'WIBTA for threatening my mom for a first time offense when drawing a boundary?'

"WIBTA for threatening my mom for a first time offense when drawing a boundary?"

I'm mixed native. I practice traditional spirituality. My surrogate mother is a catholic white lady who is an in the closet racist. It bothers me and through the years I've tuned her out as It's usually never pointed at me so I've never called her on it.

She never forced me to church with them and offers her hand at dinner prayer but let's me choose whether or not to take hers in her prayer. She tries to live the example of what she believes instead of shoving her beliefs on anyone which I've often vocalized respect for.

In turn, I have never practiced or bantered on about my spiritual or cultural beliefs in her home. My bio great grandmother just passed in October and I needed a dress for ceremony so I got fabric and used her sewing machine. My relatives &I did a mourning ceremony during which we cut our hair.

She found out about the funeral &showed up. I appreciated the support but it was a closed family event-most people don't attend funerals for strangers type private not she was unwelcome type. My great was assimilated from the boarding school days &therefore catholic but had reconnected in some ways with Dakota living. It was a mix of cultures.

The rosary was done-in our language. The priest speeches (sorry I don't know the titles) were said &the medicine man prayed our way. Food happened. we had drummers/singers not an organ. A few of us released a calling (I think y'all would recognize war cry for the sound).

Everyone had traditional attire. My mom has never seen anything like this. I explained. She got a lot of information in a short period of time. She saw me "look Indian" for the first time. She went to my brothers for thanksgiving and made a comment to them about I'm "suddenly into native culture and it's weird". My brother was like What? She said "Indian stuff is weird".

He stood up for me “she's native, it makes sense that she would connect with native culture. That's like saying you're acting catholic and it's weird.” She said she is catholic so it's not. He's like mom that's racism.

She saidwe bastardized the funeral prayers by not saying it in English, she knew that priest and found him eccentric. She didn't like how his sash was beaded because it wasn't appropriate for catholics.

She was talking smack about a funeral she crashed. I want to have a chat with her and my surrogate father (he can meditate and also know exactly what was said) let her know that I don't appreciate her disrespecting me, my culture or my family behind my back.

That I am not suddenly native she just hasn't paid attention these past 15y. And that if she doesn't want cultural education then she shouldn't be asking me for explanations as I've never flaunted it in front of her.

That it's a double standard that I allow her cultural habits yet have to privatize mine so as not to "shock" her. That if she can't accept having a native daughter instead of just a daughter and respect it, she won't have one.

specialba writes:

NTA. Your culture is yours, don't let anyone ever take that away from you. It sounds like if you didn't put your foot down now, then it's never going to stop. I know you said she's your surrogate mom, but even moms can be bad people.

fealt writes:

NTA, I wouldn’t be too harsh on her since our surroundings create us and she probably doesn’t know. You should try explaining it once without becoming emotional to her and she how she react, tell her exactly what you feel.

Otherwise, she will maybe get more resentment, and the goal is that she accepts you and understand so everyone gets better from it.

craner writes:

NTA. I have a native child and I am not a native woman. I could never imagine not supporting her spirituality and connectedness to her culture. I love her to the moon and back, but we all talk to our gods/creators in a different way.

She speaks to hers in ceremony, song, and dance, and I do it in quiet and solitude. I like when she explains things to me, it helps me to know her better. I also don't ask as the event is happening - that's wildly disrespectful.

I am sorry she rejected you and your anger is only trying to tell you that she wronged you. You should be proud of your heritage forever and always.