'AITA for threatening to take my 'sister' to court over a social media meltdown?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for threatening to take my 'sister' to court over a social media meltdown?"

I don't really have a lot of family, I'm female 33 and an orphan other than my kids. I'm somewhat overprotective of those I've given birth to. I had a traumatic upbringing in and out of foster care until I got emancipated.

Because of this, I wasn't the smartest and got pregnant young. I don't blame anyone but me for this. The person I got pregnant with had a very young sister I got close to. Due to life, we got pulled apart and her brother became toxic so I wasn't necessarily always around but we tried to stay in contact on social media. No biggie, or so I thought.

In like 2017, I noticed she was bouncing around and never around her mom on social media, living in other towns and partying it up. Her mom confirms she's a party girl. No biggie, I really didn't care what she decided to do with her life that's her life. I don't wanna control her ever. Just wanna make sure she's safe and fed ya know?

In like 2020, she starts messaging semi-regularly about her struggles with housing. At this time, I was going through a bitter divorce so I couldn't do anything. My ex was tying up all my extra cash and time with court and other BS.

So if she could make it to me I'd help her get on her feet. But overall I couldn't afford to drive from Colorado to Texas to get her. Again single mom, orphan, going through divorce. It wasn't in the forecast of something I could afford. Realistically anyway.

Flash forward to 2024, she's informed me that she's in a state over and still a good 6 to 9 hour round trip to see her pending the kids and what happened. Again I told her I'm on a fixed income and I can help to an extent but she has to more or less help herself and if she can't then I'm in a pickle.

I live in federal funded housing. There's rules here for guests and things like that. So she could come for a short time to get on her feet but I can't keep her indefinitely. She begins to tell me about some creepy things she's going through. Again I feel terrible but I can't risk my bills and my kids needs to go pick her up. It's hard to catch up ya know?

January of 2025, I get the money together and confirm with her that she's ready to go because I'm taking the kids to school and hitting the highway to go get her. She confirms she wants to go and is ready. Packed and will be waiting. So I did just that. Got the kids ready, dropped at school and was on the interstate to get her and barely have the time to be back to get the kids from school.

The entire ride there she will basically not respond. I had this horrible feeling she changed her mind in the middle of the night. I drive over 2 hours before she drops the bombshell, she's not ready to go. She doesn't wanna leave. So I find the nearest spot to pull over and call her.

Yup sure enough, she suddenly supposedly was okay and didn't need me to get her. And again I don't wanna control her so I make sure she's good, she confirms and I turn around. After all I guess a friend lives near by so I can say hi right? Well that's what I do anyway to try to not feel like the whole day was a waste.

LESS THAN 48 HOURS LATER SHE NEEDS ME TO PICK HER UP. I feel like I need to reiterate I'm on fixed income I can't just make these long road trips in my gas guzzling car. It's not realistic. So I put my foot down, she HAS to figure out her own ride. I'll take her in, the housing says 2 weeks, so she will have 2 weeks and we can figure it out.

She finds her way here and is here less than 2 weeks when she takes off (early February for reference sake) to some guy she's never met on the Internet to some town several hours away. In case no one has told you, winter in Colorado is way different than winters in Texas and Arizona.

So she got stranded in a crop top and tiny pants that are more light tights. She spends the entire month stranded there because I can't come get her and since she took off they wouldn't come drop her back off either. So mid/late February I borrow money again to go get her. And again she tried to call it off last minute, but nah I don't think so. Call me a jerk IDC, I picked her up and brought her back.

The next few weeks were awful as she literally ate everything in site and kept disrupting my sleep at night. She was up all day, my dogs weren't allowed around her because she would get all huffy and rude, get pissed if they sniffed her things. So I kept them in my room. She literally turned my birthday into a nightmare.

For context: I hate my birthday. I've always had bad experiences with it. But this year I had gone out of my way to set up a boudoir shoot and I wanted to change my birthday. But that's not what happened. The whole time I was at the shoot she was messaging. Something happened.

Btw this is March now btw well into March. Anyway I told her I'd help cheer her up after my time at the shoot but I wanted to focus on this and be able to feel good about me for once. That's literally all I wanted. That's not what happened at all. Her plans went out and now she wanted to drink. For context I don't drink. I used to but I have seizures and so I don't drink.

Alcohol lowers my threshold for a seizure so to me it's not worth it much. I told her maybe but probably not I don't like alcohol in the house. But she didn't hear a peep. So when a friend invited me out for my birthday dinner I accepted because honestly I posted saying I didn't wanna cook. I never should've taken her with me.

