'AITA for throwing away a gift after my boyfriend made fun of it in front of his friends?'
"AITA for throwing away a gift after my boyfriend made fun of it in front of his friends?"
So me (22F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been dating for about 6 months. A little while ago for his birthday I made him a small gift it was a handmade mini scrapbook with some photos, tickets from stuff we did together, personal notes etc.
I spent a decent amount of time on it because I wanted to do something thoughtful instead of just buying something generic. When I gave it to him he was sweet about it. Said he loved it, put it up on his shelf. I thought that was that.
Anyway a few days later we were hanging out and drinking with some of his friends and the topic of his gifts came up. My boyfriend kind of laughed and described mine as "middle school relationship core." His friends laughed. He wasn’t outright mocking me, but the way he kept describing it all and the contents like it was something childish made me feel embarrassed.
I smiled and laughed along, but inside I felt kind of crushed. I didn’t say anything then but I cried when I got home. Afterwards I quietly took it and threw it away. I know that might sound petty but I was in my feelings and it just felt like a joke seeing it now, not something sweet. Like I was the only one taking it seriously.
I know he doesn't really keep anything sentimental, he keeps his place clean and decorations to a minimum so maybe I should've just gotten him something practical for his bday instead of making something he had no use for. He noticed it was gone yesterday and asked where it went. I told him I threw it out and when I explained why, he told me I was being dramatic.
Said it was just a stupid joke, that I always take things too personally, and that if anything I'd overreacted instead of just telling him before. Now I feel kind of dumb. I know he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but it still stung. And I'm wondering AITA by taking it so personally and escalating by throwing the thing away so now he feels like the bad guy?
EDIT: I forgot to mention he'd apologized and took me out while still adding those other comments, he explained that we were all tipsy when he'd said it and that I'd just taken it a step too far which is why I'm torn on how to feel about it all. Yes we've been together for six months but known each other for nearly 2 years so it included even stuff from way before.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
SoSaysTheAngel wrote:
NTA. Your boyfriend made fun of you. You put time, effort, and thought into a lovely gift, and he disrespected it, and you.
"He wasn't outright mocking me."
He was. He was mean, and cruel. And when you called him on it, instead of having a realisation he doubled down. He mocked you and told you it was your fault you were upset by his actions. This man will invalidated your feelings forever if you let him.
"He didn't mean to hurt my feelings."
He did. It's called negging. You're 22, you've been seeing him 6 months, you have your whole life ahead of you, do you really wanna spend it with a man who doesn't even like you? You don't have to spend your life with people who don't respect you. Personally I wouldn't just throw away the present, I'd throw away the whole boyfriend away.
Nannylive wrote:
ESH. Grandmamma here. I was on your side 100% until you threw it away. It wasn't yours any more. That kind of proves you didn't really make it FOR him, you made it to satisfy something in yourself. Such gifts are self indulgent and performative unless they are made for someone who enjoys or values such things.
Kind of like buying expensive concert tickets for a band YOU love and making them HIS birthday gift. Live and learn. He was mean about it. I don't think this is your guy.
I_Love_Cake300 wrote:
NTA for having your feelings hurt about the joke. If you didn’t find it funny, then you didn’t. Next time you can let your bf know you don’t appreciate being the butt of his jokes and you all can discuss gift giving to each other in the future.
YTA for throwing the gift away. It technically wasn’t yours to dispose of since you had already given it to him and also whether he made a joke about it or not that’s core relationship pieces that are now in the trash.
Assuming the tickets and such were originals. Not sure if “dramatic” is the right word, but perhaps healthier responses can be practiced in the future. Y’all are 22 & 25 it’s okay. Tell that man to watch how he speaks about you in public settings and you keep your hands off ppl’s things.
Moose-Live wrote:
He was mocking you / the gift and you're NTA for throwing it away. However, and this doesn't excuse his behaviour, this sounds like a gift you would like to get and not something he would appreciate.
I know for a fact that if I made my partner a gift like this, he would be completely gobsmacked because he had no interest in mementoes and sentimental things. He likes practical gifts that align with his interests and hobbies.
(Waiting for the downvotes because all gifts are equal and nobody is entitled to a gift.)
9tails1501 wrote:
He DID mean to hurt your feelings by using such a belittling description of your thoughtful gift. He’s still hurting your feelings and hasn’t even thought to apologise.
MrsCakeakaJane wrote:
Don't stay with someone who's comfortable making fun of you in front of his friends, god only knows what he's saying behind your back.
You deserve better.