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'AITA for not buying a guy $300 shoes after he spent $400+ on me for Valentines Day?'

'AITA for not buying a guy $300 shoes after he spent $400+ on me for Valentines Day?'


Woman doens't want to buy the guy she's dating an expensive gift for his birthday.

adrienne7846 writes:

I met this guy 9 months ago, and we’ve been dating non-exclusively (or “talking” as they call it these days) ever since. We talk every day, but we don’t see each other often because we live in different states.

He lives in my home state, so I see him about once a month when I go home, and he’s also come to visit me once. When we see each other and go out, he pays for most things, but I do pay for our stuff sometimes as well (you could maybe say 75/25).

He’s been very generous with me. He’s gifted me AirPods randomly. We exchanged Christmas gifts (we both got each other cologne/perfume). For Valentine’s Day, we weren’t able to see each other, but he sent me money for nails, sent me flowers, sent me a teddy bear, and bought me an expensive purse.

His birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I asked him what he wanted. He told me he wanted some shoes, which are about $280.

I told him those shoes are out of my budget. My grandma’s 80th birthday, my mom’s 60th birthday, and my sister’s 21st birthday are all in the next few weeks as well. I definitely don’t intend to spend $250+ on each of them, which seems kind of unfair for me to drop so much on a guy that’s not even my boyfriend. The only person I have ever gifted that expensive of a gift to is my mom.

Also, I just can’t fathom the idea of spending nearly $300 on shoes. The most expensive shoes I’ve ever purchased for myself were probably $100. If I won’t even spend that money on myself, why would I go drop it on someone else?

He got upset with me and says he’s really hurt I won’t get him the only thing he asked for. He says he’s spent a lot on me and never thought twice about it. For example, the purse he got me on Valentine’s Day was $400 alone (note: he also got me other gifts).

He also asked me to stay for his birthday dinner, but that would entail me staying home with my parents far longer than I want to, which is also upsetting to him.

Yes, I can afford the shoes if I really want, but I just don’t want to spend that much on shoes. Again, I don’t even shop like that for myself. I was thinking maybe a $100-150 birthday gift; this is double that. I know he has spent a lot on me, but that was his choice. Like I said, I also have paid for things when we go out.

I have never asked for any of those gifts he has given me either. Even when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, my response was “peace & happiness”. I’d never tell this man, I want a nearly $300 gift. We aren’t even officially together, and I have told him I am not ready for a committed relationship any time soon.

Here are the top judgements from the post:

InternationalCount23 says:

Does this guy know you're not exclusive? Cause from what you've written, he's incredibly into you and wants a relationship, but you want to have all the benefits of a boyfriend without the commitment.

You're NTA (Not the A^@!ole) for not wanting to spend as much money on him as he does you, but YTA if you're stringing him along with the hope that one day you could be more.

If this is the case and you'll never want a monogamous committed relationship with him, either let him go so he can find someone that will reciprocate his feelings, or at the very least have a frank and open conversation with him telling him the exact situation, then if he still wants to continue with this situationship that's on him.

Sweet_Maintenance317 says:

Yeah I'm going to say YTA (You're the A%^&ole). I call BS. You can scream that you’re nonexclusive, until you’re blue in the face, but I bet by next paycheck he doesn’t know that.

Nobody buys all those expensive gifts for somebody they’re non-exclusive with. Reddit knows that, his friends and family know that, and I’m pretty sure YOU know that too.

It escapes me why you would accept all those gifts if it when you knew damn well you wouldn’t be able to reciprocate them. This post just one cop out after the other. You can’t “ fathom spending almost $300 on shoes” but you’re more than happy to accept the $400 bag? I’m girl.

It’s a horrible look that you didn’t say anything until he expected something in return. You have a major lack of communication skills and you need to work on that.

Own_Consideration978 says:

YTA - if you don’t feel comfortable spending that type of money on gifts, you shouldn’t feel comfortable taking gifts that cost that type of money! You can’t have ur cake and eat it, the moment he got you expensive gifts you should have explained how you appreciate it but can’t accept as it’s not something you can reciprocate!

Elleketel says:

ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). While it is his decision to buy you such lavish gifts, I think you owed him a discussion that while you appreciate the gifts, it’s not necessary he spend so much because you wouldn’t reciprocate at that level. He’s not an AH for asking for what he wants, assuming you’d be spending at similar levels but it’s not ok to demand the gift after you’ve said no.

statslady23 says:

He's onto you. His friends and family are telling him that you are using him for gifts and dinners and money. The shoes are a test. YTA.

What do you think? Is OP wrong to not buy him the gift he wants?

Sources: Reddit
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