'AITA for letting my toddler go through his aunt's purse and destroy makeup and receipts?' UPDATED

"AITA for letting my toddler (3M) play with his aunt's (23F) makeup and rip a few store receipts from her purse?"

So for context, I'm a single, work from home mom so I spent a majority of the afternoon on the PC as a medical transcriptionist so I can't keep a really close eye on my son when I'm working. My sister - his aunt- doesn't do anything during the day so I usually rely on her to keep an eye on him. She believes that unless she's being paid to babysit, she doesn't really take it seriously.

On top of that, I'm pretty much lucky if she wakes up before 2 pm so it's not exactly a great system in terms of supervision. Normally I don't mind, but given his overabundance of energy and curiosity, he gets into everything.

Sometimes I manage to catch him before he can make a mess, but other times he's pretty crafty and manages to get into things he shouldn't (dirty laundry basket, bathroom closet, cabinets in the office, and most recently unattended purses).

Yesterday, my son had gotten into his aunt's purse and took everything out before I could notice. Money, cards, Altoids, bandaids, makeup. All over the floor. Needless to say, she was pretty upset and got onto him for getting into things he shouldn't. So far, things are okay.

But then she gets onto me for not keeping an eye on him and for letting him go through her stuff, but I kinda chalk it up to the fact that she just woke up. Obviously, I am partly responsible but if I'm working and she's perfectly capable of watching him or at the very least capable of putting her purse away in her room and not leaving it out on the living room floor.

I feel she should also be somewhat responsible. I retort back that she shouldn't be keeping valuables on the floor like that and explain that I can't keep an eye on him 24/7. We get into a small argument and I tell her that if she can't put her stuff away, I can't be bothered to stop him.

So fast forward to this morning, her purse is once again on the living room floor by the couch. And this time I do catch him in the act of taking everything out, but remembering yesterday's spat, I just let him. $30 worth of eyeliner and mascara all over his clothes and face and on the floor, coins thrown about, and a few Target and fast food receipts are being torn to shreds.

Sure, I could've stepped in and stopped him but I figure it's on her this time for not making the effort to put her purse up in her room after yesterday. Not to mention he managed to use up all the bandaids this time, leaving only the wrappers. He is my son, so he's my responsibility.

But I don't feel like I'm responsible for her belongings if she won't put them up or keep an eye out to make sure he's not getting into them. AITA for letting him dig through her belongings?

Quick FAQ so I don't have to answer the same questions:

1.) As far as my sister goes, she's not working or in school yet.

2.) It's my house, she's living with me until she can get her own place.

3.) My son does go to daycare while I work but due to a recent incident (his teacher tested positive and exposed other staff unknowingly), he's at home.

4.) The living room is babyproofed and it's right next to the office where I work, so I have him in view from the door.

5.) My sister doesn't carry dangerous weapons and I already knew that there wasn't anything hazardous.

6.) Part of my job is to listen to medical training videos and disclaimers and transcribe them/proofread lectures and transcripts and translate shorthand for readers.

7.) The house is babyproofed but the living room is the safest place for him

8.) I don't obligate her to watch my son for free, but we haven't really discussed pay since this was a pretty sudden change in routine.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

jade12358 said:

YTA. Your son is not her child. She has no responsibility to watch him at all. He is three years old it is your job to watch him. What if she had something dangerous in her purse? Sharp keys he cut himself with? Medication/coins he could eat? Would you let your child get injured to teach her a lesson? To sum up YTA 100%.

Flakricket said:

YTA for a few reasons...

1.) just because your sister is family does not mean that she should be a free babysitter. If you want supervision for your son, you have three choices. Do it yourself, pay her to do it, or pay someone on the outside.

2.) You're teaching your son that It is okay to be destructive of other people's property just because you can't be bothered to step up and parent him. Set boundaries.

3.) After reading this, I'm thankful that the only thing he got into was your sister's purse and not the chemicals underneath the cupboard or in a medicine cabinet. By not watching him and paying attention to what he's getting into, you risk him being seriously injured or poisoned depending on what he happens to be doing that day. How long would it take you to notice?

Make it right. Offer to replace everything that your son destroyed when you weren't watching him, and then offer to pay her to babysit or find someone who will because obviously you're not willing to.

Jobo11 said:

You said it yourself; he's your son, he's your responsibility. It's not your sister's responsibility to look after your son, especially if you aren't paying her to babysit. Your son destroyed your sister's property, so it's your responsibility to compensate her for it. YTA.

And Fritemare said:

YTA and quite frankly a bad mother. You let your child destroy your sister's property. You did nothing to intervene. How incredibly sh!tty of you. Seriously.

"He is my son, so he's my responsibility. But I don't feel like I'm responsible for her belongings if she won't put them up or keep an eye out to make sure he's not getting into them."

He's your responsibility! Watch your kid lady. Your sister is not responsible for keeping an eye on your child. Hire a babysitter or watch your kid better. You're beyond lazy and irresponsible when it comes to your child. If I were your sister I would move out and ditch your ass.

She later shared this update:

So we discussed the living situation and came to a few agreements. She has the option of paying one bill a month or to contribute a little more around the house in order to continue staying here rent free. Until the daycare opens up again, she will watch him during the day at the rate of 18/hr if she chooses to start paying a bill. If not, it'll be 12/hr and at the most, it'll be around 4 hours a day.

(at the very least that way she can pay for GED classes or her own groceries). If he gets into her stuff again, I'm responsible for compensating her for damages. If I have an emergency crop up or I'm unable to give her at least an hour notice, there's going to be a fee (tbd). I have to pay her for the makeup and damages (altogether it came down to $85).

I'm going to ask about switching to night hours so I can spend more time with my son. As for work or school, it's up to her when or if she wants to start. There's not really much I can do and it's technically not my business.

She apologized for not picking up her slack lately and I apologized for being a bad example of how to handle situations between people for my son as well as allowing him to intrude her privacy and destroy her items. So far, we're on good terms once again.