My birthday dinner was a disaster. First of all I asked to move to the party table because my friend who was supposed to be joining would be coming and we needed space. So no one listens to me and I end up having to face my back to my friend in a different booth and he stole my check so he paid even tho I ignored him because I couldn't hear him and we couldn't add him to my table.

I was so embarrassed. I hated it. But the whole dinner, she's drinking, won't tell me what she wants so she won't order. I ask her if she wants something and she agreed. But apparently she never did so I was rude and ordered something she wouldn't eat. She wanted to eat what I ordered for myself and my kiddo. She at this point just gets up and leaves to someone else's car and they take off.

So my kid thinks it's time to elope and have fun running so off I go chasing him to my car and I never got to keep my food or say good bye. I spent the next hour chasing her down. When all I wanted was to see my best friend. But apparently my sister wanted to drink and it's all about her.

She ends up ditching me for someone else and then yelling at me that they're not ditching me and they wanna drink at the house. I agree under the understanding that if they drink then keys are handed over because I'm not losing another friend. Well they drank alright. Then took off. Leaving me tipsy, upset and now having to cancel a date she promised she'd babysit for.

At this point I hadn't been on a date for over a year I think. So like. Wtf. But what ever. She wanna drink n take off, do it. So I left her there for a few days while I recovered from drinking and all that. Bring her home lay down ground rules. We agree and it's all good.

At this point it's late March and I got her on insurance, I got her eyes looked at, paid off her glasses, got her seen by a doc for her allergies and other issues, seen by a dentist and I also helped her get a job. This all happened within a few weeks and by mid April I started dating someone. Apparently I was never allowed to go on a date without her also being involved somehow.

I literally can't tell you one date between April and beginning of June (now) that wasn't interrupted or interfered with by her some how. Messaging and saying she needed me, calling, coming into my room. It was maddening. She was more in my business than my own children were. It was intense.

She was also drinking all the time, complaining of not feeling good, calling in sick and then drinking some more. So her job was now unhappy. Btw I also had her apply to get on the apartment because again she was only supposed to be here for 2 weeks and it had been 4 going on 5 months. May starts and they tell her she's got a good shot if she keeps her job on getting in the apartment soon.

But at the end of May on the 27th they told me that she had until June 15th to leave. She couldn't stay here any more. If she did I would be evicted and my children and I would be out of an apartment...apparently around now her job also supposedly threatening to terminate her.

So I try to explain to her to just get through this family trip to Water World with us and we can figure it all out after we get back. Well she supposedly wants to go but then disappears entirely and won't respond to FB messenger or calls or texts. So we left without her. We waited until the last minute.

My kids' dogs and I go to a friend's house where I end up dislocating my knee. This hurts like hell btw if anyone wondered. Well doc said I just sprained it and so we still go to water world. We got home and got a second opinion, find out it was dislocated. They threatened surgery and I said nope I'll take it easy. I won't do anything for the next few days. Which I didn't.

Apparently because I wasn't willing to meet up with my "sister" while I was healing my knee, I was "keeping her things to give to my daughter" "I had substances in the house" "I was always using her and manipulating her because I'm a narcissist." Can someone explain that to me? Like I feel dumbstruck and I've even talked to my therapist about this but damn like really?

My "sister" has gone online and made accusations about me that were absolutely ridiculous criticisms that just to be clear, never happened. Because I'm an orphan I'm super careful and cautious to never cause reasons to entangle with child protection services. But these accusations could make just that, entanglements with them. And for what?

Because I told her in January she was limited to 2 weeks and we were entering 6 months of me housing, feeding and financing her shenanigans, and I couldn't any more? She wouldn't save anything for her apartment or for her betterment. She wouldn't show up to work or even call the places that offered better jobs either?

Like WTF? Have you ever heard you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink? That's what I feel here. But why make these wild wild accusations? Why? I'm nearly a week out from cleaning out her things from my house and storage shed, because I didn't keep a damn thing.

I feel like I'm the a-hole for threatening to take her to court but claiming I'm doing things that I'm not online where people can take her seriously isn't okay. So okay, am I the a-hole?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

LittleBoGanja said:

You need to grow a back bone, kick her out, and go ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT EVER AGAIN! I'm shocked and appalled that you would do so much for her when she is clearly the most toxic and entitled narcissist I've ever heard of.

She clearly needs to let reality hit her in the ass until she hits rock bottom and has nothing else to do but get her shit together and stop using and blaming every one for everything possible.

[deleted] said:

YTA. You not only put yourself through so much unnecessary stuffs but put your kids as well as your pets through that. That girl is not even your real sister but an ex's sister and I don't understand why you did not go NC with her the first time she cancelled on you or the first time she ran out on you.

