'AITA for throwing out my husband's dinner after he went to eat at his mom's house?' UPDATED

"AITA for throwing out my husband's dinner after he went to eat at his mom's house?"

My mother-in-law calls every night to ask what we're having for dinner. Then she brags about what she's cooking to make me look bad, especially if we're getting takeout. I used to care but not anymore. But my husband would ask me to make dinner only for him to go eat the dinner his mom makes at her home. which's 10 minutes away and using the "that's my favorite meal" excuse.

Yesterday, I wanted to surprise him by cooking one of his favorite meals and although I was busy, I took time off work to cook. I even went grocery shopping to get what I needed. Later as I was setting the table his mom called, I told him he didn't have to answer but he did. like usual...she asked what we were having but acted surprised that I cooked this meal.

She then went on to tell him she cooked X meal and told him to come over. He said ok which shocked me, I said "seriously?" as he started dresing up getting ready to leave. he told me no offense but this meal (that his mom cooked) was even more of a favorite than the one I cooked. and grabed his keys and left.

I felt awful. I took his plate and threw it out then ate my portion. As I was about to put the plate in the dishwasher, he got home looking angry saying his mom lied about cooking that favorite meal, and used it as an excuse to force him to eat dinner with her. I was shocked but he sat down telling me to go ahead and reheat dinner. I told him no dinner after he abandoned it, I threw it out.

He said what?? and I told him he disrespected my time and effort and chose to go eat woth his mom instead. He began yelling at me asking if I really did that then called me petty and horrible then went upstairs saying what I did was 100 times worse than what his mom did.

I definitely feel like I let my anger and frustration get the best of me but it really felt unbearable having to live like this for so long. By the way [I'm 26 and he's 28].

EDIT: to make one thing clear and that's the fact that my husband only does this when it comes to food. He lived with his mom (attended community college) and loved and still loves her food and is used to it. She gave me recipes to make and I try to do that but he keeps switching homes just to eat what he feels like.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

bewicked4fun123 said:

NTA. Why in world is he telling you to go heat dinner? Did a t rex attack him and eat his arms on the way back from his mom's? Did he try to catch a piano falling from the sky so it didn't land on a child playing and all his fingers are broke? Did he anger a forest fairy and she cursed him and now he has two sets of legs instead of hands? Or is that him waving a huge red flag????

notablemannersatall said:

NTA. Your husband can either commit to eating at home with you, tell you well before dinner that he’s eating with his mom, or he can make his own meals. Until he starts regularly making a choice to be home or go with enough time for you to plan and prep your cooking, cook enough for only you - he’s on his own.

mdthomas said:

NTA. Stop cooking for him.

And Cat-catt said:

NTA. Why are you married to a mama’s boy who is ok with disrespecting the hard work you put into your relationship?

Here are some of OP's responses to commenters' questions:

On his mom's backstory:

his mom's a widow. lives in her late husband's home. At first she was such a sweet woman. while my husband and I were just dating. We got along so great it made my own husband jealous. But, as soon as the ring hit my finger things changed. We didn't wait too long to get married and so I consider her behavior change due to us getting married I guess?. I believe this is the case.

On his relationship with his mom:

I think that part of this behavior is the fact that he lived with his mom for so long. he didn't go away for college and lived there with his family til after we met. his mom only started her nightly calls after marriage.

On if she's the only one in their household who cooks:

Yes just me. He doesn't know how to cook. I tried teaching him but made excuses such as being busy with work.

On her decision to throw out the food:

I could've saved it in the fridge but then I thought he'd get it or pressure me to give it to him. I didn't throw out much just his portion.

She later shared this update:

Hi ? I just wanna let you know that I will be sitting down with my husband soon (after he breaks the silence I'm just giving him the space he said he wanted) and I'm going to show him this post in hopes he'd see how none of this was my fault. I will also be pushing for couples counseling although he's always been against it but we'll see how things go...

I'm not gonna lie I still feel upset and like my efforts aren't being appreciated, His mom is definately onto something with her little upsetting stunts. I realize how important boundaries are - but also realize how enforcingbcan he difficult.

I'm hoping and praying that we will tackle this issue so that our marriage won't suffer but if he's still somehow unable to do his part then that's on him and I'm no longer willing to go through similar stuff and just take it you know.

So yeah, This is it. I honestly didn't realize my post was going to gain this much attention. Thanks so much ?.