'AITA for throwing away food my husband leaves laying around, even if it’s 'still on the sheet?'
"AITA for throwing away food my husband leaves laying around, even if it’s 'still on the sheet,' but days later?"
So, my (37m) husband (36m) doesn’t like to clean up the kitchen when he’s done with it. He’ll wait until there’s no room to really function and then he’ll either badger me to clean it up so he can cook or he’ll clean it up and then insist I cook the next few days because he spent 4 hours on his off day cleaning the kitchen.
At the outset I want to say that I tend towards putting anything I use directly in the dishwasher these days. I wasn’t always mindful, but I have changed over the years. Anything that’s left out overnight or all day is from him, not me.
Pots and pans can clutter the sink for days, and I frequently don’t even use the kitchen besides grabbing something out of the fridge and putting a plate or cup or utensil in the washer. Recently enough I started to get annoyed enough by this whole cycle that I sat him down and said that something had to change. I’m tired of him making cookies, or muffins, or preparing a snack, and then leaving it all out.
I asked him to try to be mindful and just put it away as you use it - and wipe the counter once you’re done, don’t just make a plate of food and go play video games leaving the kitchen a mess. He said he would, but he sounded annoyed like I was making an issue that he didn’t agree was an issue.
Fine, we don’t have to agree on what we feel are issues but we should be able to respect the others needs and opinions. Anyway, I came home the other day and he’d made cookies. Great, he loves those. I don’t eat them myself but who cares, it’s for him. Except there’s crumbs everywhere, the cookie sheet with cookies is sitting there (uncovered, 12 hours after cooking).
The next day it was still there in the morning and I asked him if he’d take care of that (he had the day off, I was out the door for work). I came home and nothing had been done about the cookies and there was extra mess. So I dumped the tray into the bin, cleaned up the kitchen, and went to decompress after work.
Now he’s pissed because “it’s fine to leave them out,” and “you're being ridiculous about leaving stuff around.” I said that if he can’t be responsible enough to clean up after his culinary adventures, anything left out for over a day isn’t my issue and if I have to clean it myself I’m not wasting time going about the stuff you should have done in addition (sealing and storing things, basically).
The internet kept the comments coming.
ImNotMyMil wrote:
Your husband is a baby. He's treating you like a baby sitter. He'd rather throw a tantrum than clean up his own mess. Send him back home.
OP responded:
I can’t afford the shipping, and I’m too attached to the rest of the product cause I love it but I hate cleaning out the part that’s supposed to he spreading.
LDIJ46 wrote:
Was he still planning on eating those cookies? If so, ewww. This is weaponized incompetence on his part. My daughter does the same thing and it drives me crazy.
She is like that about the kitchen and the laundry yet she is an absolute clean freak about everything else. Every morning before I go to work I have to clean the kitchen and every evening when I get home from work I have to do it again (she works from home).
She claims that between work and her 3 year old autistic daughter that she does not have the time to even throw her trash in the bin, let alone put anything away. Yet again, every inch of the kitchen can be covered with stuff but the floors will be so clean you can eat on them. Go figure.
17Girl4Life wrote:
NTA. Some disagreements about how clean is clean enough are valid disagreements. I don’t always think the person who prefers things to be very tidy is automatically correct and has the right to demand everyone in the household clean to their standards.
But in this case, food and dirty dishes left out for days is a health issue. It invites pests and could cause mold spores if left too long. And it keeps the kitchen from being usable by you. I would double down and absolutely insist, if you can’t clean up after yourself, you can’t cook.
OP responded:
Typically he’ll eat any of that stuff for several days without even sealing it. It’s his body not mine, but the mess is what bothers me. I honestly wouldn’t mind if it was only very occasional. Like if he got tired and forgot and it was cleared away tomorrow, fine, not optimal, but you choose what you actually care about.
I think sometimes it’s that he makes food, takes what he’s going to eat, and then forgets. I also think he might have undiagnosed ADHD but convincing him to go to the doctors is like herding two cats with four opinions and no interest.
vrcraftauthor wrote:
NTA. First of all, it's not fine to leave cookies out. They won't spoil like refrigerated food, but they will get hard, dry, and stale quickly. Worse, they attract ants and other bugs! Second, you married a kid who thinks Mom will always clean up after him. He needs to go home to his actual mommy since he isn't ready for an adult relationship.
Bubbly_Management144 wrote:
My partner and I made an agreement that we never leave dishes in the sink at night. We work together and just get them done.
Just make a commitment as a couple and do them every night. And when you don’t feel like doing it, just say to yourself “future me is going to be so glad we did this”. And when you get up in the morning to a tidier kitchen, you’re going g to be so glad you handled it the night before.