'AITA for 'forcing' my BF to look at my used feminine hygiene products?' UPDATED

"AITA for 'forcing' my boyfriend to look at my bloody products?"

I (24f) just recently moved my boyfriend (28m) of 5 months into my apartment. Things have been smooth sailing until I got my period three days ago. I usually use tampons and throw them away wrapped in toilet paper in the trashcan (with a lid).

The other day my boyfriend barged into my office space yelling about have I was 'disgusting' and how 'he shouldn't have to see that stuff' (while i was in a ZOOM CLASS, luckily muted thank god). I got pissed that he was having such an over the top reaction, in my opinion, and asked what he would like me to do with them instead.

He said that he literally almost threw up because he could see the blood soaked through the toilet paper and he would prefer I throw them out in the trash bin outside.

I told him he was being a a bit dramatic but if it bothered him that much I would use more toilet paper to wrap them up but that I would not be walking my used products through the kitchen just to throw them out outside.

Since we had that talk he goes in the bathroom after me every time and tells me if I 'used enough' to cover them up. Well I have been getting pissed and said he's being a creep by checking the trash can after me and if its such a big deal he should get his own trash can. This upset him but he said he would stop checking. Except he didn't, he just stopped reporting it back to me. So heres where I might be the a-hole,

Today I just threw my tampons into the trash without any toilet paper but underneath some other trash that was already in there. When he got up (at around 11am) he legit screamed and called me cruel for forcing him to look at that. I told him that he wouldn't have had to look if he wasn't 'inspecting' the trash.

He teared up and said he wasn't used to living with a woman because he never has before (his mom passed when he was very young). I told him 'well maybe you aren't ready to live with a woman then'. He got quiet and said he was going to go walk to clear his head.

That was a couple of hours ago and he's ignored all my calls and texts except to say that I am not being empathetic to his feelings. I want to be understanding and really thought separate trash cans would be a good solution but he's making me uncomfortable about a very natural part of my body and I don't want to go through this with him every month.

His friend texted me telling me i'm being 'gross' and a 'b-word'. Should I apologize? or is he being dramatic? AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

LucilleKalons said:

NTA. Honey, if this man is uncomfortable around women's natural bodily functions then he definitely isn't ready to live with a women. What would happen if you started your period during sex? Would he gag and still call you gross? Time to rethink if he's even mature enough to be in a relationship.

[deleted] said:

NTA! Don’t apologize for menstruating. You did consider his feelings. You used more toilet paper and offered separate garbage cans. What more could you reasonably do? He’s being unreasonable and very childish. Did he tell his friend to text you?? WTF

InternetSweetie said:

NTA - I think there's more to deal with here than him just "not living with a woman before'. Why the obsessional checking the trash? Why the extreme reaction? Normal people don't scream and get teary when faced with an unfamiliar situation, especially once it's been explained to them, and a solution to their discomfort has been suggested.

He obviously has much deeper seated issues, and he really needs to look into addressing them. I hope you two can talk constructively about this, and he can overcome this immature way of addressing things that make him uncomfortable.

[deleted] said:

NTA. Everything about this situation is a red flag. He is acting like a child. People sometimes have blood come out of their bodies. It’s normal. He wouldn’t carry on like this if it was a bandaid.

And IAmGettingThePig said:

NTA. Major red flag. Run.

She later shared this update:

I'm sorry for not responding to any of these. The number of comments is a little overwhelming, but know I've seen them and they've given me the courage I needed for this convo.

He came back at around 5pm and he was very apologetic and weepy (I have no idea what he was doing as that would be a long walk). Apparently he texted his group chat about this (which is when I go that lovely message from his friend) and two of his female friends ripped him a new one.

He told me he doesn't want to lose me and that he would like to try separate trash cans. He told me that he's not sure why but just the thought that it could be in the trash uncovered skeevs him out but he could have tried more to get used to it. He told me he loves me and this (living with a woman) is all new to him.

I told him that hes not just living with a woman, hes living with me, someone hes supposed to love. I told him that he embarrassed me and disrespected me bringing all his friends into this private matter and I don't know if thats something I can forgive easily.

I showed him what his friend texted me and asked if he agreed with this sentiment. He said 'of course not baby im so so so sorry he said that to you'. I told him hes got some stuff to work through and I'm not sure if we are going to work out if he's going to blow up like this for our first problem (which in my opinion is small).

He. started. sobbing. Asking me not to leave him, telling me how much he loves me, asking me to forgive him. I asked for some time to think and if he can get a friend to pick him up (he does not have a car) and then went off to my office space to get some space.

He was outside the door knocking and asking me how I could just walk away from him when he was crying like this. I told him that all of this was overwhelming and I would talk to him when we were both calm and had time to think. He just left with a friend (not the one who texted me, thank goodness) and I am not sure what to do.

I definitely don't feel like the a-hole but I feel bad for making him cry. I fully believe that men should feel comfortable showing their emotions but his reactions have been such a turn off and I'm not sure I see a future for us. It feels silly because ultimately this is so small. I will update in another post if there is anything more to say.

And then she shared this follow-up edit:

I am NOT shaming him for having emotions, men should be allowed to express themselves openly and honestly. The turn off has been these past three days, him texting his friends, him leaving for almost 5 hours but not letting me have space when I needed it, him initially saying my idea of two trashcans wouldn;t work but after feeling guilty coming around.

I love that my boyfriend trusts me enough to share his emotions I just need some time when we are both calm. I think this is something we can work through but I also know this will be a lot of work that I'm just not sure if I'm ready to take on. Thank you all for your kind words (wrapping up in toilet paper rolls or doggie bags is something I never thought about and will absolutely bring it up when I talk to him next)

Good luck!