"AITA? I think I ruined my nephew’s birthday."
I (23) have three other siblings but the one I’m talking about will be called Bella and her fiance we’ll call David. They both have one child and one on the way. Their current child we’ll call Jimmy, turned 4 last Tuesday and when I say he’s special to the family, I mean it.
Not only is he a rainbow baby, but he’s survived countless close calls because of health issues so for him to make it to 4 is a miracle. Jimmy wanted a Minecraft themed birthday party, and I had fully planned on getting him a couple of those Minecraft Lego sets and make him a handmade crochet blanket with a Minecraft sheep face.
But Bella had advised not too, because she didn’t want him to become spoiled like our brother, who in turn is the lowest of the lows, snotty rude snappy and demanding because he’s the youngest. Our parents did everything right, he’s just like that. Despite her warnings, I and David both agreed that the kid deserved to have the toys and blanket, because him living is a huge miracle and he’s a great kid.
Super smart, kind and just an overall sweet child, he loves Minecraft and that’s all he talks about so I thought the present ideas were nice. At the party I showed up with the presents, handmade blanket and those Minecraft Lego sets. I didn’t act any different and just went about the party like usual, celebrating singing eating and watching my nephew enjoy his well deserved birthday.
When it came time to open presents, he had almost immediately gotten to mine, and opened them up happily. He seemed so so excited to have a handmade blanket, he jumped around and screamed his little head off and got even more excited when it came to the legos.
He was genuinely so happy, you could see it in his eyes. He did end up getting a few doubles of the Lego sets mostly the smaller once’s from other family..,oops. Either way, my sister took me aside and started to yell at me about how she didn’t approve of the presents I got him.
And that I ruined his birthday because of it and now he’s going to turn into our brother. Personally I think she’s overreacting, Jimmy could never hurt a fly and he’s so thankful for everything. You could give him a handful of dirt and he’d appreciate it, I think she’s in the wrong, but she keeps insisting that I’m the bad guy. So...AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Ohms-Way-71 wrote:
YTA. She asked you not to. She’s the mom. You should have respected that.
You did what you wanted in spite of the parent asking you specifically not to. Your reasons don’t matter. You knew when you did it that you were being an AH, you just decided that you are right so her request didn’t matter.
CoverCharacter8179 wrote:
Sorry but ESH. Like you, I disagree with the sister's reasoning and see no reason the kid shouldn't have a crocheted blanket and some Legos. However, she's the mom and she specifically told you not to give that present. Unless there's actual neglect going on, undermining someone's parenting decisions like that is an AH move.
EDIT: OP bought 3 sets totaling about $150. I don't think this is going to immediately cause the child to become spoiled, but it is a bit OTT. What's also OTT is the sister's accusation that OP ruined his birthday (by making him too happy?) so it's still ESH.
Also, some people are saying, "What about the dad, he said yes, does only the mom's opinion matter?" The thing is that dad also undermined mom here (he may or may not have known he was doing it, it's not clear whether he was aware the mom had said no) - but that's a separate issue, the question is about OP's actions.
When OP got a "yes" from one parent and a "no" from the other, she should have asked them to talk amongst themselves and give her a consensus response. Instead, she took the answer she liked better and ignored the other one.
keesouth wrote:
YTA. A living miracle, please. Your attitude towards that kid is exactly why his mom I worried. You need to not pit the parents against one another. His mom said no. You don't then go to the dad to override her.
ThatDifficulty9334 wrote:
Kids don't become spoiled by getting gifts that they like and being celebrated on their special day. BUT They do be come spoiled by the attitude of he is so special, he is a miracle child so we will cater, give in, not discipline him because of his specialness.
Sick kids can go both ways, being catered to , or being treated like a normal kid, like their siblings. Lots of siblings do resent the sick kid because of the extra attention that they require from the parents...YOU probably are contributing to this!!! As you say ,he is a great kid, kind, appreciative.
Good for him. As for you discussing with your brother, he should have backed his wife up, discussed your desire to give the gifts and his agreement that he thinks its ok with her ,then yes the blanket would have been fine. Sorry YOU are in the wrong. When it comes to their kids parents have the say unless its something that would be harmful to the kid.
Next_Dragonfly_9473 wrote:
The blanket would have been fine, under the guise of "I already made it. Who else would want it?" Multiple LEGO sets on top of that was overkill. It was a lot, it was against mama's wishes, and it made other people's gifts look inferior.
Did you consider that mama might have known what other people were planning to gift because they already asked her what he was interested in, and she already knew he was getting a ton of sets, so you getting what sounds like the entire inventory of sets was going to be too much? You meant well, but still, YTA.