You allowed all that to happen to you and your kids, your pet dogs, the friend who paid for your birthday dinner, your dates, just too much too many times and you continued to help/enable her.

ConsciousControl2105 said:

YTA to yourself & your kids. If you keep accepting crap you’ll keep getting crapped on. Protect your family from her- your kids don’t need the stress or craziness she brings.

Celestial_Duckie said:

NTA for the court threat, but YTA for subjecting yourself and your kids to this. It sounds like she's been taking advantage of your good nature; even though you've been on a fixed income and have had to drive hours to get her, she's comfortable cancelling on you at the last minute, knowing you'll just come back.

No matter what she does, you only kick her out when you legally have to; nothing she did before warranted her leaving your house. She took advantage of you, and now she wants you to feel bad so you'll take her back in and let her keep using you. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Fluid-Hunt465 said:

She is not your child that you gave birth to. Erase her from your life and focus on those under your care. Thoughts and prayers.

brent_bent said:

She's using you and you seem to have realized that so hopefully when she asks for anything in the future you respond with no. You have to protect yourself and your family first. Good luck and stay strong for your family.

chasingcars67 said:

Look I get how much you desperately wanted to help her, you saw someone in need and you wanted to be the adult you needed as a kid, it is so understandable. However, she is a hurt animal, she doesn’t know up or down, what is help and what is hurt. She is used to chaos and doing whatever stops the pain.

You grew up from instability and created your own normal and stable life, so you believe everyone can. Right now she simply can’t. Noone has stepped in and parented her and you are not the person that can undo that and help her get right. That should’ve been her parents and if they weren’t able to it’s on them.

I don’t know how old she is, but she is behaving like a scared teenager, and she needs to grow up or she will never get a grip. And no you cannot force her to the right thing, she is her own person and you are NOT the one that can do that. At this point she needs to accept what’s happened and take accountability for her life and choices. No one forced her to drink and run off with strangers, she did.

You tried your best, but now you have to back away and protect your own peace and your family. No one will actually believe her, not the people that matter anyways. If she involves the police or someone does based on her lies then yes do protect yourself.

For now she is just howling at the moon and wants to hurt because either: in her delusion actually believes it and if that is so then she is beyond help, or she feels ashamed and guilty for wasting your help and can’t face her failure so she mirrors it onto you instead. Either way she is a hurt girl that has to learn on her own to be a woman. You CAN’T.

FIRST UPDATE:

After a lot of thought about it, y'all are right. I've been researching how to do it correctly. I started by sending a text and email asking her to stop and remove them from social media. It's been past the deadline for change and nothing has happened.

Due to this I will in fact be heading forward with proceedings. I'll set another update once we are done. I appreciate y'all helping me find my backbone and prove I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did.

SECOND UPDATE:

Y'all might think I'm a sucker and so kinda be it, but I changed my mind. I no longer have the drive in me to take my sister to court. I went no contact with her at the beginning of June and by August her mom was reaching out to me to ask for help with some things.

My sister is pregnant. You heard me right, she's pregnant. And that changes thing. I know people are like ya know I should do it anyway, she needs to have consequences. Frankly if you knew what the last 10 weeks had been like, she got that karma served cold asap.

The people she moved in with are always fighting her and making her feel like crap. They're making her feel like a slave and cleaning everything all the time. Like honestly it sounds like she got what she needed. And now a baby is involved? Idk the money could go to something else like a car seat, diapers, formula what ever. So I changed my mind.

Does this make me a push over? Maybe. Does this mean I'll let her move back in? Absolutely not. Like I told her when she asked, I can store things for her in the storage shed but that's it. I can not and will not house someone who is comfortable with making up stories to others to get sympathy about things that never happened.

Oh did I mention she's homeless and doesn't know who the dad is? Like whoopsies. Girl. How do you not know who you slept with? Like is this my OCD showing? I grew up never knowing my father so I always kept track of who I slept with and what day. I also never slept with another man within the same cycle.

Even though my cycle was extremely irregular. Just too much risk to me. Maybe I'm weird idk. I'll take that. But like how would you not know? I'm being super judgemental here and I can feel it but I'm also just tired and overwhelmed with all the information coming my way like rapid fire. I only got a break from it when I was on vacation in Estes.

Either way I no longer have the drive to try to take her to court and possibly make a hardship on my soon to be niece/nephew. If I'm a sucker so be it. F it. Maybe y'all need more compassion and to see the long term affects of things not just short site crap, ya know? Okay. Thanks needed to vent.