'AITA if I told my best friend's boyfriend that she cheated on him last weekend?' UPDATED
"AITA if I told my best friend's boyfriend that she cheated on him last weekend?"
I'm feeling a bit conflicted because my absolute best friend of 11 years made a pretty big mistake last weekend. We went out downtown for drinks and dancing because her relationship has been a bit rocky lately. They have been together for 8 years and have two kids together. Last weekend she said she was going to break up with him so she slept with a guy she met while we were at a bar.
In the last week her and her BF have decided to stay together and she told me she is taking what she did to the grave. I told her that he really deserves to know. She has been cheated on before so she know how much it sucks. I feel like I'm in a weird position because my loyalty is to my friend by my morals are loyal to anyone.
My gut tells me to tell him but my heart knows that will end our friendship and potentially their relationship. I am currently planning on calling him tonight to tell him. I want to give her a heads up before I do it so she can decide if she would rather tell him herself. WIBTA?
The commenters had a to say in response.
Gullible-Ad-8884 wrote:
NTA he deserves to know. I would tell him without remorse.
Defiant-Emu8369 wrote:
You can't continue with your best friend with this burden of conscience anyway, and since you can't forget or ignore the problem, you'll either tell her boyfriend or end your friendship with both of them completely.
sweetbrownsin wrote:
Give her the opportunity to confess before you do, like let her know if she doesn't tell you will. Being on the rocks doesn't mean you cheat, it's really a shitty thing to do. He deserves the right to know.
slitteral1 wrote:
She has already said she is taking it to the grave. She doesn’t need a warning. OP just needs to tell him.
Three days later, OP shared an update.
I called her on Friday just telling her that I wasn't comfortable carrying this secret for her, my moral compass tells me that her BF deserves to know and as two women (me and her) who have both been cheated on I expect her to understand. So I told her she needed to tell him this weekend or I would.
I offered to take the kids out to ice cream and a movie so they could have the house and afternoon to themselves to talk through this. I also let her know that it would sound much better coming from her, the opportunity to work through this would probably be higher because accountability and honesty are important in relationships.
She didn't respond too well to this, she told me that it was none of my business and I would just be trying to ruin her relationship.
She also let me know she would never forgive me. I let her know that I wasn't seeking her forgiveness, and that it was my business when she chose to cheat on her BF on our girls night and that I wouldn't be the one ruining her relationship, her actions would be.
She was very upset and rejected my offer to watch her kiddos but said she would have the conversation after she put the kids down to bed. I followed up yesterday morning to see if she had the conversation, she left me on read at 10:53am.
I sent another later that evening around 5pm to find I had been blocked. So, I took that as my answer and FaceTimed her bf. I did have an image from that night of her at the bar with the guy she cheated with (I took it as I was leaving to get in my Uber - she insisted that I leave her alone that night even though I told her she was making a big mistake).
At first, he thought I was making this up but after he was able to ask some questions and saw the picture he simply thanked me for letting him know. He let me know he is going to get tested because they have been intimate in the last week since she cheated. I am unsure where the relationship stands and I am pretty confident I wont ever really know as my best friend has now blocked me on everything.
I expected the friendship to end, whether I told him or not because I don't want to be surrounded by anyone who would betray someone they are supposed to love. I have started receiving a lot of scam calls for insurance quotes and a few "SCREW YOU" texts from an unknown number - I assume these are her, which makes sense because she has done that to others in the past that she felt burned her.
The internet was deeply invested in the update.
sweetbrownsin wrote:
Classic traits of a cheater. Placing blame on everyone but themselves. You were nice and told her to tell, she didn't. Her actions are the reason she's in her current predicament, good for you.
peonie_lilly_marie wrote:
NTA, she knows how it feels to be cheated on, so why would she think it's okay to cheat. And if the roles were reversed she would definitely would want to know.
notthatgeorge wrote:
I guess the question is, would you want to be told?
OP responded:
I would, that is the question that really made me decide to tell him.
nothatgeorge responded:
Certainly don't envy your position, but I think it's the right call. Unfortunately people tend to hurt the messenger.