'AITA for threatening to kick my soon to be wife out of the house?' UPDATED

"AITA for threatening to kick my soon to be wife out of the house?"

My (30yr M) and (27yr F) fiancé have been together for 5 years now. We’re are getting married in October 25 and we can’t wait. We rarely get in fights/arguments, but this really just made me frustrated. My soon to be Sister in-law (36yr F) recently got a divorce and now has been staying with us for the last 4 months.

At the beginning I was fine with it, stay here for a couple months get situated and find a place of her own. That does NOT seem to be the same thought my (36yr F) sister in-law had in mind! She has not paid any bills, or any expenses. I’ll come home from work and my fiancé and her will be hanging out on the couch watching tv or having a “girls night” every night!

I rarely get any alone time with my fiancé anymore other than sleeping together in the same bed. My Sister in-law has a full time job, and makes decent money (well enough to afford an apt.). I got home from work last night and there they were just watching tv in the living room, eating take out (didn’t get anything for me) and I just blew a fuse.

I said I had enough and that my sister in-law is a grown woman and needs to get a place of her own. My fiancé stood up for her sister and said it’s not fair. I then told her “then you can go to, and you guys can get a place together”. Eventually I went to our bedroom and just laid in bed and eventually fell asleep.

This morning my fiancé was sleeping next to me in bed. I got up got ready for work and left. AITA for threatening to kick my fiancé out? What should I be prepared for when I get home? Should I apologize for freaking out?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Lula_Lane_176 said:

Honest question. Over the last 4 months have you and your fiance had discussions about a timeline for sister to move on, or have you been agreeable the entire time? If yesterday was the first time you seemed bothered, then yes you may have approached it wrong by having your blow up be the first indication that you were bothered.

Four months is a way long time to be crashing someones place, especially if she has a job and can afford it and no way would I tolerate an adult doing this to me without chipping in financially. But if this was the first time you expressed your aggravation with it, you might come off looking like the bad guy here.

On the other hand, if you've discussed this with your fiance several times and the ladies are just ignoring it, I think your outburst was justified. Good luck tonight!

Fickle-Secretary681 said:

NTA. Just the fact that they didn't get you any food is BS.

konradkurze202 said:

lol, you were a bit harsh, but overall NTA. In what world is it not fair for a 36 y/o to be expected to be able to either live on their own or at least contribute toward their living costs? Your fiancee enjoys having her sis there, totally understandable, but she should enjoy you more than the sis, otherwise why would you get married?

I would apologize for how heated you got, but I wouldn't apologize for voicing your frustrations that have been building up. Your fiancee needs to choose who she wants to live with, you or her sister. When she answers that question you'll know what to do.

cloistered_around said:

You should have had a conversation with your wife about this long ago rather than blowing up at both of them.

OP responded to commenters:

I appreciate the feedback by all of you so far. I do feel guilty and having anxiety for blowing up. I definitely should’ve had just sat down with them and talked it out versus blowing up. I am definitely going to apologize for my behavior when I get home.

For awareness to some questions that I saw: I have asked for alone time, and we get some but not as much as we had before she moved in, maybe I just miss that? Her sister has always lived near us so they got to hang out, and I’d just go play golf or go hang out with my friends. I guess I’m just not used to having the place to ourselves and getting that alone time anymore.

A day later, he shared this update:

Hi All, I know a lot of you wanted an update for when I got home last night. To some surprise to it seemed like most of you lol…we communicated and it went swell. When I got home they were both sitting at the table ready to talk. I spoke through my frustrations and build up energy, and SIL said I was extremely fair.

I apologized first for acting like a child and not communicated from the very beginning of a plan for her. SIL apologized and gave her reasons, not excuses to my book.

Details: she was in pain shortly after the divorce, wanted to be with her sister and I since it was the most comfortable situation. My fiancé apologized next and mentioned that she also missed the alone time we used to have, but was making sure she was there for her sister.

For arrangements plans: SIL is now filling out applications for apartments and will be touring this weekend. She got us a full home deep cleaning service, and got my fiancée and I massage gift cards. I did not ask for any of that.

After we sat down and talked, SIL then went to the bar to hang out with some of her friends, then my fiancé and I went out to get all you can eat sushi (my favorite, and she paid to make up for last nights dinners plan). We talked about everything and how we need to communicate more.

We are looking to book a little long weekend vacay for Memorial Day, and building out an itinerary. She is a vacation planner so pretty easy haha. All in all, everything seems to be more fluid now with all 3 of us. I truly am the AH for not doing this from the very beginning like most of you mentioned, and I’m glad I got some great advice from a lot of you.