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'I think I messed up by letting my coworker move in with me for months.' MAJOR UPDATE

'I think I messed up by letting my coworker move in with me for months.' MAJOR UPDATE

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"TIFU by letting my coworker move in with me."

As the title says, I FU by letting my coworker move in. Throw away because reasons. I won't bore you with details of how. But I'm a widow, aged 38. After losing my husband ten years ago, I decided to transfer to a different state in my career. I sold our home for a tidy profit, bought a good size four bedroom house and started new.

I've been in this area for seven years, and never really dated. Went on some coffee dates, but nothing that made me want to stop wearing my ring. I know kind of sad, still wearing it even after my husband is long gone, but I never felt the need to remove it. After losing my husband, and having uterine cancer soon after made me infertile, I just decided to coast.

Enter my coworker Jason (fake name), who transferred in a year ago. He's in the middle of a nasty divorce. His parents live close and they want to sell and move to a warmer climate, but not until the end of the year. Rent and housing had obviously skyrocketed, so I offer him a bedroom in my home.

He mentions he can't because he has two little girls, 6 and 7, and his wife wants everything but them, and she's willing to sign over rights as long as she gets their house. After a discussion I agree to let him and his daughters move in for 30 days as a trial. Well it's been nine months and it's been amazing.

Unfortunately I've fallen in love with him and the girls. My house finally has sounds of happiness instead of echoes of loneliness. I haven't felt like this since my wedding day when I got married at 18, and I am so scared. I tried squishing down my feelings but I can't. I threw myself back into the dating game and tried going out as much as possible, every time leading to disappointment.

Jason came to me last month and advised his parents are moving at the end of this year, and he would "finally be out of my hair". His parents would be letting him move into their house, and he and the girls would have their own place. I congratulated him and offer to help pack the house and decorate the girls new rooms. Well he was able to move in last weekend. Hence, where I FU. BIG TIME.

The last day he and the girls were here, I made a huge goodbye dinner. As the girls climbed into his car to go to their home, I hugged him probably too longer, and went to kiss him on the cheek.

He went to do the same, and well, we missed. I kissed him. And he kissed me. And neither of us pulled away until one of his girls made an "EWWWW" screech from the car. I mumbled to drop my key off under the mat when he was ready to, and closed the door on him. He knocked and asked to talk later, but I didn't open it or respond.

I had taken this week off anyway, for Christmas, and am avoiding his texts and calls. My voicemail is full from him. I go back to work Tuesday and will see him, and I'm dreading it. TL;DR: I let my coworker move in, and fell in love with him and his kids, and I don't know what to do.

The internet had a lot of thoughts about OP's accidental romance.

LiekaBass wrote:

On the off chance this isn’t a creative writing exercise: You’re a grown ass woman, and he reciprocated the kiss. Get therapy if you can’t stop self sabotaging, and stop being dense.

Otherwise my dad loves the movies y’all are producing, keep it up.

OP responded:

Regarding therapy, I went for years. Losing a good portion of my health and my husband made not so nice thoughts in my head, and the thought of seeing and being with him again felt all too tempting.

And if I had Hallmark money I wouldn't be drinking the cheap stuff right now.

Vaughant wrote:

What kind of single person buys a four bedroom house?

OP responded:

Finally. Something I can answer with out some one telling me Hallmark is calling. I wanted a decent sized house for when my parents finally retire, they can come live with me if they so wish, or if my sister and her family come visit, they don't have to pay for a pricy hotel stay.

I was originally looking for a three bedroom, but this one popped up and I threw in an offer for the Hell of it. They accepted it.

If it were just me, I would have just purchased a two bedroom condo. Thankfully I do still have my family.

Sunstoned1 wrote:

Read the book Rejection Proof. Like, now. Or look up Jia Jiang's Ted talk on it.

Fear of rejection drives our lives.

What's going on here is your own fear of expressing your true feelings and being rejected. But without facing the risk of rejection, you can't move forward in life. Made all my teenagers read the book. One of the very (very) few books I found truly transformational. Good luck, and rooting for a happy next chapter.

OP responded:

Buying it now. Thank you.

jadekeffer wrote:

Yo answer this man's texts, open your heart and live out your freaking romance novel ffs.

Middle_Manager_Karen wrote:

You are enough, he likes you back.

Here is your text: “sorry I fell silent, I am scared of getting hurt again. I like you. I’d like to see you again. Bring Crumbl cookies next time maple cinnamon roll is on the menu” Okay maybe I wrote the last part from the heart. But the rest is a good start.

jc1luv wrote:

You're telling me you lived with the man and got to see the real him and actually fell in love with him and his kids yet you "threw yourself into the dating scene" to meet total randoms and deal with that instead?

We're grown-ups here. Have the conversation. You both deserve a shot at happiness and not loneliness. I think TYFU by not having the conversation. Anyway I want details about that conversation 😉

Mlkbird14 wrote:

Call him back immediately. Don't even finish reading this post. Call him and talk it out. Vulnerability is brave and it is honest and it's disarming. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

Call him. Now.

AnneAcclaim wrote:

Is this a romcom?

OP responded:

RomComs can not legally have the same amount of alchohol I'm ingesting in anticipation for Tuesday, but thanks.

