'Help, the moms of the bride and groom are cc’ing me on their war over the invitations.' UPDATED
"Help, the moms of the bride and groom are cc’ing me on their war over the invitations."
I run a small graphic design business. Weddings are easily my best-paying gigs and also the ones that make me question my life choices. About 70% of couples are totally fine, and then there is that 30% that makes me want to give it all up and become a greeter at Walmart. Today’s situation is shaping up to be one of those.
This morning I got an email from “Lisa” (bride’s mom, fake name, don’t come at me). She had seen my work from another wedding and asked about packages, dates, etc. I sent her my intro email and standard questionnaire, which covers things like what they need, their aesthetic, and names of the wedding party, etc.
I do not give quotes until I get that back. Not even an hour later, I got another email from someone else asking about the exact same date. Same process: I sent my intro email and the questionnaire.
I went out for a walk, came back, and my inbox had turned into a dumpster fire. It seems both “Lisa” and “Betty” (the groom’s mom) are trying to hire me for the same wedding. That's fine, but they both have strong opinions about what is supposed to happen, and instead of privately hashing this out, they decided to copy me on their argument.
The questionnaire asks for correct spellings of the wedding party’s names. This somehow spiraled into an all-out war about whose name should go first on the invitation. Groom’s mom says since they are paying for more, the groom’s name should be first. Bride’s mom is horrified because “tradition.”
For the record, I never asked who goes first. I just follow the traditional format unless it is a same-s*x union, where I ask. But now both moms are mad at me because they demanded I settle the argument, and I politely suggested maybe they leave me out of it. This is just the invitations. Good grief, I can't imagine how stressful the rest of this wedding is going to be.
The commenters had a lot to say in response.
byteme747 wrote:
If they can't figure it out without involving you, then you should fire them. Imagine the rounds of back and forth and changes you're going to get from this. Hours of these shenanigans await you with this group. And they'll hassle you about the revision costs.
OP responded:
I already decided to fire them. It's not worth the headache. I'm just floored that this of all things is the hill that they are willing to die on.
The argument is still going on and I am still cc'ed in the email even though I sent them both my standard, "Thank you but no thank you" letter.
I feel bad for the bride and groom.
Backgrounding-Cat wrote:
It’s so weird that happy couple hasn’t contacted you themselves. Are they aware that mums are planning a wedding???
OP responded:
Honestly, it's not as weird as you might think. This is not the first (nor do I think it will be the last) time someone besides the bride has contacted me. I had a granny hire me once, and she was hysterically funny to work with.
Buckwaltercluck wrote:
Also here for the Granny story.
OP responded:
She was in her 80s and knew all the family tea and enjoyed sharing said tea. She and the bride were extremely close and it was the perfect example of how these 3rd party orders can and should go. Ended up doing multiple jobs for her before she passed including a couple more weddings.
[deleted] wrote:
So, if you mailed them individually and separately, how did they both end up on the same mail chain with you to see them bicker?
OP responded:
One of the mom’s emailed the other to tell her she had hired me (which she hadn’t, she had just requested a quote.) Mom 2 had already emailed me and had the same info as Mom 1. Guess they decided to answer the questionnaire together and then chaos ensued.
I wasn’t cc’d until multiple replies deep and immediately thought “yeah, this one is going to be a nightmare”. Honestly, I read the first two lines of that email and decided it wasn’t worth the headache.
I find it hysterical that these grown adult women had nothing better to do on a Monday morning than argue about name placement on an invitation. But I’m all for the entertainment so I made sure to share the insanity here.
The next day, OP shared an update.
Yesterday afternoon I sent out my standard “sorry, I won’t be able to work with you on this project” email to both moms. Since I work in a pretty niche area, the email basically says, “Due to scheduling issues, I can’t take on your wedding, but here are some vendors who might be able to help.”
Now, I keep two versions of that vendor list. One is the “A-list” of people I personally know the quality of their work and would vouch for their professionalism and creativity. The other is more of a “good luck, godspeed” list with places like Vistaprint and Etsy. I’ll let you guess which one they got.
After sending, I wrote a quick Outlook rule to shuttle their emails into a folder, then moved on with my day. Okay, I also shared the story with you guys, but then I really did go back to work. Fast forward to this morning. I’m drinking my coffee, scrolling through your comments, and I decide to peek at that folder. Seventeen new emails. Seventeen.
And because I’m nosy, of course I read them. Here are a few gems:
Groom’s Mom: “You don’t understand how this works; I pay, and I get what I want.”
Bride’s Mom: “But it’s tradition.” (She wrote this nine times.)
Groom’s Mom: “Nobody knows your name; they know ours.” (I don’t know them either, but sure, okay.)
Bride’s Mom: “Where is this girl? She should be answering our questions!” (For the record, “this girl” is a 58-year-old professional who owns a business. Thanks for the respect.)
There was also some very creative name-calling that I won’t repeat here.
Before anyone asks, I won’t be responding to that email chain. Confidentiality is part of what I promise to clients, but that only starts after a signed contract. If you act a fool before that, well…the internet gets the story. At this point I just hope the couple cuts the cords, grabs a ladder, and elopes. I don’t know either of these families personally, so this is probably where my updates end.
The internet kept the comments coming.
[deleted] wrote:
I’m in an adjacent business- almost all B2B. I’ll do stuff for non business functions once in a while but have a hard NO on weddings. Because I don’t want to question my life choices.
OP responded:
I feel you. Every time I say this is my last wedding, I have a great experience, and then my dumb self does it again. But some of my corporate clients are just as crazy. I had a well-regarded law firm in our area that was rebranding, and I did their new package.
Up until the day we went to press, they were still making tiny insignificant revisions that COST THEM MONEY because they were outside the scope of the contract. There was a dot in the logo that went through 6 revisions, and they finally decided on the original version. But they didn't dispute the bill so there's that.
Unique-Ratio-4648 wrote:
I’d have a policy of only dealing with the bride and groom, and not their mother’s. For all you know, she’s already got the invitations handled.
OP responded:
I would say 80% of the people who contact me are either the bride or the groom, but it really isn't uncommon for someone else to contract me. A lot of times, my services are given as a gift so they are the first to contact me and go through the bid process.
While weddings are not my bread and butter, they are one of the more lucrative lines I offer. I live/work in an area where over-the-top weddings with all of the trimmings are the norm.
bizzy816 wrote:
Tell them you only work with the people who are actually getting married! Let the bride and groom decide that stuff!