'AITA for thinking my landlord (uncle) is unfair for kicking me out for having my boyfriend over?'

"AITA for thinking my landlord (uncle) is unfair for kicking me out for having my boyfriend over?"

I (22F) and my brother (19M) rent a house from our uncle. It’s just the two of us on the lease. Our uncle does NOT live with us. The same day we signed the lease, our uncle told us that another woman would be living with us “to keep an eye on us.”

This was not discussed beforehand. She moved some stuff in but never actually slept there. Eventually, her daughter started living there instead, without my uncle knowing. As far as he knows, the original woman lived there the whole time.

While the daughter lived there, she constantly ate the food my brother and I bought with our own money and my EBT. She never bought groceries and kept eating our food even after we told her not to. Sometimes the mother would come over and eat our food too. A few weeks later, my uncle told me he was kicking the woman out because she couldn’t pay rent.

After that, I told him the truth about how her daughter had been living there instead. I didn’t say anything until I knew they were already getting kicked out. When we moved in, my uncle said we were NOT allowed to have friends over, no boyfriends or girlfriends. I admit I broke that rule and had my boyfriend over sometimes.

The woman living there knew and didn’t care at all, she actually liked him. My brother also had his girlfriend over. After the woman and her daughter were kicked out, they told my uncle that I had my boyfriend over. They did NOT mention my brother having his girlfriend over. Now my uncle is kicking me out too, but not my brother.

I know I technically broke a rule, but it feels unfair that only I’m being punished, especially since we’re both adults paying rent. My uncle’s reasoning is that he doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, which is his religious belief, not mine. I don’t really have anywhere else to go except renting a room or moving in with my boyfriend, but we’ve only been dating 10 months and I don’t feel ready for that.

My brother is basically my only close family member and friend, and it hurts that I’m being forced out while he gets to stay. I feel sad, betrayed, and confused. I know I messed up, but this whole situation feels unreasonable and targeted. So…AITA for thinking this is unfair and overreacting?

EDIT: I live in California, San Bernardino County, and yes, it does say in the lease, absolutely no one is allowed over, and our mother and other brother have to leave by 9pm. As far as my brother who I live with...idk I would never snitch on him or anything, I'd rather just keep things to myself rather than risk him getting kicked out.

I think he feels overwhelmed by this and probably doesn't really know what to do, as to why he hasn't done or said anything to my uncle regarding all of this. I have also been looking up tenant rights in my area and it says "California tenants have a right to quiet enjoyment of the rental. That includes having reasonable guests, including romantic partners."

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Nervous-Ruin-8149 wrote:

There’s a couple ways you can play this. You can have peace. Or you can be right. But i don’t think you’re going to get both. Peace Option - You should know your rights as a tenant because you’re going to be someone’s tenant but not to fight your uncle. He’s your uncle. Unless you’re planning on being estranged and burn the bridge with him, it’s not worth fighting.

He’s going to be around in your future and if you choose to fight him because you’re right and his wrong it could get ugly. I’m sure other family members are going to get nosy and pick sides and talk shit. It’s just more drama. And it’ll be one of those things where it can be talked about for years.

Do you really want that? (Now if this was a random landlord, fight to your hearts content if you want. Once the fight is over you can move on.) regardless of who’s legally right or wrong, your uncle laid out the terms. He didn’t change it half way through your lease. His beliefs from religion is his beliefs and you accepted them - regardless of whether you agree with them or not, you said you’d comply.

He drew the line. You knew where it was. And you overstepped it. Hard stop. It shouldn’t matter what your brother or anyone else is doing. This should remain between you and your uncle. It obviously seems unfair coz your brother is staying but do you really want your brother to get kicked out too?

But really, it doesn’t matter coz whatever’s going on with your brother and your uncle is none of your business. The “I'm right” option - If it’s important for you to fight him and stay because you think you’re right, then do it. Just know that the aftermath will be ugly. Other family members will input their unwanted opinions. Rumors with start. People are going to talk crap.

You're going to have to deal with this as you’re fighting your uncle. If all this is worth taking on because you need to show him that you’re right and he’s wrong, then do it. But don’t complain that it suck coz you already accepted it. If I were you, I’d just move out and live where/how I want. It’s always complicated when you’re renting from family. Expectations from all parties are never really aligned.

Always ends in drama. Maybe your brother would be willing to move in with you. Help split the rent and living costs. Coz if your uncle can kick you out, he can also kick out your brother. It’s only a matter of time. Think it’s be worth the peace of mind for him to just leave now on his own terms than deal with possible eviction at a later unpredictable time. Good luck with everything.

Tudragon123456 wrote:

The NTA was funded by the EBRD but this is messy. In California the rule is unlikely to be unenforceable if tenants have a right to quiet enjoyment. In case it's not just a boyfriend, consider if he was reprimanding you for telling the truth about the girl that lives there. In this case California housing laws might not be respected and the government may not be able to deal with this issue effectively.

Herbscrystalsandcats wrote:

NTA. Also you’ll have to check the laws in your state but do you have a lease.

OP responded:

Yes I do, its my first time renting so I don't really know what to do.

Ok-Ardvark6742 wrote:

NTA but you absolutely need to look up the tenant laws where you live. If your lease says you and your brother rent the entire house, he can’t just move someone else in. If your lease doesn’t prohibit overnight guests, he can’t do that either. Why you need to look up your rights - your uncle may not be allowed to prohibit overnight guests, he may not be allowed to make rules based on his religious beliefs.

And, anything he puts in the lease that’s against the law is generally unenforceable. A lease is a contract, your uncle can’t just change the terms unilaterally after the lease is signed, so you should also be aware of the proper process to amend a lease.

If you have a lease, he also may not be able to kick you out without going through the eviction process. I’d confirm what your rights are before you leave, you should look to see whether there are any tenant advocacy groups in your area, or if you’re in school whether they offer any services for off-campus students.

Places like that tend to offer free guidance and resources. (Edit to clarify - if you find he has grounds to evict you, leave. Evictions are a terrible thing to have on record and will make it harder to find a place to live.) Good luck! I’ve dealt with shady landlords around your age, and I’ve also rented from family. It’s never easy, but you’ll learn a LOT that will protect you in the future.

Castle_of_arrgh wrote:

NTA. Technically you broke rules, but going beyond that.. the level of control and having family force their personal values on you is too extreme and unreasonable. You and your brother are close. You both lived there and both broke the rules together.

Why not suggest he moves out too and you both search together? Morally, I couldn't imagine watching my sister get kicked out and i sit quietly, saved by the fact a vengeful ex-roomie chose to spill the beans on my sibling but not me.

You and your brother should both look for somewhere. If money is tight, even go so far as to consider 2-4 people sharing, bringing on the boyfriend and girlfriend too if possible. The uncle has shown he values his personal beliefs 1st, money 2nd, and family…who knows how far down that list. You’re both adults and he doesn’t even show you that basic respect.