'AITA for telling my friend she shouldn’t feel threatened by her own stepdaughter?'
"AITA for telling my friend she shouldn’t feel threatened by her own stepdaughter?"
dontyelliwillcry
I (26F) have a close 45 year old friend that started out as my “work mum”. We have worked together for 2 years and she has become like family. When my own mum passed, she sort of stepped into the role and now I spend a lot of time with her and her children are like my siblings.
She has a blended family, so she has a son and daughter from a previous marriage and her husband has 2 daughters from a previous marriage. The more time I spend with them as a family, the more I see a difference in how she treats her husband’s kids versus her own, particularly his 15-year-old daughter (who I will call T) and I feel like everything came to a head this past weekend.
There was a family gathering for someone’s birthday and a little party was held where my husband (27M) and I were invited. It was a good time and we started taking photos all together.
We snapped one photo of my husband playfully holding her 11 year old stepdaughter upside down by her ankles and while this was being taken, T jumped on my husband’s back for another photo.
I just thought they were funny photos and didn’t think anything of it. My work friend came up to me and said quietly “um, that’s your husband.” I was confused and said I hadn’t forgotten.
She asked if I was okay with T crawling all over him like that. I was uncomfortable with what she was insinuating and tried to laugh it off by saying oh I’m not intimidated by a 15 year old.
She then raised her eyebrows and said she wouldn’t always be 15 and to keep an eye on her otherwise she might steal my husband one day. This really shocked me and I just said if he can be taken, I don’t want him.
She then told me that I was being too chill with the whole situation and that it sometimes makes her uncomfortable how close T is with her husband. I think my jaw hit the floor.
I said you mean her dad? It makes you uncomfortable how close she is with her dad? She said she just doesn’t like how he goes running to her whenever she’s upset and she doesn’t think he realises she’s a woman now and a close relationship like that isn’t appropriate because he’s a married man.
I lost my cool then and told her I couldn’t believe what she had just said and that it is really f'ed up that she sees her stepdaughter as some kind of twisted competition.
She brushed me off by saying she would be the same way with any woman being that close to her husband. I said I understand insecurity, but this is his daughter and that she may need help if she is truly upset with their relationship.
She got teary and went inside at this point and my husband and I left shortly after as the party was winding down anyway. I’m now wondering if I was too harsh and is there maybe some dynamic I’m not aware of, but I really can’t see my friend as anything but the evil step mother now. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
lihzee
NTA. You got it exactly right. She's jealous of and is creating a competition between herself and her husband's teenage daughter. That's pathetic.
Tall-Negotiation6623
NTA cause that’s just ew. She needs therapy so badly it isn’t even funny. I would tell her husband since this is something he really should know about.
Foreign-Hope-2569
She is the evil stepmother and she is also VERY mentally imbalanced. Have you thought about warning her husband. I mean this is psycho weird and scary. NTA.
imamage_fightme
NTA, that is absolutely vile what your coworker was saying! Trying to imply that her 15 year old stepdaughter is some sort of seductress, that she might steal your grown husband, and even worse, that there is any sort of impropriety between the stepdaughter and her own father - all of this is absolutely disgusting.
Who thinks like that?! It says more about her than it does her stepdaughter. Life is not an episode of Game of Thrones, and the vast majority of people do not want to fuck their immediate family members. 🤮
The OP responded here:
dontyelliwillcry
It also bothered me because, like you said, she was implying her stepdaughter was a seductress and that if something were to happen, my poor husband wouldn’t be the one accountable? Oh, but she might steal him! Has he lost his ability to say no? As if the responsibility is entirely on the teenager and men can’t help themselves.
Specific_Yogurt2217
NTA You've had that moment we sometimes have, when we are deeply disappointed by someone showing their true colours. This is bound to happen with almost anyone, if you get close enough.
CapricornCrude
NTA My own mother told me as a very small child (3 yo) I was not allowed to sit on my own Dad's lap (her husband). She yanked me off if I climbed up and fell asleep or just wanted to play with my Dad.
She went on to be extremely jealous of me as a teen and beyond. She is 85 now and is still inappropriate and flirty with men, especially if they are with a woman. Some women are just sick that way and see any female as competition.
ondinemonsters
NTA. I’m in my 40’s and my Dad is still the first person I call when I’m upset. He’s my DAD. He’s been a rock my entire life. Probably like T’s Dad has been for her.
If your coworker thinks there’s something fishy going on she’s the one with Oedipus complex and needs therapy. What the actual fuck is she gonna do when her daughter (who’s not blood related to her husband) becomes a “woman”? Kick her out so she doesn’t steal her husband.