Not long after her post got traction, OP jumped back on with an update.

First, thank you for the messages, the responses, and the accusations of this being a Hallmark special. Trust me the last person to play me IRL is Candace Cameron-Burr, or LeAnn Rimes. I assure you, I'm hardly a dainty blonde who swoons at the sight of 'piercing blue eyes' and a 'dazzling white smile'.

I actually have black hair, can hardly be called "Dainty", and Jason has brown eyes, but my husband did have green, so if you want to bank on that you're welcome to. This will be difficult to explain, but I hope I can make it easy to understand. My husband and I were basically born to be together. We had known each other from nursery school.

I fell in love with him before I even knew what love was, and stayed in love. We got married at 18 and 19. We were planning a future. We had bought a house. We had career goals. We had retirement goals. When I lost him I felt like I lost a lifeline. My time with him wasn't enough. It would never be enough. I had what everyone wants and deserves, and it was taken away from me.

Just understand how freaking unfair that is. Okay? After some heavy thinking/drinking, I came to the conclusion that when it comes to Jason, with him living here, it was the life I should have had by now. I should have had my husband here with me. I should have had the two kids we planned on having, in a house with noise and toys and laughter and cries and spats between siblings.

This should have been my life.

But the person there was the wrong person. It wasn't my six foot two green eyed monster of a man. And as much as I loved them, the girls weren't ours. I miss my husband, and I miss even more the life we were robbed of.

I think it was Betty White said, after her husband passed away, she wouldn't date or marry again because she had the best, and nothing would compare to it. That's me. That's the truth. Absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, would compare to my husband. And right now, I don't want anything to compare it too.

That's what I told Jason. After reading the multiple texts of him just asking me to talk, saying there was something we had and he didn't want to lose, then him getting angry because I wasn't responding, then apologizing for being (rightfully) angry, then just asking if we could go back to being friends and forgetting everything that happened.

When I got that text, I put my adult pants on and called him. I told him everything above. I told him everything I didn't mention on here because it would be too revealing. I told him that he was freshly divorced (or will be), and I wasn't the rebound type of person.

Him and his wife haven't even been separated for a year at this point, and with my insecurities and comparisons to my marriage, it wouldn't be fair to pursue anything right now, especially with him. He's fresh off the block here, still hurt at his own marriage failing. Because even though I think I fell in love with him, I need time to confirm if it's with him specifically, or just with the life I was supposed to have.

Thankfully he understood. And thought I was possibly correct in my assumption that he was jumping into something we weren't ready for. He asked if we could still be friends, and I jumped at that option. I missed him, missed the girls, I missed having a meaning instead of just coasting. He asked if I could come over for Christmas.

I bought the girls some presents from me, and Santa, so I said of course, and I'll come over later tonight once the girls pass out. He seemed really happy with this. I asked him not to tell the girls I was coming over, and we could have that damn adulting talk that a phone conversation won't cut it for.

He promised to slip the girls a Benedryl/Nyquil chaser to make sure they stay asleep. I'm pretty sure he was joking. So. That's my update. We're friends-ish. I see him tonight.

And I'm more nervous than a prom date. But look at me, I communicated! I got my Big Girl Trousers on! They're horribly scratchy and uncomfortable and are probably going to give me a rash by the end of it.

TL:DR We're friends until I mess it up again.

The internet continued to be deeply invested in OP's potential romance.

S-Selcouth wrote:

Pulling for you OP. Every good relationship requires the ability to solidly communicate, and the fact the two of you were able to do so over your insecurities as well as your legitimate concerns shows that this is no Hallmark special, but two caring adults who care for each other and feel something of a connection.

But are also adult enough to recognize they have their own baggage to work through separately.

Hoping your Christmas is a good one. Tell him if he threatens to dr-g the kids again you'll kick his a-s, and he may be joking but you aren't.

OP responded:

Thank you so much. To be completely honest, I'm too scattered for a Hallmark Christmas ending. After my husband passed, I never believed in happy endings. I'm still a skeptical person regarding them, but time will tell. For right now, I miss more than anything is my friend, and I'm glad he didn't ghost me like I did him.

Oh, I have my revenge for the drugging the kids comment. I had already found plenty of gifts that take batteries and are loud enough to wake the dead. And extra batteries. So while it wasnt vengeful at the time, it is now, haha.

Critical-Echo-923 wrote:

What an F-ing disaster, how some people can think like this and send a once in a lifetime second chase like this into the ground is beyond my understanding. WTF is this! It's perfect but it doesnt have a unicorn to drag the stick out of my a--.

You do know that most people would give an arm and a leg for this...

(no I'm not single, and I have four kids.)

OP responded:

Well, Jesus, sorry we didn't end up tangled in bed sheets and sweat, whispering sweet nothings in eachother's ears while a unicorn watches and craps skittles. Is there anything else I can do to ruin your Holiday?

lonelysilverrain wrote:

Small steps OP. Good for you. You are no longer hiding in the past and you are willing to take some steps toward the future, small as they are. You are right, probably neither of you are ready for a real relationship yet, but friendship is a good start. A little happiness in the holiday season is a good thing. Good luck to you.

Sources: Reddit
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