'WIBTA if I told my friend my concerns about her relationship?'
'WIBTA if I told my friend my concerns about her relationship?'
This will probably sound disjointed. I have a friend (30F) who has been with her boyfriend (39M) for 7 years. They have 2 kids (5M, 1M), and I have concerns with their relationship.
They met at work when she was 23 and he was 33 and moved in together within a few months. When I found this out my head immediately screamed "red flag". Apparently he turned up 90 minutes early for his shift specifically to ask her out before she went home for the day.
She was not long out of a neglectful relationship at the time, and it's likely he knew given she didn't exactly keep it secret and their workplace is one that, stereotypically, is full of gossips.
Before she moved in with him we were talking a minimum of weekly, often daily, but she stopped talking to a lot of people from her hometown and reduced contact with others. We went from talking regularly to her only responding to me with milestones and news. We'd been through phases like that before, so I thought we'd just drifted apart as she hadn't been living within a couple of hours of home since she was 18.
A few weeks ago she got back in contact to tell me about her engagement and we've been talking pretty much non-stop since. I found out that she's been diagnosed with multiple mental health issues that she was showing no symptoms of before their relationship.
For the last week she's only been contacting me when he's been at work or asleep, because he asked her to block me "for my (as in me) sake" because he thinks I'm in love with her because we were talking about the past and catching up on the last half decade. Just to note, neither of us have romantic feelings for each other.
From what I've been able to gather just from talking to her, their relationship comes across a bit groomy. She was vulnerable when they met, he was significantly older than her, she abandoned her support network early in their relationship.
She also started working part-time at a different job early on as opposed to full-time, although that may have been in part down to her pregnancy and looking after a young child. So, WIBTA if I voiced my concerns to her?
Let's see what readers thought:
okroa writes:
NTA. Sharing concerns with care and tact is what good friends do. Just be gentle—start by listening more than talking. If there’s a chance she’s in a bad situation, having someone in her corner could mean everything.
ki8abhtab writes:
Here is my attitude: if you your friend might be in trouble and that something you can say could be of help to her, then you should say would help her, then you should say it. She may hate you for it, she may block you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. If love her, risk your friendship for her sake.
Look at it this way; if I had a friend I believed was at imminent risk of self harm and I also knew she would never talk to me again if I called for help, I would still do it. I would rather she was out in the world, hating me than risk her not being there at all. NTA.
cr4mcro writes:
ywbta, she hasnt asked for your opinion and a lot of this is speculation, be a friend for her and if she asks for your opinion give it to her other than that, they have children together so unless there is proof I wouldnt try to ruin something you are missing a lot of information on.