'AITA for the way I reacted to a bizarre interaction with my ex's new GF at work?'

"AITA for the way I reacted to the weird interaction with my ex's partner?"

MY(28f) break up with my ex (now 26 M) was anything but clean. At first, he came across as protective, but over time that turned into something much heavier. Toward the end, he started monitoring where I was, who I spoke to, and even how long I stayed back at the office.

When I pulled away, his behavior escalated. He waited for me near the cafeteria at lunchtime, lingered by the lobby in the evenings, and once followed me from the metro station all the way to my flat.

The breaking point came when he showed up outside my apartment late at night and refused to leave, creating a scene that drew the attention of neighbors. I had to go to the local police station, explain everything, and file for a restraining order. So the point I want to highlight is that my breakup was an ugly one and information about his nastiness is in public domain. Now he is engaged to a junior in my office.

She works in Communications, which manages press notes, newsletters, and official updates. Their department is on the second floor near reception and the visitor meeting rooms. I am in Corporate Strategy, two floors above the communications near finance and legal departments. Mine and her teams rarely meet in person.

Even the building’s design reinforces this separation. The office tower has two basement levels of parking, each split into zones. Every zone has its own pedestrian lounge with stairwell and lift access. Staff usually stick to the lounges that serve their floors, since it is faster and more practical.

We mostly use the north lounge and her team stick to the south one. This afternoon, as I came through the north lounge, she was there. She stepped forward as if she had been waiting.

She smiled and told me she would wants me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. Then she added that she sympathized with what I had gone through with him. The tone was sweet but it felt like a snark to me. I was taken aback, too dumbfounded to say anything. I said nothing and moved forward.

A few of my colleagues witnessed this. A section of them believe that maybe she was extending an olive branch and I should not have been so cold. And the other half believes that she was mocking me and I should not have been spineless in my reaction. I want you people to judge my actions because this weird interaction keeps repaying in my brain.

Am I supposed to believe that a person who is starting a new life with the man I have had a contentious relationship with wants to be a genuine friend to me? If anything it is pretty insensitive rude and sarcastic to ask a person to play a wingman in the love story of their ex who they don't get along with.

But then maybe I am too chicken to say these things or maybe too dumb to comprehend a single non sadistic reason for her to say what she said. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Pure_Distribution__ said:

You handled the situation the way that felt safest for you and that is completely valid. Being asked to be part of your ex’s wedding, especially after such a difficult breakup, is not something most people could take lightly. Her comment could have been sincere or sarcastic, but your reaction to stay calm and move on shows self control and awareness of your boundaries.

robusta20 said:

NTA. Your gut reaction was right staying quiet and walking away was the smart move. Don't second guess yourself on this one.

OP responded:

Yes I felt so sick in stomach when she said she sympathized with me. Like girl you are flaunting your relationship with the man who harassed me, entirely your choice I am no one to judge you, you owe me nothing but am I supposed to believe that you will be sympathetic to me towards me for the very same things he put me through, if anything it sounds mockery.

But I felt not every drama deserves an audience, I didn't even want to correct her, or say anything, I was too taken aback and did not want to create a scene of anything especially at office.

Exotic-Rooster4427 said:

Let's face it. The request was bizarre and unwarranted. Whether it was meant as a nice gesture or a dig. It is seriously an unhinged request. I think in the spirit of thumper's mother 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'

The fact he couldn't branch out and find someone in a different building to you. That she has no one else to ask she has to pick you. Are factors here. Has he picked her to get to you? Is he genuinely happy?

I'd go to HR in the morning and just explain that you would like it reported and documented now. Not for further action but so it is documented in case of escalating behaviour. Do not respond at all to her.

OP responded:

I just did not want to make a scene of anything especially at office. I already had a good share of drama due to him that had penetrated in my professional domain.

WanderingMadmanRedux said:

NTA. Let HR know if the interactions continue.

OP responded:

Yup. I am seeing HR. I already had my personal life penetrate my professional one due to his stalking activities. I too personally believed it will be better to have officials involved instead to doing something personally.

Not_the_maid said:

WTF? You really even don't know her. She is not your friend. And she asks you to be in her wedding as a brides maid? I mean really. Under what planet would this be a sincere invitation? NTA. And you would have been still NTA if you told her to F off.

OP responded:

She came to me and introduced herself as his partner and I was like, what makes me believe that this piece of information entitles you to some special treatment from me? Should I greet you with bouquets oh the great lover of my ex, how honored i am to meet you??

But since it was a professional context, I thought speaking out will backfire, it will be better to have HR involved if she oversteps her boundaries any further.