"AITA for threatening to no longer pack my husband's lunches?"

My (f26) husband (m26) works long days. Pretty much 7AM-6PM, sometimes even later. (He is a utility locator, if that's helpful. And spring-summer is the busiest time.) He sets his alarm for 5:30 AM. Every morning. Even on weekends because he is fearful of it not working when it needs to. No matter how many times I try to explain that you can set a schedule for it.

We don't actually get up right when the alarm goes off, we generally push snooze until it's 6 or 6:30. His workday starts whenever he gets in his company vehicle and drives to a ticket. Why he sets it for 5:30 is a mystery. I am not a morning person, and he is the one who presses snooze.

I repeat, I am not a morning person. And lately, I have been having trouble sleeping. Yet my husband insists that I get up with him so I can make his work lunch. Well, today, I had a particularly hard time getting up. And while getting up, I was in a fog. So I moved slower than normal. I had decided to give him leftover pasta salad and make him a sandwich to go with it.

Whilst I was in the kitchen, he recieved 3 emergency calls. Which meant he had to leave before I could finish packing his lunch. I hadn't even pulled out the salad yet due to having trouble finding any deli meat for his sandwich. He began rushing me and telling me, "This is why I pester you to get up. Did you even start on my lunch?" I said "I was trying find-" but he cut me off.

"I guess no lunch for me then." He snapped while pouring himself coffee in a travel mug. I shushed him, which I guess was the wrong thing to do. He started ranting at me about how it's always so difficult to get me up. I snapped and said "Well maybe you should be a man and pack your own lunch from now on! That's what family member who has the same job does!"

Husband snaps back "Well, I'm not him and you're not his wife!" I said "Glad that's clear, either way, expect me not get up at all next week and pack your own lunch from now on." In the midst of all this, I had packed him a container of the salad and a fork. At least it was something. He stormed out as soon as I had zipped his lunchbox for him.

I know a lot of this was said in frustration, but I admit I do envy the family members who are in the same positions as us. The wife and I are both stay at home moms with toddlers, yet she's not expected to always pack her husband's lunch. He just grabs whatever's in the fridge or preps it at night so he can grab and go the next morning.

I tried doing that for my husband and he complained about it not being fresh. I should point out the family member is in his late 30s, so I guess it's a matter of maturity. But I feel the need of outsider's opinions. Am I the a-hole here?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

MultiFazed said:

NTA. Your husband is a grown man; he can pack his own damn lunch. The fact that he thinks that it's your job because you're his wife just reeks of misogyny. And the fact that he insists on setting the alarm that early and hitting snooze a bunch (including days when he doesn't work), even when it negatively impacts your own sleep, paints him as a very selfish person.

Realistic-Nebula5961 said:

Maybe I'm a shit wife, but never in a million years would I even consider waking up with another grown ass adult to pack his food for him. And you have a toddler to take care of. NTA.

Adventurous-Olive-68 said:

NTA. What!?! My husband does his own lunch, even does our daughters. This is a 🚩

HonestCranberry8485 said:

hold it - so he refuses to take a prepacked lunchbox from the fridge? And if I am right you gave him leftovers anyways? So he should be able to do that on his own... But be prepared for this escalating if you really refuse to get up with him. NTA to be clear before people tear me apart again. I just wonder why he thinks you are responsible for a fresh lunch for him?

BlueBelle2019 said:

My suggestion was going to be to make it the night before, but he complains about it not being fresh?? Oh no. I always pack lunches the night before as I’m cleaning the kitchen after dinner. There is too much stress, chaos and unexpected things- like his emergency call- to mess with that in the mornings. Pack his lunch at night or get him to help in the evening with it.

OP responded:

This sounds like a good way to help with the problem. Especially since it looks like warm weather is about to stay. I couldn't pack the night before when it was the dead of winter and freezing. I had to heat up a thermos in the morning to heat up leftovers so they would stay hot for him. Since he is a utility locator the warmest place he could ear was a car unless he wanted to go to a fast food place and buy a lunch.

kristent225 said:

Not being fresh? So packing a lunch from food in the fridge the night before isn't good enough? You have to pack that SAME food in the morning before he leaves? WOW!! Your guy is extremely unreasonable and also very selfish considering that snooze button is the devil!

I also cannot get back to sleep when snooze is hit and I warned my hubby if he tried to use the snooze button, I'd toss the alarm out the window. Your hubby needs to stop being so selfish about this and have some compromise.

The food being packed the night before and sitting in the fridge is absolutely NO different to packing it that morning. You aren't cooking him a hot meal and putting it in a container, it's all cold! You poor thing.. NTA

And OP responded:

I should have specified. The one occasion I did the night before thing, i made him a sandwich and put it in the fridge. I was sick and took Nyquil, so I KNEW it would be impossible to wake up and to be alert enough to make his lunch. He whined that the sandwich would be soggy.

I got right in his face I said "Do you want me to be well?" and "do you want to eat?" He shrank down and nodded. I felt so powerful in that moment.

She later shared this update:

We talked it out. We agreed it would be a good idea that IF I was to keep packing his lunches, I will do it at night from now on. I actually like packing his lunches, it's the getting up that early in the morning that is my main issue. He DOES appreciate me, and said so.

I know everyone here has a perfect man who has never made mistakes nor snapped at you when feeling rushed. But I am happy my man isn't perfect because he would be boring. I'm not perfect either and can list many mistakes I have made. I know I have posted things here before about my husband. And the responses to those posts have helped us discuss the problems.

You are only seeing small blurbs of out life. Not all of it. Remember that when people post about an issue in their relationships. Thank you for the comments, either way.

........you're welcome?