'AITA for throwing a dinner I made for my in-laws in the trash?'
"AITA for throwing a dinner I made for my in-laws in the trash?"
Hi folks! So I've been living together with my girlfriend for eight years. Her parents - I call them my 'in-laws' for lack of a better word - have always been civil to me on the surface but I get the feeling they don't really approve of me.
They're x-th generation Canadians and I'm from Central Europe from poor peasant stock and I get the feeling they think I'm not good enough for their daughter.
The last time we visited them (we usually sleep over for the weekend), I tried to make them a nice dinner both to reciprocate for them usually cooking for us and also so they can relax a little. My girlfriend was out with some of her college friends so it was just me and her parents.
There's few things I can make, but those that I can I strive to make really well - and pizza is a labour of love for me. Not to brag but I think I make really good Neapolitan-style pizzas. They'd expressed interest in the past so I thought I'd make them some.
I actually brought a portable wood-fired oven along with me, as well as all of the ingredients and kitchenware, firewood, etc etc. I made sure I was out of everyone's way and did most of this outside on the deck, and made absolutely no mess and cleaned up after myself.
I asked them exactly when they would like dinner, and then set about preparing everything. Making a proper pizza in a wood-fired oven is not a 5 minute thing: you have to proof the yeast, prepare the dough, let it rise, fire up the oven and spend like an hour tending the fire until it gets to temp, etc.
So for literally hours they saw me preparing everything, setting the table, and in the hour leading up to dinnertime they saw me outside tending the fire. I even confirmed the time they chose with them a few times, and when I was almost ready to bake the pizzas let them know that they'd be ready in 10 minutes.
So I baked them - they actually turned out really nice - and brought them in to serve them....
...and they said "Oh, we just ate -- just put them on the counter, we'll microwave them later".
And yeah, not my greatest moment but I told them not to bother, turned around and just threw them in the trash (growing up poor I absolutely despise wasting food more than anything else so this actually pained me, but I was fuming mad).
I don't mean to sound like a pizza snob, but when someone spends hours baking you fresh, hot pizza and serves it to you straight from a wood-fired oven you don't leave it on the counter for hours and then 'microwave it'.
I honestly think the whole thing was just a deliberate play on their part to put me in my place. It certainly succeeded. Anyway, now my girlfriend's family is all angry at me for overreacting, and apparently I'm an epic AH. Am I? Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Gently, you did overreact. However, I don’t think you owe anyone an apology. I would just let it go and next time keep your distance and protect yourself- they are not the right people to spend your energy on.
I agree and I absolutely hate throwing away food, especially something as delicious as this, but I understand your frustration. They were thoughtless and ungrateful for all the work you did to serve them something delicious. NTA.
NTW. And wow, i would never visit them again. That is beyond rude. If my partner was not apologizing and embaressed on their behalf, i would leave more than PILs house.
NTA-If we could all just be civil when someone spits in our face, then we would all be pushovers. I feel like this was perfectly justified even if it was done in a fit of anger. Make no mistake. They knew exactly what they were doing. Good for you!
NTA. I think your reaction was a bit much but not unwarranted. They wasted your time and disrespected your efforts because WHY would you go eat when someone is actively cooking for you?? I’m curious as to what your partner thought of her parent’s rudeness.
ESH. They are, for obvious reasons. You because you got down in the mud with them. You wanted to punish them as a power play, and congratulations, you succeeded. You can use your words like a big boy.
"Wow, you already ate? I have to say, I'm really disappointed. I love to make pizza and was excited to share this with you. Microwaving it after is a travesty, haha. We had talked about me making pizza, did the plans change?"
Make them explain it. Loop in your GF for support. Hold on to your own integrity instead of getting petty. Maybe they had a health issue flare, or lost track of time and snacked, or just are pizza heathens and only normally eat $5 frozen Tony's pizzas. You essentially went, If you guys don't want my gift to you the way I want to give it, you don't get it at all!!! This has big "toxic bf punching walls" vibes.
Tbh, this reads like missing missing reasons. You've been together with your partner for 8 years and they don't like you? Maybe have something to do with the fact that you haven't gotten married yet, and they think you're wasting their daughter's time? Or is this not the first time that you've had an out of proportion response and punished them for not "respecting" you?
You definitely are an AH for throwing good food in the trash. I would have packed it up and left. But I don’t think you are an AH beyond throwing the food away. They were extremely rude.
Kind of T A, but I totally get you… sounds like they make it on purpose, and you gave them just the right reason to target you as dramatic and other stuff. You could just let the pizza get cold the freeze it to another moment for you and your girlfriend to eat, heating it on the oven. And just left nothing to them.