I wanted to have undeniable proof.
So, I took pictures on my phone of their messages and then I found her on Facebook and texted her saying “my husband is a liar and I hope you are proud of yourself for being a home wrecker and I have all y’all’s messages.”
She hasn’t responded yet, considering it is 4am at the time I am writing this, so AITA for texting her that my husband is a liar and she is a home wrecker? I will post updates as soon as I can.
True to her word, 10 hours later, the OP returned with an update.
Okay so thanks for everyone’s feedback on my first post about it this, and to answer some questions, yes she knew about me and that we are expecting our son in a month and she still continued on with him.
Yes I confronted him about it as well with the evidence. He tried to deny it at first. He then broke down and told me that it was all because I don’t give him enough attention.
A little context, I work a full time job while he works whenever it isn’t raining because he does lawn care, I did tell his family about what he did, and yes I plan on leaving him, I just have to get the money to be able to afford the divorce first. Thank you again on all the feedback from my original post.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s posts:
Girlie, you don't need to give context as to why your husband cheated. He cheated because he's an AH, not because you work too much, not because you are tired of looking after his dusty ass, not because you are carrying his baby. He cheated, because he's a cheater. And you don't deserve that full stop.
You leave him first and divorce him when you can. You can move as far away as you want whilst you're pregnant but once the baby is here he can stop you moving. So think carefully about where you want to live - near family, near friends etc? and then move whilst pregnant. He can't physically - or legally - stop you.
Cheaters really bring out some of the dumbest excuses ever. Not enough attention? Oh F off.
I mean, that was basically my ex’s excuse when she started cheating on me the year I was recovering from a brain tumor and multiple brain surgeries. Me being sick and exhausted and hospitalized and going to 1 million appointments meant I didn’t have enough attention to give her, so she had to start sleeping with her best friend. It was really all my fault you see.
This feels real. The OP didn't waste time telling us pointless backstory, nor was there penned out a full dramatis personae. I hope she takes him for everything he has, which doesn't sound like much. I'm just sad that she is currently pregnant, so he'll always be tied to her.
It always baffles me how easily the cheater shifts from " outraged loyal protagonist" to " victim of neglect and abuse" when presented with the proofs. Chameleons can learn a thing or two.
As someone who has been alone and single for my entire life, the people who say they cheat because they're lonely or aren't getting enough attention just blow my mind. All I can think is, "Do you have no friends at all?"
She is 8 months pregnant with a full time job on top of that? Where exactly is OOP meant to find time to give attention? He should be getting ready to give her and the baby attention for the next 3-4 years!
I’m glad she’s leaving him so she’s not ONLY blaming the mistress - but I’m so freaking tired of this argument that the mistress had zero obligation to be a decent person, let alone decent to other women.
It’s not progressive or empowering to encourage a society where women should have zero qualms about enabling men to hurt other women “because they didn’t make the vows.” You only need to make it that zero-sum if you have the moral complexity of a gnat.
Yes, the husband took vows and he’s obviously a scumbag for his behaviour, but I’m also appalled at the other woman. What kind of soulless monster knowingly messes around with a married man who had a pregnant wife? I can’t imagine being propositioned by a married man with a pregnant wife and considering any option other than telling his wife and then blocking him.
Huh, interesting about the birthing location and it automatically becoming a valid place for the child's residence, TIL. I'm not sure it's as simple as the comments suggest, but if she can afford to move or to be closer to family in another state, that's a pretty damn good idea.
I personally believe you never have to be nice to the affair partner. NTA.