'AITA for telling my BF's family I needed my hands amputated after they kept gifting me 'craft supplies'?'
"AITA for telling my BF's family I needed my hands amputated after they kept gifting me 'craft supplies'?"
Hi I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for about three years. I’m really into crafting and love reusing things most people would throw away, like empty bottles or soda tabs. Over time, my boyfriend’s family started saving things for me, like old cans or random scraps, and honestly, I thought it was super sweet. I’ve always appreciated that they thought of me.
But here’s where things got kind of... weird. My birthday is super close to my boyfriend’s sister’s (28F), like only five days apart, so we had a joint birthday party last year. As gifts, they gave me a bag full of “craft supplies,” like soda tabs, empty bottles, and some random other bits and bobs.
I mean, it was thoughtful in a way, but then his sister got these super nice gifts, like a pandora charm bracelet and an apple watch. I felt a little embarrassed to be honest, but I kept smiling and thanked them because I really do appreciate gifts in general. My boyfriend noticed, though, and he got really upset—he even wanted to call them out, but I told him to let it go and not cause drama.
Then last christmas happened. A few days before, I’d hurt my wrists at the gym (nothing major, just a scrape and some bandages), but I hadn’t told his family about it since I hadn’t seen them. Only my family and my boyfriend knew what actually happened.
So christmas morning comes, and we’re all opening presents together. His family gave everyone else these amazing gifts—new shoes, jewelry, an iphone, gift cards worth like hundreds of dollars. When I opened mine, I got… an empty soda bottle, some used (and dirty) aluminum foil, and a handful of soda tabs. That was it.
Look, I’m all about crafting, but this felt kinda insulting. My boyfriend was fuming, but we decided to keep quiet for now. Then his family asked me, all smiling, “do you like your gifts?”
I just… snapped. I smiled back and said, “oh thank you so much! I really appreciate it. But unfortunately, I won’t be able to use them anymore because of my accident.” They looked confused, so I explained (very seriously) that my injury was worse than it looked and that both my hands would have to be amputated.
My boyfriend nodded with a straight face and added that we hadn’t told anyone yet because it was a really emotional situation for me.
Their faces went WHITE. They started apologizing, saying they had no idea and how awful they felt. A few of them even looked like they might cry. I just nodded and said, “It’s okay, I’m used to it by now,” and left it at that. We left shortly after.
Here’s the thing—my hands are totally fine. It was just a couple of scrapes, but I was so hurt and angry about the “gifts” that I wanted them to realize how thoughtless they were being.
My boyfriend thinks I was justified, but later his sister texted me saying I was cruel for “making a scene” and guilt tripping the whole family on xmas (ig the word got to her that my hands are fine). So now I’m starting to feel a little bad. Did I go too far? AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
There’s more to crafts than just junk. There are tools and other mediums that can be bought like adhesives, epoxy, canvas, etc. that can be bought new and given as a gift to show much you care. They did treat you like an afterthought, rummaged through their recycle bin and expect you to be grateful for it.
But your bf should have dealt with his family immediately after last Christmas instead letting them repeat it this Christmas. They should be embarrassed and ashamed of their treatment of you.
How did word get to her that your hands are fine? I won't say you're TA for how you reacted in the heat of the moment. This was a cruel gift with what one would only assume is malicious intent or somehow looking down on you.
Of course your response was also cruel. A little much, but what's done is done. Now you need to sit down with your boyfriend and his family and have an adult conversation with them.
I know people are saying to just let your boyfriend talk to them, but the fact of the matter is that you have these thoughts and feelings that you never communicated to them then had a kind of over the top reaction when things boiled over for you.
In short, you could've handled it better and as an adult, that's worth apologizing for. BUT apologizing doesn't mean taking full blame or continuing to allow them to mistreat you.
Explain that while you occasionally appreciate "craft supplies" on a random day and you think it was sweet of them to try to get you something related to your interest, it really makes you feel unvalued and unloved when everyone around you gets bug expensive gifts and you get literal trash.
In the future, you prefer to just receive gifts like everyone else (not expensive, just actually thoughtful) and that if they can't do this, unfortunately you won't be attending their Christmas celebration or having joint birthdays anymore. Obviously reward all of this to be more diplomatic, but still firm, and have your boyfriend right there to support you and back you up.
rosieqp OP
in reply to the 1st part - im not really sure, from what i suppose have happened is that i told this story to my best friend, whos friends with my sister in laws boyfriends sister (yeah, i know thats complicated), but just to say it - no, im not mad at her (if it was her, i dont want to dig).
and since i already started replying to comments; i dont know why i kept stopping my bf, i think i just felt embarrassed by the situation and didnt want to make a big deal and then well.. my outburst happened haha
But what did you get for them?
rosieqpOP
dont want to get much into details but mainly i gave TS tickets to my sister in law, and a coffee machine for my in-laws ;)
Next Christmas, she should wear a green sweater with a ♻️ on it, since these people seem to think she’s a recycle bin.
OP: Doesn't want her BF to call out his family's BS to avoid drama
Also OP: Lies about having her hands amputated which will certainly lead to drama
For me that was over the top. You should have let your BF deal with it the first time he wanted to. Thing is those gifts are an insult. This time have your BF talk with them