'AITA for throwing my sister and nephew out of my house since they have nowhere to go?' UPDATED

"AITA for throwing my sister and her son out of my house?"

I (35M) am a single father of 3 boys (10M, 7M and 3M). Their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. It has been a rough year to say the least. My sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. She has a son, my nephew (9M) who stays with us most of the time.

My nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. A few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. He called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. I talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down.

Yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. It was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. The boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and I asked them both to calm down and behave. My son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom.

I choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. I figured I'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so I just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. I comforted my son and we went back to the party. Before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying I had no bussineaa disciplining her child.

I told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". I had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a weak b----. My in-laws were crying, I was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. I told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening.

She said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least I'm still a normal person". She stormed off. After the party I told her she has 2 days to pack her stuff and leave. She is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. Aita for throwing her out?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Zeta8345 wrote:

NTA. Your wife died! That’s significantly different from being divorced. Good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude. And crying due to grief is hardly being a wimp so good on you for showing your boys that.

RighteousVengeance said:

NTA to the tenth power. I would love to know how your sister thinks a "normal person" is supposed to react when their beloved spouse dies. Especially during their child's birthday, when the spouse has only been dead since last year, following a long illness.

Trust me. You're reacting quite normally. Your sister, on the other hand, is displaying incredible ingratitude and callousness. I'm not a therapist, but this sounds like malignant narcissism. If that's normal, then you need to kick the normalcy out of your life. I wouldn't speak to her again for any reason.

And the real kicker is, that even when she's facing homelessness, she still refuses to even question her own actions. She's not apologizing. She's appealing to your sense of pity. After the way she insulted you, I would not even consider allowing her to stay. If CPS is looking for relatives to take your nephew, and there's no one else, you might consider letting him stay since he apologized.

But any visits with his mother should be done with an intermediary and off your property. Although given the fact that he steals from your child, that might not be advisable. Glad to know you're calling his dad and letting him deal with him. Hope you and his dad are on good terms, at least.

ColoredGayngels said:

NTA, what the hell is she talking about? Does she have no sympathy? "We both lost our spouses" ma'am you CHOSE to lose yours. And now it sounds like she's choosing to lose her relationship with you too. She has no right to treat you and your children that way. Anyway, I'm so, so sorry for your loss, and a belated happy birthday to your son. Sending lots of love

Smulch said:

Nta, a boundary was not just crossed, it was nuked. I wouldn't want to talk to that person again, ever.

zay_mecca said:

I've read some of your comments about your wife. The one that got me the most is about how you were saying that you are the last link between your children and wife. Your plans to tell them everything you remember about her and how amazing she was. I can't stop crying. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm so very sorry for your boys. I'm a complete internet stranger but even I feel the love you had for her.

OP responded:

Thank you so much. She was an absolutely spectacular person and I have been the luckiest man in the world to just get to spend all this time with her. I've been with her for half my life, and she gave me my beautiful boys. I love her to death.

My heart breaks for my boys, because I know that her absence is shaping and impacting them in ways I cant predict or change, but watching them grow up and becoming good, kind, compassionate people, just as she was, keeps me going.

And randolphmd said:

You both lost your spouses?? In front of your in laws???? Almost hard to believe this is real since that is so far over the line. Sadly I do believe you. NTA. You would be if you kept your sister around your kids while everyone is grieving. What do you think?

OP later shared this update:

My mom agreed to take my sister in temporarily, and my nephew is still going to his dad's because now his dad is saying that there's no way he's letting my sister ruin their kid. I want to thank you all for your kind words and all the love and support. Also, to everyone who also shared about losing a loved one, I am so so sorry for your loss.

My nephew is supposed to leave tomorrow morning, my mom is picking my sister up right around that time, and my inlaws are bringing my boys back in the evening. We'll have a little post-birhday thing for my little one when they come, just me, the boys and my inlaws. Just some ice cream (he said he prefers it over cake) and a few cartoons. One day at a time.