'I told my girlfriend her destructive and disrespectful younger brother and sister can't come anymore. AITA?'
"I told my girlfriend her destructive and disrespectful younger brother and sister can't come anymore. AITA?"
Me (30M) and my girlfriend (26F) bought our first home about 2.5 years ago. It was a total fixer-upper, but I was willing to learn and do things DIY to save money. Since then, I’ve poured thousands of pounds, all of my annual leave, and endless weekends into this place.
Every improvement, repair, or upgrade has been me alone. My girlfriend isn’t great with money and hasn’t contributed financially, and she also doesn’t have the skills or interest in DIY, so I don’t hold that against her.
The issue is her younger brother (14) and sister (12). Every time they come over, they’re incredibly disrespectful of the house.
For example:
Her brother once took a hammer to the porch tiles and cracked two of them. When I asked if he’d do that in his own house, he said no. I told him bluntly not to do it in mine.
Her parents brushed it off with “it’s only a couple of tiles,” but I reminded them that their landlord pays for their repairs, while I’m footing the bill and losing time. I spent ages laying a sandstone patio, and her sister dragged metal chairs across it, scratching the surface, even after I told her to pick them up instead.
Just last night, her sister begged to stay over. I agreed. This morning I woke up to a flooded bathroom because she apparently put all her weight on a tap, bending the pipe. Now I’ve got water damage under recently laid flooring, and my entire weekend will be spent ripping it all up and fixing it.
When I said I don’t want them over anymore because every visit ends up costing me time, money, and stress, I got called “unreasonable.” But from my perspective, I’m constantly undoing damage caused by kids who don’t respect the space I’ve worked so hard on.
So… AITA for putting my foot down and not wanting them at the house anymore? AITA for not wanting my girlfriend’s younger siblings at our house anymore because they keep damaging everything I fix?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Your girlfriend needs to pay for all the damages. I would say that she also has to physically do all the work with the repairs but you know she's not going to do it properly. It's alarming to me that she doesn't seem to care about you or your home. I would kick them all out and lock the door behind them.
NTA and this. Call a repairman for the damage they cause and get an estimate for all the damage and then show it to GF and her family. When they pay it they can come over.
NTA. Hammer to the tiles? When I read the title I was thinking it was going to be like light wear and tear, but thats malicious. No NTA, these kids shouldn't be invited indoors, let alone to your home.
Existing-Ad4957 (OP)
Honestly, I was FURIOUS but remained calm and spoke to him about it. I may not have been so calm when his mum and dad justified his actions, but that was directed at adults.
Charge their parents for any damage caused for starters. You'd be surprised how quickly they may step in to stop this happening if they're the ones footing the bill. Secondly, talk to your GF and give her the reasons for your stance.
Thirdly, if your girlfriend has made zero financial contribution then whilst it may be her home, it's not her house at all unless you were silly enough to put her on the deed without financial contribution.
If she has contributed and is contributing to the mortgage or upgrades/repairs then things still come under a 1 no 2 yes agreement. In other words, you need 2 yeses for vistors and 1 no vetoes. I'll go NTA. Maybe in future only purchase a house with a spouse or with clear expectations of how things will be going forward.
Existing-Ad4957 (OP)
She's not on the deed. When it came to deposit time, I contributed 100% of it because she couldn't save. I told her as a result, given its my money and time, only my name goes on the house. She agreed.
Her dad surprisingly has just called me and told me he has told her off, and he doesn't want her coming around anymore. My girlfriend took her home and told him the level of damage and that she couldn't afford to replace it, so again, it was falling on me. I'm just so fed up with it tbh. The kids have a bit of a crappy home life, so I try to do right by them, but it's always at my expense.
NTA. HECK no. If the gf wants to spend time with the destructive raccoons she calls siblings, she can go visit them in their natural habitat.
Existing-Ad4957 (OP)
This made me laugh, thank you. I've spoken to her and we've both agreed that this isn't fair or sustainable. In future, she'll go to them or we'll go out instead.
Dude you don’t have an in-law problem you got a girlfriend problem, she telling you loud and clear who she really is, and the disrespect will only get worse, so many red flags why are you even with her sounds like she’s a nightmare.
NTA. They're not toddlers (even if they are, that's not an excuse). They KNOW what they did was unacceptable. They just know that they can get away with it. Proven by how your gf & their mom are enabling their behaviour. I feel rude to even leave dirty dishes as a guest & these kids smashed tiles? Destroying someone's property, now THAT'S unreasonable.
NTA. You literally built that house up yourself, and every visit from them is just chaos and extra work. Saying no isn’t harsh, it’s self-preservation. Kids are gonna be kids, but your time and money aren’t free.